Newbie needing help

Hi everyone
I m new to all of this, so bear with me.

I am 49yrs old and have 4 beautiful children from ages 17-9. I also have an amazing husband who is always by my side.

I was shocked to receive a letter after my smear test to say that l was HPV positive and abnormal cells. I was also asked to attend the hospital the following week for a colonoscopy.
I knew vaguely what it was, but didn’t google it because l didn’t want to scare myself.
However the consultant who was so lovely including the nurses suggested l have the loop incision and that l had severe abnormal cells. I don’t really remember what she was saying or doing to me and right up until l got home, was a total blur.
I have done nothing but cried since and petrified that l am going to die. Irrational to a lot of people, but just can’t stop the tears. I have even taken a few days away from work as a result of this upset. The only time l have ever taken time away from work was having children and when my mum passed away.
I only have my husband and children and am so desperate to talk to my mum and l know she would hug me with reassurance, my husband does this, but mum is needed in this situation. Anyone else feeling this way? I look at my children and l just feel so frightened, not for me, but for them :cry:

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I know its easier said than done but try not to think to much into it at this stage. For me the worst bit wasn’t the procedure it’s the time you have to wait for results.
If for any reason there is anything they will more than likely do another procedure - which may be under general anaesthetic.
From what I have read most people that have the LLETZ/loop done dont then need any further treatment. It also seems they do this to remove it before it does turn into cancer which from reading normally takes years (but I’m no doctor).
You also need to take time to rest and have time to yourself, otherwise you are just going to run yourself down (I didn’t do this and the last week I’ve not been well and know some of it is to do with what’s been going on and deep down I probably haven’t really dealt with it and just bottled it all up rather than being honest and speaking to people about my worries/concerns etc)

I’m mid 30’s, single (have been for a few years) and don’t have children and in April this year I had my routine smear and came back hpv and abnormal cells, I went and had the colonoscopy and whilst there they did the LLETZ/loop. The consultant was happy and didn’t think I would need to go back for more treatment and would just have to wait for the results, which should have been back in 4 weeks but ended up being 6 weeks (but after 4 weeks when there wasn’t anything and I couldn’t get any answers I started thinking of there was something they would have been in contact by now)
Anyway it turns out that the LLETZ hadn’t got all of the abnormal cells so I had to go back in for another procedure - again the consultant wasn’t concerned and said they just need to go deeper and would have to be under general anaesthetic as wouldn’t be comfortable for me and they didn’t want me to move whilst doing it, he did say in 40 years of doing it, he has never had it come back as anything more than abnormal cells (so not advance cancer I suppose he meant).
I then had my surgery brought forward, consultant changed and the type of procedure they was doing which then made me panic more and think it’s worse than they are letting on (prior to this I had a text with my pre-op assessment but had not had my results from the first procedure) on this time I couldn’t really get any answers or speak to anyone at the hospital. It was just over a week from getting the text to going on for surgery. I also tried to find information on the procedure they was going to do and it seemed it’s not one they use regularly so that made me worry more. Only thing is worry doesn’t do anyone any good and makes a situation worse than it is (easy for me to say now but at the time I wasn’t thinking like that, I was thinking my life is over and any chance of potentially having children was gone)
Anyway I’ve had the 2nd procedure done and now waiting results, hoping they will be back next week as they said 3 weeks.
I have my good and bad days with it all, but my work have been very supportive and allowing me to work at home, I’ve been trying to go back into the office for some normality but most the time I haven’t done full days for not feeling 100% or feeling tired from the general anaesthetic as it can take at least a week to get out your system.

I hope the above had helped in some way and put your mind at a bit of ease. If you have any questions or want to talk feel feee to message me.

Good luck with it all.


Hi Milty99,
But the massive positive here is that you have received treatment and are now on the path to recovery. Being monitored closely is actually a blessing. The NHS are the best health service in the world so you are in safe hands. I understand that this has been a great shock but you are doing all the right things and can do no more. Be proud of yourself and try to keep positive.


I completely know how you feel. I’m 42 and I’ve only ever had normal smears so the letter was a complete shock. The wording is terrifying, positive for high risk HPV and cell changes. What the hell is a colposcopy? I’d never heard of it. My anxiety was and still is through the roof. I’ve been with my husband over 20 years so I was also thinking if I’ve had HPV all that time does this mean my cell changes will be more advanced? I’ve since learned this virus can remain dormant for many years and then it can reappear. Again scary and will we ever know if we’ve truly cleared it? My original letter didn’t specify what grade my cell changes were but I now know they were low grade. I’m trying to take comfort from that but a lot of women with low grade changes on here have ended up with higher grading after their biopsy so I don’t think I’ll relax until I get the results.
I had my colposcopy a week ago and they said results will take around two weeks. Hopefully I’ll know soon as the waiting is torture. I have two kids, age 10 and 5. It’s emotional thinking that something might be wrong and then my anxiety feeds off all the heartbreaking stories.
I’m not sure if this has helped relieve any of you worries as I’m probably feeling the same way but the positives are this has been picked up and it’s now being dealt with. I’ve also been told that these results are extremely common, particularly with the new HPV test it’s led to a huge surge in women being referred for a colposcopy.

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Apologies for not replying to all your lovely messages.

However, sadly today l have been told l have cervical cancer. I was told my husband was not allowed to come with me due to Covid, but the consultant told me that he could, so being alone this morning was just awful and so upsetting.
The consultant was amazing and held my hand throughout. I had a chest X-ray today and Will have an MRI in the next week. If it shows no spread, then l will be having a total hysterectomy, followed by chemotherapy if the tissue is not showing clear around it.

Please look after yourself ladies and thank you again. Time for me to move on to the other part of the forums. Elaine xx