New here and so so scared please help (children mentioned)

Hi im 27 and have 4 children. Im at a loss today and feeling totally terrorfied so terrorfied infact ive been crying. After having my 3rd & 4th children i had problems with bleeding my youngest is nearly 9 months old. i had the normal bleeding u have after having a baby and then decided to go onto the depo jab big mistake i bled the whole 12 weeks i then carried on bleeding on and off and sometimes flooding till feb then i went on the combined pill after 2 weeks i started bleeding again so i stopped taking it. Ive now had no bleeding for around 2-3 weeks and think i ovulated last week. But for the past 2 months ive had on and off back pain pain down one leg and groin pain with a burning sensation , ive been told i have a trapped nerve in my back. After googling this morning about the pains i came across cervical cancer symptoms. Now i do suffer severe health anxiety since december as my dad passed away suddenly out of the blue from heart failure. But i noticed that the advanced cervical cancer symptoms some apply to me . I dont have much if any pain during sex , i dont bleed after sex . What worried me was the leg and back pain and the tummyaches. I sometimes feel cramps or pain in my tummy but not all the time. I then after reading the symptoms had a panic attack and rang and booked my first smear test for monday. I did get called for 1 in 2013 but i had just had my daughter so they said not to go. I never got invited again. Ive now convinced myself i have advanced cervical cancer. I dont know what to do im looking at my children thinking im never going to see them grow up. Any advice would be helpful and so helpful what are our oppinions? I know im not going to sleep atall and just keep googling xx

Hi Stacey. The symptoms you are having could all be down to hormones after having your 4th baby and also with you coming off depo jab and then going on the pill. All that messing about could off upset things for a bit and might take a while to settle. I know your mind must be racing with all sorts, but please don't just think the worst, you are doing the right thing getting your smear done now and until you get the results try and keep your self busy.. I bet the kids do that for you I don't know how u do it with four.. I only have one and that's hard enough for me ha.. The way you are feeling is normal wen I had my bad smear I felt the same, didn't sleep thought the worst, crying all the time. Try and stay away from dr google he will do u no good, coming on here is the best way. All the girls are brill, and will be here for you wen you need us. One thing I did learn through my experience with this, is that the mind is a very powerful thing and will play tricks with you wen u let it drift off to dark thoughts. And it's scarey I know, but until u know more with ur results try and stay positive I know that's hard at times.. We all have a strength in us that we don't know we have till we are tested. Let us know how you get on. Take care and try and relax and get some sleep you will need it with four kids. Lol. Love sky..

Hi sky thank you for your lovely message it really did make me smile , infact the first time i have today. Its a very scary situation to be in and one i never thought i would be. After reading all the symptoms within a few hours i had new ones appearing!! My mind possibly playing tricks or me actually just noticing them. But im just so terrorfied that i have and its now spead everywhere and im certainly going to die. Having 4 children is amazing and very easy i love them to bits and cant imagine never seeing them again. Bad thoughts i know and im so trying to stay positive but its so hard especially with health anxiety. Im glad i came across this website ive been reading lots of posts and everyone seems so lovely and helpful . What did your abnormal smear turn out to be? Did u have any symptoms? Sorry for all the questions . I guess im just looking at all options . Thank u again for your reply it really did make me smile xx

Hi again Stacey.

i am so glad to hear I made you smile.. Keep that way till you know more on ur results, even though I know it's hard.

my smear came bk as severe changes cin3. I remember getting that letter and the fear I felt is something I never felt befor. I didn't really have any symptoms just a bit of discomfort now again during sex. I don't have periods as the pill I am on stopped them about four yrs ago. I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, so I can relate to how you are feeling there, I take medication off my docs for it and it does help. Are you on any? 

Them thoughts you are having i felt the same couldn't look at my girl without bursting in to tears. look you are going to get the answers soon, don't make your self miserable waiting for them as you could get them and everything could be fine. So all that worrying for nothing. 

i am here if u need to chat, and will help in any way I can. 

take care. Luv sky xxxxxx

Thank u again sky :-) . Im not on medication for anxiety but should be i just cant get the courage to take them as im worried about side effects. I do have diazepam but am being weaned off that slowly. I just cannot stop worrying , now im getting stabbing pains in my cervix & more leg pains. I dont know if its the anxiety causing them or wether they are actually really there :-(. I couldnt sleep last night and woke up at 4:30 this morning and immediatly burst into tears for a good 30 mins. Im so worried that when i go for the smear the nurse is going to say somethings wrong . I really dont know how im going to get through the weekend at this rate. Xx

morning Stacey.

sorry to hear you never slept well, I do remember having many sleep-less nights. But your anxiety sounds very high at the moment, so your mind and body will play tricks on you while you are feeling like this. Try and take your diazepam on a night for bed see if that helps you sleep whlie you still taking them.

when is your smear date, I hope it's soon for you? If you have a while to wait could you go talk to your gp on how you are feeling? don't keep things in, it will make you feel more ill. As that's what I did and it didn't do me any good. 

keep in touch, here if you need me. 

Luv sky xxxx

Hiya i took 1mg last night in bed Last night i managed to get to sleep but only laying on my partner :-( . My smear date is the 16th march so on monday. Im trying to reassure my self that its proberly fine my partner has told me there is nothing wrong with me just like all my other health worrys , but this time feels different . I just wish it was over with already and i knew for certain. I hate waiting and waiting for the results are going to be even harder i had blood tests last week full blood count, thyroid , d dimer and some others . I had a days wait but im that time i had convinced my self that they were gonna tell me i had blood cancer.!! I had a xray of my lower back the same day as bloods and on the way to get the xray done i broke down in the car to my partner saying i knew they would find a tumour in my back and thats why ive been having all the leg and back pain. Ive been to my dr.s so many times and had so many call backs in the last 3 months that now when i see them or they ring me back i can see they are annoyed and fed up with me and are blaming the anxiety on everything almost like they wont take me seriously anymore xx

Hi Stacey. Good to hear your smear is not too far away, Monday not too long to wait now. Once you have your smear hopefully your anxiety will ease a bit for you as you are doing something about it. The drs won't be annoyed with you, it's just the way you are feeling that will be making you feel like that about them, I did feel like that once but then had to keep saying to myself that's what docs are for.. You are right the waiting for results is the hardest part, I wish I could wave a magic wand for u and speed things up. If only things were that easy we would be doing it all the time lol. We're you from Stacey if you don't mind me asking? Bigs hugs. Luv sky.. Xxx

Hi sky i hope i an less anxious when ive had it done , although ive always been a veey anxious person. I had a good night last night talked to my mum and she said that if it was advanced or terminal cancer i would more than likely be very ill by now and in huge amounts of pain . Im not in alot of pain just niggles throughout the day although yesterday i was concentrating so much on my tummy and back that i had no pains in my legs . I did google but what the other causes could be like PID , endometrosis , fibromegalgia (sorry for spelling) . But obviously having anxiety i still have cancer in my head. Im due my period shortly also . My partners mum told me that many years ago she had a hysterectomy becauae of a abnormal smear the only choice they gave her and she also said she has constant heavy bleeding that would not stop and tummy cramps constantly like later stage labour pains. Im from the south east crawley where are u from hun? Xx

Hi Stacey, 

sorry for late reply had a really busy day today. Doing house work lucky me ha ha. Hope you had a nice mothers day...

glad to hear you been talking to your mam about things, it's good to talk and have support around you at times like this. I am from Middlesbrough, so the boro they like to say lol.

hope all goes well for you tomorrow, do let us know how you get on, and I hope you feeling ok today.

take care.. 

Luv sky.

xxxx

Morning sky thats fine :-) . Yeah it was nice to talk to my mum shes obviously had smear tests and told me that its not very nice but has to be done and i may find it painfull or have bleeding after. Im very very very anxious this morning and have broken down a few times already i have to say :-( . Whats worse is that my smear is not till 2:30 this afternoon! I have this terrible feeling thats the nurse is going to say my cervix looks abnormal or she can see something bad . Ive even started debating wether to go for it im that petrified. I will let you know what happends . Xx

Morning Stacey. Please make sure you go, as much as you don't want too. You will feel far worse if you don't. It will be over in seconds, really quick yes you might feel a bit uncomfortable and bleed a bit after wards but that is normal so don't let that worry you. Thinking off you Hun. Let us know how you get on. Luv sky xxxx