Need to talk

Hi ladies, Back again! Thank god I have a place to spill my feelings or dont know what I'd do. Today I cannot stop crying. Waiting on my results after treatment and it's getting harder by the day. I seem to be thinking the worst all the time. The thought of dying is freaking me out big time. I dont want to leave my Daughter and I cannot seem to find a positive frame of mind:( I dont know if it's cause menopause has kicked in or what. I feel like I cant talk to anyone close as I know I would breakdown. My results are due at end of Nov and I guess it's just the not knowing. I am so ashamed to say that I am so jealous of 'normal' people and just keep asking why this happened to me. I am not a bad person and have had my fair share of struggles in my life and now this??? Some people go through life so easy and I am so at a loss of why all this punishment. I am terrified of whats around the corner, and to make things worse my daughter seems to think cause I'm done with treatment that I'm better. It's all so heartwrenching. At the beginning of this journey I was so positive and in a way pleased that I was only stage 2 with no spread to other areas of my body but now I am thinking what if it aint worked and what if it's somewhere else?? It's just awful. I know you ladies will understand all I have said, and thanks for reading. I just had to vent today as I really feel I have nowhere else to turn to. Although I have a great family and support they really dont understand. Kim xxx

Hi there, im new here so not sure what you are going through, are you awaiting results to get the ‘all clear’? Sorry if that makes no sense!!

Just thought i would reply as you seem rather down today, it can be hard to maintain a positive attitude all the time, every now & again we need a negative day & a moan! It’s all part of being human!

I bet it’s so hard for you trying to keep it together for your daughter, our children are our driving force after all!

Wishing you all the best with everything & hope you get the results you want.

Love & hugs x x x

Hi Kim

Just read your post from Friday and wondered how you are feeling now?  I too have had treatment for stage 2b and next due a check up in December.  I know what you mean about friends/family not understanding how you feel after treatment.  I went through a hard time a couple of weeks ago with a similar thing with all of this and spoke to someone on the Macmillan helpline, which helped a lot.  I think people around us tend to forget the 'journey' doesn't just end after the treatment has finished but what we need is ongoing emotional support too.

best wishes Angi xx

i know exactly what you are going through, and its awful. i think part of the problem is while we are in treatment and have a team around us on a daily basis encouraging us and helping us, we are sort of carried along in this seemingly safe bubble.

when treatment finishes your left back on your own again and all the negative fears gradually creep back, and cancer rushes to the forefront of your mind again, and all you can think, and worry about is the next check up.

it will go but very gradually, i still go through it with any odd ache or pain, and also when i am coming up to a check up, and i finished treatment in june 2010!

keep battling!  you'll get there, and your not alone