Need to get this off my chest its driving me mad sorry ladies

,Hi ladies, its now been 2 weeks since my Lletz. I’m going insane n need to talk. 7n half years ago i was attacked at a friends house as i slept on his sofa. This affected me badly n i’m still not over what happened now. 9 months later a close friend of my sisters got an abnirmal smear n needed treatment, i know simething happened between her n the man that attacked me a couple of years before she had cin. So i was worried he’d infected her so i had a smar stupidly thinking it would show up. It was clear cos it’d only been 9 months Errrrr. I also think this blokes first serious girlfriend died of cervical cancer really young, but i’m not sure, its all driving me mad, i go

Then in june i go to my gp with depression cos i’d decided i didn’t want ti be alone forever n needed help, since the thought of a relationship scares me n i find it really hard to trust even my friends. I’d been ignoring tje way i felt for years fooling myself that i was ok on my own. Then the doc mentions i’m overdue my smear n this hole nightnare begins. I just feel very alone n lost n have no one to talk too. I hate this.

Sorry to hear about this.

I'm guessing you are making reference to HPV? This is the one thing I can't get my head round & that I keep asking my consultant about. It's frustrating that there is no official test out there like with other STI. I've just been treated for CC grade 2 stage 1b1 and want to know if it was HPV thatt started all this off. If so my partner would like to be tested & if he doesn't have it I'd like to get in touch with my previous partner (rightly or wrongly I don't know) we are still friends and he knows about my current situation.

I can understand why you have had these thoughts, its only natural that you start linking events and things in this way. It's good that you are getting it off your chest and using this forum as a way to help you.

Best wishes


Thanks Em, not nearly enough is known about hpv. I looked into it when i got my abnormal smear n found out that the us has done some research into it. This whole things been 1 long nightmare. N i’m still waiting on results. I probably shouldn’t of posted this post but the whole thing was driving me crazy. Sorry ladies i know we’re all finding things hard at the moment and your all inspirational ladies, hope all our waiting ends soon. x

Hi Sharon

Sorry for all you've been through :(

I think trying to link the cause back to a certain event or person is only going to make you feel worse. I read somewhere that 4 out of 5 people carry HPV in some form, but in many people it lies dormant and never causes any problems. Although it is related to 99% of cc cases, it's not responsible for all of them. I don't think you need to contact previous partners like with STDs such as chlamydia, as it's not as easily transferrable and like I say, stays dormant in most anyway. I know that's not helpful to how you are feeling now but I think if we all tried to trace it back to a route cause it would drive us mad, focus your energy on kicking cc's ass!! xxx

Hi sharon :) I kinda can relate... ive only had to sexual partners... my ex boyfriend of five years and my current boyfriend now but after me and my first boyfriend broke up the same thing happened to me. Someone I know forced himself on . me. I was told I have highrisk hpv and that goes through my head all the time. :( :(:( 

Hello ladies. Macmillan have given me a booklet called sexuality and cancer. It says you can't catch cancer by having sex. The HPV virus can be passed during sex but HPV is very common and most people who have HPV don't develop cancer. I hope this helps and good luck with your results. X


Hi ladies, sorry to hear you’ve been through a similar experience Sarah. I think maybe the other ladies are right n we shouldn’t try linking it back to one bad experience. Problem being you can’t help it especially when there are so many coincidences which is my problem n probably why i’m driving myself mad. This whole things a nightmare n the constant waiting is just maddening. Thank you for listening ladies x

Some things you have to let go, this is one of them. It is not a case of blame what we are going through. People can get this from having sex with one person their whole life. Sh** happens! we need to just accept it's our turn for bad luck and not make ourselves bitter and knarled up inside by blaming someone else. If you did find out, it would make no difference anyway.

try to keep positive thoughts in your head instead, there are too many things to feel negative about as it is. Live for the future


Dons is right of course we shouldn’t play the blame game, its one of those things that way not enough is known about and could happen to anyone. I try not to link it back but to much has happened, its annoying when you’ve got that feeling of dread in your gut that your friends n especially my twin sister may of been keeping things from me all these years. I can never know the truth because if i ever find out what i think is true it would be the end of mine n my sisters relationship, she should of made sure i had my smear years ago. I think they thought i drempt the attack cos my smear was clear, well its not now n sometimes i can see guilt in her face. I need to get past this but its really hard. Sorry ladies.

I'm so sorry ladies, i really should not of posted that last post. Everythings getting on top of me, i really need to sort my head out. This whole things brought up feelings from the past that i never dealt with. I'm just finding things really hard at the moment. I'm sorry ladies and thank you for listening.

No, I'm sorry matey.

its easy fr me to sit at home and dish out advice but I have no idea what you have been through. You have got to do what is best for you at the moment. Keeping your head in a more positive place is safer for you at the moment though as you will need your support network over the coming weeks.

i do hope that you get everything sorted physically, emotionally. Bless u x