Mum, stage 4, advice please



I'm posting to see if I can get some help in understanding & also if anyone has had similar experiences. 


My mum has been diagnosed with stage 4a cervical cancer. She had CIN3 in the 90's, and had a vaginal hysterectomy in '02 to stop the abnormal smears. She never had any smears cervical or vault, post hysterectomy.

1 doctor said its cervical & another said vaginal cancer, I'm very confused. 


They have said that it is invading the bladder and that the vaginal mass is affecting the kidney.

They thought that she had a Pulmonary Embolism about 12 days ago, and put her on a course of fragmin to reduce it, (turns out they now don't think there was a blood clot) however this has caused her bleeding to be more severe, with clots. 

They have said that the course of action will be to give her a kidney stent to protect her kidney and a bladder diversion/bag during treatment, as if they don't do the bag, when they shrink the tumour it will cause other difficulty's.

Her treatment will be chemo radiation, length & amount as yet is unknown.

She has been told that the aim is to get rid of the cancer, but the surgery planned seems more palliative than treatment?


Mums out look on the situation is positive, "I'm going to fight this". My dad and brother are very supportive, as am I. I guess I just want to know as much information as possible, please be as honest as you can as I would like to know what she is facing & how we can help her.

Thanks in advance 

I'm sorry I can't answer any of your questions, but didn't want to read your post without offering some support. I have a tumour that is restricting my kidneys and pressing on the bowel and bladder. A stent was mentioned but I think they hope shrinking the tumour will sort out the other problems. I guess you need a list of questions for when your mum sees the consultant. Good luck x

Hello Donna

You've quite a bit of info in your post - it seems as if the doctors have been pretty up front so far.  I'm not an expert but I don't think this is palliative care, it does seem like an effort to treat & get rid of the cancer.   

The chemo radiation can be tough going, so your support will be needed greatly.   It may be an incredibly difficult time for you all as a family, as I know personally from my own experience.  Your mum is being very brave, and as you say very positive but inside she may be very scared.  Please also know that there is so much the oncologists can do now with the cancer treatments - they have some powerful stuff to fight it with nowadays.  

You ask how you can help her - you already are! Just keep on supporting & loving her, that will help her in her fight.

God Bless





Thank you so much for your responses 

As you can tell I'm new to all this & it's all so scary confusing! 

Sorry about the information overload, I just thought the more you know the easier it would be to reply!

Thank you for your honesty, I understand its gona be hard, scared how hard it's going to be. I will always be there for my mum, she's my best friend, it's just so hard to feel like I'm standing by and watching her suffer & not doing anything!

I have read far to much stuff on the internet & have decided I need to stop 


Pkjpi, good luck for your results, I have my fingers crossed for you! 


Bogey woman I'm pleased you got the all clear! 

All you can do is support her, make her feel she is not alone, that is the most important thing you can do for your mother.

I have 2 daughters one could not even look at me and avoided me, she just could not handle it. The other however was supportive and there for me.

I still love my daughters both the same and can understand, but my goodness my daughters support and sympathy was a great help during my treatment, I will never forget that

Thank you for your replys. Katie63, i will continue to support my lovey mum the best i can :)

She has just undergone a permenant urinary diversion. she was in hostpital for 2 weeks due to complications. She has only just got home & is trying to get herself as well as possible in order to take on the next steps... treatment.

It feels like everything takes so long! she has known for 2 months that she has advanced cancer and still hasnt started treatment. i understand that they have done this in order to make the probability of treatment succesful, but her words are 2 steps forward 3 steps back!

Hoping that she gets as well as possible as soon as possible, but she is curently fighting a C-Diff infection too.

My poor Mum, i just love her so much and its heartbreaking not being able to make it all stop.


Hang in there Donna!  It may be a long road, but it will be worth it once treatments's over and you can have your mum back!   You are such a darling for coming on here for your mum.  I hope you get some support from friends & family also  and please keep us up to date with your mums progress, I'm sure all the ladies who have replied to your posts would like this too.  

God Bless