Hi there, I'm in the same ish boat as you.... It's really hard and it sounds like your feeling the same as I do.... I was convinced that I'm facing a horror brick wall in front of me with the fact that i have cancer am going to die a lot sooner, months at the worst or a few years. I have had some relief tho that my MRI came back clear and my CT looks promising but not confirmed yet. Good news tho a MRI is a lot finer picture than a CT scan and clearer! Nothing was picked up in mine so it is promising that it has not spread. I had my cone biopsy today but told not out of the woods yet.
So I guess I'm trying to say if your like me... And panic, stress... And have All those yucky fears, I've had the crazy shakes on lol. Try and distract youself to give your self a break... I used rescue remedy which helped( even if it doesn't do anything it gave me the placebo affect) hahaha I'm no hippie but to get relief I'm willing to try stuff. At night trying to get to sleep is hard, so I put ear phones on and listen to YouTube healing meditations( chakra healing, Louise hay meditations or just calming music). And affirmations are helping me when the panic hits hard I say right I'm Gunna flick a switch in my head... I have this bloody thing but it's just a thing and I'm going to beat this no matter what the results are. As it can happen!! Just look at the ladies stories on here:). I think also we think of the worst case scenario in our heads to kind of self prepare and then freak out. Take deep breaths and be kind to yourself in this stressful time. But your not alone and this is a great place for questions and words of support and wisdom.
Haha sisters have got to stick together, try and be brave but it's okay to have a melt down too let's hope and pray all is well for you and me and everyone else!!
Big hugs to u