Moving on

Hi all,

Not sure if this is the right area to be posting in, but really just looking for a chat on moving forward.

It’s been almost 3 years since I had my Hysterectomy, and physically I’m back to fighting fit, usual check ups etc (although postponed a number of times due to the other dreaded C word, Covid), and mentally I think I’ve done pretty well on the recovery too.

What I’ve had a tough time with, on and off, is the inability to have kids. I was 32 when I had my hysterectomy, for what the doctors and MDT convinced me, was a reoccurance of my cc - that diagnosis turned out to be incorrect. You can imagine the residual frustration and anger there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy it wasn’t back, I know many of you lovely ladies have had to fight this awful disease more than once, but for me, to lose the ability to have kids, for what feels like nothing, is often hard to take.

I have moved on, I have recently been approved to be a respite foster carer. The process was long and emotional, but I’m almost at the point of meeting my first placement. I’m not sure why I’m writing here, I guess I know what prompted it. This week, a number of my friends have brought beautiful babies into the world. I am completely thrilled for them, I honestly couldn’t be happier, however, there is the tiny part of me, that I rarely speak about out loud, that has the pangs of jealousy I guess. The sadness of the crazy hoops I’ve had to jump through to get to this point in my foster journey, how hard it’s felt at times, and how it’ll never be me that has that first instant burst of love and pride at bringing my child into the world.

It’s not something I often talk about, but I guess it is a part of the journey. I just wondered if any of you warrior ladies ever feel the same? I sometimes feel really guilty that I do, because ultimately, I know I’m one of the lucky ones. I know that although I’ve lost that part of me, I’m here, I’m alive, I’m healthy and happy… I guess sometimes it just feels like something is missing, what could’ve been.

Anyway, I’ll stop rambling now. Hope you’re all doing well within your journeys :kissing_heart:

Sam x

Hi, sam-18!
Your state of mind is predictable. The results of some studies say that 60-80% of women who have undergone a hysterectomy experience depression. Doctors say that this problem can significantly affect the quality of life, along with bladder problems. Women after surgery are grieving because of the loss of an important reproductive organ, others are afraid of the risk of relapse and repeated heavy treatment. The problem with mental balance affects many. Someone less, someone more.

The doctor told her that it was necessary to treat and correct any side effects after surgery (mental and physical). I had a melancholy because of the loss of an important organ. The doctor told me that no matter what method of treatment I choose, you can forget about the uterus (and when choosing radiation therapy, you can forget about the ovaries). I was stressed right after the diagnosis and for about six months after the operation. After that, I began to have anxiety before checking with a doctor - the fear of relapse.

My doctor says that the more time has passed since the operation, the% of women who do not feel fear of relapse. Mental anguish about the loss of a reproductive organ will also go away. Time, work on yourself and doctors will help.

The main thing is the absence of a fatal disease and the preservation of working capacity. Maybe there is a chance for surrogacy? There are still chances to become a good mom for your own and for an adopted child. The problem will disappear if you rethink it by seeking help from doctors. Two years is not such a long time to talk about reinforced concrete mental balance. Of my acquaintances, I know only one woman who has no problems related to the operation. A notable fact is that she has a past for 15 years after treatment. Many problems were forgotten, she coped with many. The road will be mastered by the going.

Hi xRay,

Thanks for your response - I guess the main theme I took from that is time heals, which I do know to be true.

I wouldn’t consider myself depressed tbh. I think all in all I’ve dealt well with the situation well, it’s more just an occasion here and there, and as it goes I can generally pull myself out of it.

It was more just chat with some women who may feel similarly.

I hope you’re well with your recovery.


Hi Sam,

I just came across your post as I did a search for recent posts with the word surrogacy to see if there was any advice out there.

Sorry seems an inadequate response to what you’ve gone through but I am so sorry for your loss and have such admiration for your grace and strength of character. I’m so glad to hear that physically you are doing well too.

Your feelings are completely valid. There’s no fairness in what has happened to any of us who have lost the journey to parenthood we thought we would have, even more so in your case. I think we are a similar age and whilst what I feel as happy as I always did for friends that are getting pregnant / giving birth / raising their biological children, it’s true that happiness for them can also sometimes magnify my sadness. I don’t feel bad about that and I let myself have moments to grieve when I need to.

How was your first fostering placement? Wishing you all the best xx