Hi I know I had my good news last week about my tumour shrinking and having to wait 3 months for another mri to see if the radio gets rid of it all! Well my thought are that if it's shrunk so much why can they not give me a hysterectomy? To get rid of it all for good? Plus I'm feeling very emotional on what to do next? Should I stay off work or return. I don't feel ready to if I'm honest my family are expecting me to just return to normal straight away! I feel like that's it now Laura's all better when actually no I'm not!! my fight isn't over just yet! I feel like screaming and feel alone when with my family and friends. Laura:(
Hi Laura
Not suprised you are feeling emotional - you've been through such a roller coaster of emotions it must be very hard to stabilise.
Firstly, why don't you phone your CNS to ask if you would be able to have a hysterectomy. From what I've read there are many tumours that are just treated with chemo and radiotherapy so it may fit into that category but you don't know until you ask.
Secondly, if you don't feel ready for work yet then give yourself a bit more time. It's impossible to return to normal straight away as well I know. Don't think we will ever have the 'old' normal back and as someone said to me, we will have a 'new' normal eventually.
Know what you mean about people thinking you are better - wishful thinking eh! I keep getting told I look really well and I answer back that it's the make up and that appearances can be deceptive. And yes, the fight isn't over yet - we would like it to be but know realistically we have a way to go yet.
Your news last week was brilliant but guess you have come down a bit from that high now so it's a case of 'what next'. As I said, give your CNS a ring or you could have a chat with your GP.
In the meantime come on here if you need someone to understand how you feel. :-)
Hugs
Cheryl,xx
Oh Laura. I feel for you I really do. Of course you’re not over it. And don’t you get going back to work until your ready… Emotionally!!
I remember when I was given my “all clear” … Everyone kind of went YAY! Let’s get on with life and actually that’s when I struggled the most … I was so overwhelmed with what had happened and still recovering from my op. And I just kept thinking about it… I didn’t want to get back to normal straight away I wanted to digest it all, think about it lots and have a little freak out! I had to tell quite a few people that and they thought I was mad. I’d been so strong through my battle I just had my little wobble afterwards.
As for your options after all of this maybe give your nurse a call for a chat? I have no idea what to suggest … I never had to make any decisions, was just told what would happen!
I’m sorry this message is probably not much help but I wanted to reply.
Take care and stay strong xx
hi ladies thanks for your replies and your suggestions are really positive specially concerning work! I don't feel ready just yet it's been less than a week. I just need a little more time to digest and accept what I've been through as you have both said. I have a phone consultation with my CNS next week so will mention all of my concerns then! if I remember! ha ha it's such a roller coaster of emotions and I agree people expect you to go back to who you was before it! I actually shouted at my sister who has been there through it all with me today coz she suggested going back to work! oops think I should apologise but also explain how am feeling
thanks again
Laura x
Oh Laura, bless you, I really feel for you.
I think the problem is that when we get good news our families and friends get so excited that they forget that we are still battling it all.
I’m a year on from my op, waiting for an MRI next month. And I’m terrified! Am wobbling far more now than I did originally, too many ‘what ifs’.
I don’t know what your treatment options are but as the others have said do ask, even if it just puts you in the picture as to why you can’t have it, if you can’t.
Be kind to yourself and don’t return to work until you really feel ready. I went back after 7 weeks and physically I was fine but in hindsight emotionally it was probably too soon. I coped very well but I’m not sure I ever really had time to just sit and recover and lick my wounds, if you know what I mean!
I completely know how you feel, everyone around me has moved on yet I’m still battling this thing every day!
Take lots of care, do what’s right for you, and sending hugs.
Ali xx
Hi Laura. It sounds like you are back on track a bit, it always helps to have a plan and something to focus on, but work is definitely not the solution. I think its a good idea to talk about how you feel to your family. They might not understand or agree but at least they should listen and try to see it from your point of view. Your CNS will hopefully talk it all through with you and it may be that you can be referred to someone who could bhelp you dissect your feelings. Each day is another step along the road of life. You have been through so much and should be proud of that. Don't worry about work or what comes next just yet. Lots of hugs. Karen x
Hi my treatment was aa follows diagnosed with stage 4 July 2013 radical treatment of chemo radio said there would be no operations as attached to too many organs. Sailed through chemo an radio finishing the 18th OCT had MRI the 6th of jam to which I finds out it had shrunk to the size of 1b1 that's why I'm wandering as to why they can't remove it now! I will no doubt be asking my CNS. I will also speak to a few members of my family tomorrow let them know how I'm feeling, I feel a bit of a drama queen like I should be happy happy an be getting over it so to speak. so glad I found this fabulous group or I think I would of gone crazy. Thanks a lot ladies you's have well an truly put my mind at ease. Laura x
Hello Laura - I know that 'sure you're alright now' attitude from people, very irritating so now I just say ''yep that's it, they have a cure for it now you know, don't tell anyone but I'm the first to get it, I'm a medical miracle'' That shuts them up!
And as for work, if you are managing ok financially - then stay away for longer, that's what I'm doing. My GP gave me a certificate for another 12 weeks from today -In total now I've been off 15 months, with the extra 12 weeks that'll be 18 months!!! My sister-in-law said I'd be better to go back - the icy glare she got from me meant - yeah, right! When all is said & done, this is a life changing experience and if I never work again I don't care!
Write down your questions for the CNS, otherwise the ol' chemo brain will take over & you'll remember nothing!!
Best wishes
Sharon
Hi
just wanted to say you are amazing and if you want to feel like a drama queen bring it on. It's terrifying what we go through and to achieve as much as you have with your treatment is inspirational to us all. Iam having my lymph nodes removed tomorrow hopefully this will confirm the ct pet scan is correct and I can then have the rad. Although I feel good about it today I am fearful of Fridays results. Like you my 4 little babies keep me going .
good luck with it all
Karen xx
Thanks Karen we do go through every emotion possible I've seen people break at less so know I should be proud of myself which I am for my babies who think I'm superwoman now ha ha I hope everything works out for you today all the luck in the world. It's such a horrible disease that put the fear of god into everyone of us.
Laura x
Hey Carson..I think you are a very brave woman to go through what you have. I think You should take time to get round what's happened to you over last few months with diagnosis and treatment before going back to work. I personally am fed up of people thinking im ok because I've had op. The feelings are slowly hitting home that in never going to be able to have any more children I should count myself lucky really as I have 3 already. Take time for you and your family...I wish you all the best lea xx
Carson,
all I can do is agree with the above!!! People just do not realise, do they? Forget work, it will not make you feel better being there if you are not ready, use this time for you, you need it to think and just be you. Im in my third week back and have ended up back at the doctors today a crying mess. It's not worth it, everyone expects you to be your old self and do exactly what you did when you were last there. They don't mean to be uncaring but when you look like your old self and you are there to work, the expectations will be there. So take the time to relax and get your head sorted. Plenty more years ahead to worry about work, it will always be there!!
much love xxx
dons
Hi Laura,
I feel for you, I really do. Yes, your tumour has shrunk, but you still have a way to go and we all know that the uncertainty is one of the biggest stressers. I think our family and friends are sometimes so desperate for us to be well they get a bit ahead of themselves. We often don't have the luxury of being able to kid ourselves when we are living with it.
In terms of going back to work etc, I would say allow yourself time to get your strength back. You are likely to need more treatment, whether its surgery or radio and you've already been through a lot. It's ok to give yourself a break if you are able.
I would really like to recommend this article, which I have posted before. It is by Dr Peter Harvey who is a cancer counsellor and it is really good. If you like it, you might want to share it with some of your firends and family to help them understand the different stages of recovery. http://www.cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/WebResClient/1761049276601BD68025735B00604834/$FILE/article3.pdf?openElement
Wishing you all the best x
hi Laura
i would like to reiterate what others have said here, give yourself as much time as you feel you need to recover - there is no rush. however if you feel going back to work will aid that then do so, only you know.
i am only now plannin my return to work, for me being around my children was what i needed to aid my recovery.
love
Pat
Thank you for posting that link. I've just read it in tears as it is so true. Have just forwarded to a few people to let them know this is how it is. I do put the everything's ok face on then this past week have ended up a crying mess and at GPs. Thought might be good for others to think about it.
Thank u x
Thank you soinch ladies for all your kind words and encouragement. I've decided I will go back to work when I feel ready and right now is not that time so going to enjoy my babies! Even though my 15 ye old wouldn't like me calling him that, specially after introducing me to his gf tonight! eeeekk first an hope it's the last! I feel old! ;) but anyway thanks ladies I feel so much better an thanks for the link I'm going to have a read of it now
all my love to you all
laura xx
Rosehip
Thanks so much for posting that link. Brilliant.
Laura, I so understand where you are coming from. I think it is other peoples way of reducing THEIR stress. If they believe that 'we' are better then life is easier for them. It's not easy to be the relative of someone with cancer either I guess.
It's so helpful to hear that others haven't been rushing out to buy balloons, banners and bubbly when they get to the end of their treatment. I just wanted painkillers and anusol!!
All the best.
