Mental Torture...

Hello ladies,

I wasn't sure about posting this but I think I need to get it off my chest! Looking through posts a lot of us seem to have different aches and pains and it so hard to know if it is normal or not. When I read most of the niggles seem to be from having chemo and rads.

I had a radical hysterectomy and lymph node removal 8 months ago. I had my last check up on Monday and tbh I was really worried, crying you name it. I think because I just want to get back to normal and move on from this cancer. I have been told (fingers crossed) I have a good chance of the surgery curing me and no further treatment. I have swelling in my groin and numbness in my thighs still but I can live with that. Lately I have been trying to shift a few pounds I put on after surgery and get in to a gym routine but in the last couple of weeks my back has been a bit sore and I have a pain in my left hip (Urgh). I can put this down to the gym but I havent been for a week and I still have it! I saw the consultant on Monday and through my tears told him my worries but he was well let's see what it's like in 3 months, which I get. He had the usual "look and feel" and all seems on track but I ask what are the reaccourance symptoms and he tells me back aches, swelling in the leg etc to which I say I have! So I leave not feeling very reassured at all. Today my hip is niggling and it's complete mental torture thinking is it back or is that I need to move more and get off frigging Google! 

My husband and I made the decision to keep my diagnosis private and have only told a few people as we have two teens and I didn't want to worry them with the hope that they don't need to know and be burdened with the worry. So, i sometimes feel I don't really have anyone to talk to about it so my private torture goes on. I am sure all who have been given this diagnosis have that. I so want to be upbeat and just get on but all as I can think is what if. I go on holiday in just over two weeks so have decided to see if it goes by time I come back and if not to go back to see the consultant.

My question is - are they any ladies on here who haven't had the rads and chemo experience backache or hip pain?

Thank you ladies for listening x


Hi there

i did have chemorad so I cannot answer about back pain but maybe there is a chance you pulled something and that can take longer then a week or so.

Be fair to yourself before you assume the worst. You are right in one thing though, that it is mental torture. Every ache and pain is easily another reason to think the worst. 

Sometimes distraction helps but in the end you must face your mind and win the battle of thinking about cancer all the time. tell yourself to stop!!! That's it!!!! I refuse to think about cancer today. Start with small fractions and move up. I started with a few hours and then a day and then a week. I'm even stopping myself from coming to this site sometimes.   I refuse to let it consume my life anymore..... except for the couple weeks leading up to my appointments, then I'm in my cancer thinking mode and cannot get out of it.  ;)

i have a rule my dr told me, if something hurts start to rate the pain or ache in a daily journal. If the pain or ache is unbearable of course call but if it is just there the wait about 3 weeks but don't consume yourself with thoughts about it being cancer. 

good luck with everything. 

Lolli888 - Thank you for your fab advice! I will definitely try that and am going to try and forget about it. The journal is a really good suggestion too. I think the niggles are going so I am trying to be positive that if it was a reaccourance it would be constant. I have my summer holiday to think about and count down so I am going to spend time planning.

Thank you again and good luck x

Hi, I didnt have chemo or radiation and I experience stabbing pains in my lower abdomen just sudden and short every few days. I have mentioned this to my gp and gynae at the hospital but now that they have done the 6 month MRI and my gp referred me for an ultra sound they do not seem bothered about it. I have to say unfortunately my gynae said 'sometimes pain is just there and we don't know why' which I found pretty useless. However if they are not concerned any all of my checks and scans so far have come back ok I guess I just have to trust them.

I know what you mean Lolli, I don't come on here too ofetn when I want to have a cc thinking free day!x

misstell - you are lucky that you have had the MRI, I am hoping for one at my year check up which is October. I have been told most don't normally scan till 2 years! I do get that we are all sensitive to any aches and pains and will understandable asssociate it to cancer and they can't scan every timE, like you say we have to trust them. My niggles have calmed and come and go so I keep trying to reassure myself that if it was a reaccourance it would be constant. 

Good luck to you xx

I didn't have chemo radiation - I had chemotherapy then surgery and then targeted radiation and I have back pain regularly. I'd say if you weren't satisfied with being checked over you should go back and tell them for your own mental health you would like it looked at again.... Take care xx