Mental health during treatment

Hello, I hope everyone is doing well. I am 2 weeks into my treatment for 3C cc. I’ve been trying to stay as positive as possible but for some reason it’s really hard. All day every day my mind go’s to the worst places and it’s all I can think about. Is it normal to feel like this? I feel so down and keep thinking I’m not even going to make it for the next 5 years. All I want to do is be alive and live until I’m old because I am only 32… Some days it feels like that’s not going to happen for me.

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Although it’s been a year since I finished all my treatment, I still feel like this quite often, but as low as I feel some days, there are other days during which I feel the happiest I’ve ever felt, I feel calm, peace, serenity in a way I’ve never experienced before this disease. I feel authentic connections with my loved ones and I truly love life so I guess there’s a balance somehow. I was also diagnosed with stage 3C and my latest MRI in February was ok so I wish the same to you, have faith in healing, I still do, even though some days are so hard.

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Thank you for responding :slight_smile: I am really glad to hear that you appreciate life and your family a lot more now. I hope to feel the same eventually. I think just being in the midst of treatment right now gives you hardly any time to think about whats happening properly.

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I think it is very normal, and it is hard to keep our minds from wandering - practice helps, but some days are harder than others, especially when we are tired. The support from this forum may help, rest or daily practices like yoga and breating may also help, and excercise. Wishing you well with your treatment.

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Hi.
Its been just on a year since i was given the all clear,but i still have dark thoughts.
Like is it gonna come back,when will it come back,will i survive it a second time? Those are my worst fear’s. Then you have good days,i have survived and its not coming back.
I’m one of those people which won’t ask for help,not even while i was going through my treatment,so it does help to speak to people on this forum.
Saying all that,i’m on holiday at the moment,so my mind is quite clear of all those dark thoughts.
Try to keep positive,i know its hard,but keep going.xxxxxx

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Hi Maxpower,

It is been 2.5 years post treatment and still I feel sometimes that I live on borrowed time, however as time passes I think of it less frequently. Be strong and when you complete treatment you will be able to focus on different things that you might enjoy and love!

Xxx

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I really want to echo that the mental health stuff really does get better. I am only 3 months out from treatment & I feel so much better. I have been able to exercise daily for the first time in over a year (I definitely had long term cancer symptoms before treatment) and am finding so much happiness in life and my renewed health. I think sometimes it’s not mentioned but it’s possible to be HAPPIER post treatment than you’ve ever been. Being so close to our mortality can be a wake up call to live life to the fullest & take no moment for granted. I obviously don’t know if my treatment was successful yet & it is scary if I think of recurrence but most of the time I’m focused on the present these days. Feeling unwell in the body with a serious illness is depressing and scary, that’s a natural reaction to where your body is at right now. It has nothing to do with a failure to be “positive” I promise, you will FEEL positive once your body is strong and healthy again. For now, just be extra kind and gentle with yourself as you go through this intense treatment. You got this! Treatment is very effective—- just get enough rest & drink enough water and entertain hope for the future :sparkles:

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It’s understandably going to be different for people who had no CC or mild CC symptoms. I was essentially debilitated by enormous weight gain, extreme fatigue, pain and bleeding for many months (well the intensity of pain arrived a couple months prior to diagnosis). So it’s pretty easy for me to feel absolutely delighted with my results already. All our journeys are different, but for those who do have/had minimal symptoms, I just think it may be helpful to think of the ladies who are really suffering with this awful disease & be grateful that, for this moment, that is not your path. I think of the CC patients who are unable to find joy in their day and in their apparent health as I am currently able to and I feel weirdly obligated on their behalf to love the hell out of my life & appreciate my good fortune, regardless of how long it may or may not last. Don’t know if any of this resonates with anyone (I find this cancer journey can take me to some weird places in my head) but thats how I’ve been feeling. It’s really possible always in life, regardless of your circumstances, to flip the perspective from wow this is so horrible to wow I’m lucky it’s not worse. I’ve just had the “benefit” of living and breathing “worse” for a loooong time so it’s easier for me to intrinsically understand where I am on the scale of awful. Which is not very far down, realistically. And for anyone reading this who is experiencing hpv/cell changes—please believe me when I say if you knew what CC suffering is like, you would do anything, anything to avoid it. Please keep up with all smears/exams & get anything checked out when there are even slightly off gyno symptoms. :heart: And good health to us all

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Some things that help when I’m feeling low:

Meditation - I splurged on a Headspace subscription, specifically for the Cancer meditation series, and it helped me significantly. 4 months out, and I still use it, especially when I feel like I’m spiralling or sleepless.

Weed and/or a funny/feel good show /escapism - It sounds cliche, but I have been absolutely obsessed with the show Taskmaster through all this. It’s so stupid and pointless and makes me belly laugh and forget everything. I made everyone watch it with me while I was in treatment and belly laughs really do help. Also, it’s free on YouTube :slight_smile:

Therapy - my cancer centre provides free social workers to talk to, and I made full use of that option. Talking to someone who I could comfortably “dump” on and not feel guilty expressing all my fears, helped enormously.

Daily Walks - every doctor I have encouraged me to go on daily walks throughout treatment. The goal was 30 minutes, but some days I could only go for 5. Didn’t matter. Getting out of the house and connecting with nature was worth it for my mental health. Also kept my bowels in working order throughout, lol.

Journaling - when all else fails, write it out of your system. At the very least, you can tell yourself “you don’t have to worry about that again, you’ve already worried about that today”.

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