I’m looking for some support and advice. I’ve rexently had a colposcopy due to abnormal cells and hpv. I’ve found out that I don’t have cin or gcin. I’m waiting for an official letter but the at the hospital said in this scenario I’d be invite for a repeat smear in 12 months.
I‘ve now got my head around this and it took some times. I’m single and I’ve recently started on line dating. I’ve not met anyone yet.
Today, doubt has creeped in. What if I meet someone and the relationship progresses? How do I explain this? Will they just dump me? Can I be opening myself up to get hurt. I know this is what ifs that might not happen. However, I want to be prepared if it does. I’m very honest and feel it’s important to be honest. How and when should I disclose this? What Would the risk be for a man? Is it better to ask them to wait a year? See if I’ve cleared this?
if you can offer any advice it would be appreciated.
I haven't got any advice but wanted you to know that you are not on your own. Since last March I have been back and forth to hospital and the upshot is I have my nasty cells in my Vagina and, I had LLETZ treatment under GA on 7th March this year. I've never had it explained to me properly what the cells are and hopefully I will get results from LLETZ in writing soon. What I do know is when I had my initial smear results HPV was mentioned.
I am also single. I am not actively looking for someone but as I have began to heal (i have not had a relationship fo over 18months) I'm begininng to think of not just the physical affects. If I met someone, felt strongly enough and it was before my next follow up (August) I'd have to tell them, but like you WHEN? HOW? I just think you'd have to roll with it, if they are caring,compassionate and really like you they would understand. Maybe give the helpline a call and they may give you practical tips etc
Good Luck and I hope you find someone deserving of you.
Thank you so much for responding and sorry for the delay. I didnt think it had gone through so I’d logged on to try again as it is really on my mind.
It sounds like you’ve gone through an awful lot. It is all rather complex, have you contacted the medical panel on here? they are very good. I’d take a list of questions to your next appointment.
You‘ve hit the nail on the head. When and how are the big questions. I’ve tried to reverse and answer if I was giving advice a friend. It is reasonable to date and if you feel the relationship is progressing then have an open and honest conversation. It’s a common virus and they might even have it. There is an option to reduce risk with protection but I’d actually prefer to wait until my next smear as I don‘t want to put someone at risk but the next one might not be clear. Honesty is always best, it’s just when as is hardly first date material.
I am going through the same problems... Hpv stopped me from dating anyone for 2 years, I felt awful, and ashamed like many of us writing here. But my doctor and friend kept telling me to try to date as there is this vaccination option for guys and I am young and fit and I shouldn't give up yet. And I really had a feeling that I am ready for this. I recently started online dating and found a guy that seemed to be perfect and understanding, he had some serious health problems himself and I thought that he would understand me better... but well I think it was too much for him and I was rejected. Maybe I told him too early, it was our second meeting but we were writing for quite a lot and I felt I couldn't wait more to tell him as it's not good when you are too attached either. I prepared for that talking a lot... I mean how and what to tell and I gave him some time to think about it and so on. But well, I have to say that when you start researching it online than you will always end up pretty scary, so no matter what I say and how well I present it, I have to be prepared for the worst.. I don't know what the best solution is, I only know that if I happen to meet someone I care about and have feelings for, I would definitely tell him. And after all it's good to try and check people's reactions and learnt from it. It costs a lot emotionally and mentally but I do like thinking that it's like an excercise to make me stronger. But obviously I do need support sometimes too. Hope I hear some stories about woman who found love in this situation! Or who figured out a different way to enjoy the life.
Just wanted to also say that I am similar. I'm HPV+ with a high-risk strain. I've been having issues for 8 years. I do date, and I have told a few guys about my virus. I have to say, most were willing to take the risk. (It isn't a huge number, like 3 or 4!! And I didn't end up sleeping with most of them anyway.)
It has only been a bigger issue with the last guy I dated; he has children and didn't want to risk his health as he's a solo dad. This was only because I said I was unsure if I wanted to be with him long term, though. If I'd been in love with him and wanted that, I think he would have taken the risk.
I think we need to stay as positive as possible when it comes to dating because the right man will be willing to take the risk. And there is also the possibility that we might clear the virus someday.
Hope this helps! I'm happy to talk to you privately if you would like more support as you journey this. :)
So, here's a different take on the subject. I'm a 60 year old man who was diagnosed with stage 4 base of tongue cancer three years ago, I was successfully treated and have been in remission since. I was told the cause of the cancer was due to HPV16. I probably contracted the virus by giving oral sex. My most recent sexual relationship at the time was seven years previous, so it took at least this length of time for the cancer to develop.
Like many of you I was uncertain and nervous about how to proceed with a prospective partner.
In May this year I met a lovely woman and quickly developed a very intimate relationship with her.
I talked to my consultant, and he said there is no need to disclose anything about HPV as it had probably been cleared years ago.
I wasn’t really happy with this and decided to tell my new partner before we had sex. I thought it would be a very difficult task, but it could not have gone any better, my new partner listened carefully and did her own research and came to the conclusion that she had had enough sexual partners to virtually guarantee that she had the virus too…she later told me she had had a colposcopy years ago due to an abnormal smear test.
A whirlwind romance followed, but unfortunately ended just six months later.
I’m now in the position where I will have to start the whole process again if I want to have another relationship. I feel that I was so lucky to have a positive reaction to my disclosure last time and that the next time won’t be so successful.
