No, I don't work in the health sector. I'm a Research Academic, so am not at all medically or clinically trained, but I am very used to 'academic speak', I know how to navigate research and determine whether something is a reliable source of information, I know how to find things out and what questions to ask, I understand how data should be collected and how some data can often be misrepresented, I understand what constitutes a 'scientific study' etc etc.. and I don't find it difficult to understand the fundamental technicalities/mechanisms of cancer. Obviously, if I do not know something or am not sure about something, then I will always say so, but my inquisitive nature means I'm quite likely to want to know the answer to something I don't know, so will generally go and find out! I'm lucky enough to include medical scientists, micro-biologists and geneticists amongst my friends, many of whom have been thoroughly grilled by me over the last nine months!! It seems that some people on here feel that I explain things in a way which makes it easy to understand, so I am very happy to do so if it helps people, as I think the more people are armed with knowledge, then the less they'll feel like they're out in the middle of nowhere.
Anyway, I'm glad you're going to see your counsellor - it's wise to get the support you need and I hope it helps. Try not to beat yourself up about feeling frightened - you feel however you feel and I completely understand that you're scared. I have often tried to put myself in my husband's shoes, to try and know what it must have been like for him to be the person watching the other person have cancer and looking after them. It's very difficult and I'm not sure I can put myself in his position, anymore than he can put himself in mine - it's just a very different experience I think - but I have to say, I cannot imagine that I would cope very well with it if I was the one in his position or your position and I know with certainty that I would be absolutely terrified of losing him, so try not to beat yourself up about having feeling which are just very human!