Hello ladies hope everybody is doing good. last day in work today start my treatment Monday...ahhhh!! Nerves our gone!! Not just because am anxious about the treatment but wether it will work?! And then the thoughts of it does what if it will come back?! I'm driving my self round the bend lately, have been doing ok since my diagnosis had a few little wobbles but the last week or so I've felt horrible so frightened all the time horrible thoughts that I won't be here to see my daughter grow up it breaks my heart everytime I look at her. Am not the only one to feel like this am I? Is it Normal to have these black thoughts? Sorry to go on but here is the only place were I can say exactly how I feel. take care everyone
What you are thinking is absolutely normal. After a cancer diagnosis it is so scary. When I was diagnosed I had a little boy who was five at the time. I thought exactly the same as you.Will I see him grow up and will it be my last Christmas with him. Dark thoughts all the time. It is a long road and even now after 3years you always have that worry in the back of your mind about recurrence but it does get easier. Start your treatment and I think you will be more positive. I thought I'm going to beat this and kept positive all the way through it. You definitely have bad days though. You can do this and come out the other side. Hope your treatment goes well. Keep us updated and good luck xxxx
Thank you Janecook1 I'm so grateful to have lots of lovely ladies like your self to talk to I'm so grateful! I'm defintley going to start to be more positive again and try and push the negative scary thoughts out. Thank you and I will keep you updated. Take care hun xx
Jane is so right - feeling like that is totally normal. I had really bad thoughts too but I'm nearly 9 months on from my op and feel a lot different now. Yes, that fear of recurrance is always at the back of my mind but as time goes on it does get better and I feel more positive now than even a couple of months ago.
I started feeling better in my mind when I started the treatment as you feel then something is being done to get rid of it. There are tough days but they get less and less as time goes on.
Wishing you loads of luck for Monday, try and have some good quality time and treat yourself before then.
Sending you hugs & positive thoughts!
Thank you Cheryl Hunni xx
Yes it is completely normal!!!! Everyone reacts to the news differently - no way is right or wrong. I spent a whole week up all night every night crying. My children were 7 and 5 at the time. In the end my GP prescribed me with something to help with the anxiety and to help me sleep so you are doing well :o)
What also helped me was writing all my worries and fears down - I told myself that once I'd written it down I should stop worrying about it. I wrote a long letter to my sister telling her all my concerns (telling her to keep it in a safe place but not to read it), had a big sob and it felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I got everything off my chest without having to upset anyone in the process. I noted down silly things that I wanted her to do for my children in future e.g. tooth fairy visits, xmas stockings, birthday party planning the lot!!!! Although I am now in remission, she has kept it so my wishes will always be known and I find that reassuring.
Be assured you are not alone... we know how you feel. You WILL come out the other side but you have a journey to make first. Starting treatment should help - you will be doing something positive to move forward and you'll be more in control.
Two years on I still feel sad and worried at times but life is good and in some ways even better than before.
Best wishes for Monday, hope all goes well. Please let us know how you get on.
Thank you Kirsty, glad I'm not the only 1 feeling this way. I asked a friend of mine who I work with who is 3yrs in remission for breast cancer if she thought that she mightn't come thru the other end and she simply said NO she knew she would be fine. So my mind started running away with me thinking well why am I thinking this way? Does that mean my feelings are because something bad is going to happen to me?! And that was it then emotional mess. The whole letter is a great idea! Think I will give it a try. Thanks alot Kirsty glad your keeping well hun. I will keep you updated
Often people try to put on a positive front, and you marvel at how well they are doing. But I do wonder how they are really doing behind the scenes. I was one of those who feared the worst and had a full on meltdown!!! Inevitably our minds do fear the unknown, even when the likely prognosis is good.
You are at the worst time - diagnosed but not yet started treatment. Telling you not to worry would be pointless. My advice would be to keep busy/occupied and spent some nice time with your daughter. If that is difficult because of how you are feeling perhaps the cinema where you can just sit together?
Although time seems to drag while you are waiting, when I went for my surgery the time suddenly seemed to have come around very quickly and I didn't feel ready!
Have you got a local Jo's support group near you? Perhaps there could be someone locally who is going through similar or has gone through the same treatment you could get in touch with? I have occasionally wondered whether it would be useful for Jo's to help out with a buddy, someone local like a friend who can support people through if they need it.
Hi Kirsty I've been keeping my self busy with a bit of DIY! It's seems to be helping I start my treatment tomorrow so just concentrating on that now. My nearest jos is Manchester and im in liverpool so it's not to far but still an hr or so awayof if there was one in liverpool I would defintley join as I do find talking to ladies in the same position helpful. Thanks for replying Hun Take care
I suspect these feelings are completely normal, I find these forums really helpful but sometimes frightening too...I just want to be well and healthy and enjoy my family life. I think we just have to battle the demons in our heads..