Hi MrsGee,
I agree with what everyone else has said, it's lovely that you have a close, intimate relationship, and it's certainly something that I've stuggled with throughout all of this. As a result of my symptoms, and then for 2 weeks after my biopsy, I've not been able to have sex with my other half, and it's upsetting because I miss the closeness that comes with all that.
I've actually just had my LLETZ earlier today! I know the experience is different for everyone, but I'm hoping I can reassure you a bit because you said you're dreading it. I was too, to the point where I was sat in the waiting room today shaking and feeling sick.
I was quite relieved when I recognised the nurse who called me as the one who was my chaperone for my biopsy appointment. She brought me into the same room I had my biopsy in (again, this calmed me down a bit because I was with a familiar person in a familiar room), and introduced me to the consultant, who turned out to be a very nice lady I actually liked much better than the one who did my biopsy!
Overall, I found it a relatively comfortable experience (as comfortable as you can be in a bare-all situation like that!). After my punch biopsy, I found it difficult to walk, I really felt the pain and cramping, I was uncomfortable throughout the procedure and could feel everything the consultant was doing. I had local anaesthetic during my LLETZ today and honestly, I didn't feel a thing. It's a slight scratchy feeling when they give you the anaesthetic but I actually found it easier to take than having my gums numbed for a filling (but the sensation is much the same at first). After the anaesthetic took effect I couldn't feel anything, not even the speculum. It helped that I had lovely nurses who kept me calm and chatted to me throughout.
The only thing that did feel a little strange was for a few seconds after the anaesthetic is injected, my heart started to race, as it includes a small dose of adrenaline. I'm told that some people's legs shake a bit after that, but mine were fine. Strange sensation but only lasted a few seconds then I was fine. They tilted me right back in the chair which was actually more comfortable than sitting upright like I did with the biopsy, I guess because your abdominal muscles can relax better in this position.
The nurse will put a kind of sticky pad on the inside of your leg because the loop is electrified and there's a bit of a noise like a hoover when they start the current I guess, and you can see the loop afterwards if you want to.
As for the no sex for a few weeks thing, I've been told the same thing. Basically, to minimise your risk of infection as the site heals, don't put anything up there for about 4 weeks! So no tampons or menstrual cups, and no penetrative sex. On that note - remember to take a sanitary pad with you! They say 4 weeks but my consultant told me today it's basically until the bleeding stops and your discharge returns to normal, she said you'll intuitively know when your body feels ok to have sex again (I asked because, like you, I was worried about it - 4 weeks feels ages!).
The 2 week waiting time after my biopsy didn't seem too long and (sorry if this is too much info!) we just tried to find other ways of feeling close to each other during that time, like having a shower together or something? I would just say do whatever you feel comfortable with, whether that's abstaining completely, or just finding ways to keep the intimacy without actually having vaginal penetrative sex.
I really relate to what you said about kind of blaming yourself - I know logically I shouldn't blame myself, I just know that I haven't been the most sensible at times and I've just found all of this incredibly hard to get my head around, especially when I was first given my HPV positive result because I was vaccinated against it! I then read somewhere that it's basically sexually transmitted and started berating myself for having sex and not being more careful and so on.
At the end of the day - sex is a healthy, normal and happy thing - we're not going to stop doing it! For me, it took a few weeks to give myself a break about it and realise that what's done is done, there's no way of knowing exactly when and how this happened to me, and worrying about it isn't going to help me get better. I hope you're not being too hard on yourself about it!
I really hope you have the same positive experience with your LLETZ as I did. It only lasts about 10 minutes from start to finish, and if you are finding it uncomfortable - just tell them, it's their job to make you comfortable where they can!
Good luck & lots of love!
