in a very dark place :(

hi all,
found this forum whilst searching for answers!
Had my smear in Jan,dd was nearly 5 mnths.Results came back "moderate".
So had my colposcopy today....fully expecting answers & to feel relief. But have to wait for results on biopsy before treatment.
Was told she thinks it's cin2/cin3 & will def need treatment.
However I looked at the monitor to see the cervix prior to the solutions being put on....big mistake!!! What I saw did not look like a healthy cervix at all. I googled it (i know!!!!) & saw pics of healthy cervix & mine looked bad. Very bad.


I now am sure it's "c" & i can't stop crying & shaking. Feel sick in the pit of my stomach.
Has anyone else looked at the screen during the exam & seen a ghastly looking thing?
I have other symptoms & now putting it all together.

I had serious bleeding after sex 3 years ago...was told numerous times I had an erosion & got sent to a gynae lady. She gave me cryotherapy (freezing) & the bleeding stopped. I had had a smear done 14 months before this , which was clear. However I always wondered if it could've been something more, like CC-but put it to the back of my mind as the bleeding stopped after the treatment. I discussed this with the colp clinic & GP & found out that the gynae never did a smear prior to this cryotherapy...just requested my previous smear results. So now i'm bricking it...as i've seen on some posts on here that smears have missed some peoples CC. So maybe the bleeding was CC & i've now had it for the past 3 years.

I've had no bleeding since then..apart from some at the start of my last pregnancy.

So with a ghastly looking cervix & previous cryotherapy & I am now convinced I have CC & can't stop crying.
Seriously don't know what to do...have to stay together for my 2 lil daughters

Hi hun, I really feel for you, you sound out of your mind. I didn’t want to read and run, I don’t know how much comfort I can offer you but I can relate.
I had a clear smear 3 years ago, last Jan I started to get heavy periods, had had occasional bleeding after sex. Was referred to colp clinic who diagnosed an erosion which they treated. I’m also on tabs each month to help my periods.
Jan 13 had my smear, HPV found and referred to colp. I looked at the screen at the colp and she showed me the areas that were infected with HPV and it didn’t look good, have your results come back HPV positive or negative?
My biopsy came back cin2, I’ve now had lletz treatment.
I know its scary and you have lots of what ifs but try and stay strong. Your in the system now. The internet has so much conflicting info I think sometimes its better to stay off it.
Sending you big hugs, Louise x

Hi there,

Like Louise didn't want to read and run either. I am so sorry to read about your concerns but you have definitely come to the right place for honest and accurate information.

I don't know if you have explored the information sections to Jo's site yet, but you might find the colposcopy description useful. You can find it if you tap onto the "About cervical cancer" pink tab at the top of the page. It explains that the Coloposcopist doesn't just make a estimate of the severity of abnormal cells based upon the amount of highlighted tissue you saw on screen. The diagnosis estimate of CIN2/3 you were given was given after careful consideration of many factors. Please take comfort from the fact that Coloposcopists are highly trained and experienced in estimating and diagnosing what they see and that both CIN2/3 are not cancerous cell changes.

I know how frightening the process was for me and my thoughts were for my young children as well. I think that's only natural. Did they tell you when you should expect the biopsy results back? Those results will be used to determine your treatment - the treatment being to remove those cells as a precaution. Probably Lletz.

Hope this helps a little.

Stargazing

we all worry and think the worst, it is a natural process, so don't be harsh on yourself.  I made the mistake of looking at the screen a few weeks ago and like you was  shocked at what I saw, they took 3 biopsies and I was told 2-3 weeks but I rang the clinic after ten days and they told me the resulago over the phone.  She told me in the examination it was cin2/3 and biopsies confirmed cin2, so like the others have said they are experts and see loads of cervix's a day! 

My letter says cin2 but like you and everyone else, you can't help but think its worse, especially when you start thinking of other symptoms and start googling.  I was neurotic for a week, but then it just stopped and it was like i had run out of worry!  If that makes any sense..

Be kind to yourself, it is a stressful time, and I hear the waiting is worse than any of the treatment, I have my lets on 21st March, and I know I will be beside myself with worry again waiting for results.  I will just keep busy again, and also ring the hospital after a few  weeks

Sweetheart, at colp, they use something called aceto white which is an acid that denatures abnormal cells in your cervix. This indicates to the colposcopist where exactly the abnormality is so that they can take a biopsy from there. What you saw is the denatured cells from the moderate abnormality. Google images for aceto white cervix and check if this is what u saw. 

I am sure it was

Hi Hun. I know how you feel. When I had my 1st smear the nurse didnt think it would be possible to read the sample due to my cervix being coated with blood she insisted it was my period even though I don't have them. When I was referred to the colposcopy clinic for the abnormal smear my cervix looked awful! this was a combination of erosion, inflammation and the iodine and vinegar, it was shocking and I too left the clinic convinced it was going to be bad news. I was lucky enough to only have CIN1&2, in dec I had cold coagulation after the cervix ruptured during the colposcopy...a problem I had suffered for years with while having sex. My cervix looks healthier although they are weird looking things, and. I have no bleeding, and I am going back for a smear in dec. I hope you find some comfort and reassurance with everyone's posts. Xx

Can I firstly say thank you to everyone who has replied to my thread. Everyone on here is so helpful & supportive, even when going through tough things themselves.

 I haven't been in on this forum whilst waiting for results. I started to become too engulfed in fear & made the decision to try & block it all out of my mind. Hardest thing ever really.

Got the results back from the biopsy & it said CIN3- which gave me some comfort. However on Tuesday they asked me to go into the clinic the next day (yesterday) for the LLETZ. Was kind of glad I didn't have a massive build up from getting the date to actually having it done.

 

Procedure was absolutely fine, apart from me shaking & feeling dizzy afterwards. Felt like such a drama queen! I asked "THE" question- " so does it mean I don't have cancer if the biopsy came back as CIN3"- to which I was told.... "No- we can only be sure once we get the results from the LLETZ as the biopsy is sooo small" At the time this seemed like a logical answer- however in the last 24 hours the worry kicks in. There was one part she really seemed to struggle with & even commented that she was having difficulty in removing it. So know i'm quite anxious about why would that be a difficult spot! (the worry never ends does it!!!) 

 

Obviously there are some girls on here & on the Macmillan site (why did I ever start googling!!!) who have only had CIN in biopsy & then turned out to be cancer when it came to the LLETZ. So although there was a brief period of relief, i feel as worried now.

Hopefully I will be more active on here in a few days- either helping others about the colposcopy/LLetz- or something else.

The after effects so far are not awful, more like a knifing pain on cervix & cramps. No bleeding as of yet. Feel very tired, but that could be just the emotional side of it.

Good luck to everyone about to have it done, it really wasn't as bad as I imagined.