In a dark place. Second lletz cin3

Hello, I’ve posted a couple of times but tend to live in the background here… I had lletz back in May for cin3.
I find myself struggling to cope with my situation now. I’m due to attend colposcopy clinic soon for a second lletz with Local Anesthetic. (Cin3 again after my test for cure.)
I wanted a GA this time but I’ll have to wait too long for the appointment/bed… So im trying to be strong and have the LA again next week. To be fare I can’t process it all anymore, I’m wanting to get control back but don’t know how. Cin3 doesn’t always turn into cancer I’ve read? I don’t know what to do. I had a recent bladder infection and spent a night in hospital and I’m convinced it’s all connected. I’m normally fit and healthy and work full time. I’m currently on the sick and in a very dark place. My life is upside down. I wish I didn’t feel like this. Maybe today is just a bad day.
I read lots on here and thank you for sharing your stories. I know I’m not alone I’m just in a place I’ve never been before. The thought of going back to that clinic is is scaring me and I don’t feel like anyone around me understands. I want to walk away from it all but I know deep down that I shouldn’t.

Awww sarah

I know how you feel....I feel the same....I feel like I have no control of my life anymore. ...even though I just had my 1st lletz treatment on Monday for what they think is cin1/2 as I didn't have a biopsy as I was to frightened to let them do it......I still have no definite idea of what I have actually got and the waiting is killing me.....I too am usually quite healthy but have been having all these symptoms pain in pelvis back leg and microsopic blood in urine which I think is all connected too....I try to put it in the back of my head but just can't.'s like I'm just waiting for my phone to ring and they tell me I have somthing more sinister 

My friends and family keep saying you will be fine but they just don't understand

I can't say to you to try and forget about it because once it's in your head no one can really help

But I will say try and be strong and don't give can't give up 

Hope things work out for you x

I feel just like you :( so no advice from me I'm afraid xx

Yes It is a horrible situation and only someone who has been through it can truly understand.  I don't know what I'll do yet or where this is leading me.. Thank you both for taking the time to reply to me, I'm sorry your also having to go through this soul destroying experience, I know I'm never going to be the same person i was before. It's taken something from me I can't quite explain. :( 

Hey Sarah,

I have had 2 too. It is a pretty sh@@@y place. Obviously great not to have cancer, but it crosses your mind every time that it is a possibility. My first LLETZ was just after Christmas last year and I spent most of it crying, fearing it could be my last. Although my follow up smear came back high grade, they only removed mild changes in my second LLETZ. I was really worried that maybe they had missed something, and it was really hard to put my faith in them and go with the flow. I had a GA and the wait time was about 10 weeks from colposcopy. All I want for this year is to break from my trysts with the gynae and move on. I totally feel your pain and am sending you big hugs and hot water bottles for your upcoming appt x x x

Hey Sarah,

How are you doing? I totally forgot to say that I get the thing about walking away, I must admit it did cross my mind too. I was petrified about having a GA. Anyway, you have done it before and can get through it again, hopefully for the last time and move on with your life (feels like mine has been on hold this last year holding my breath). Big hugs x x x

Hello, well I had the second lletz done 2 days ago. It went as well as it could do. I went to my gp before hand and was prescribed some diazepam to help with the certainly did! I was cool and calm and almost detached, like it was happening to someone else. I am feeling better by the day and hope to resume normal living soon!! I managed both lletz with Local Aneasthetic and am glad I didn't have to be knocked out, that scared me more! 

A hysterectomy was discussed with me this time so who knows maybe that will be my next step. To be fare I have 2 children and want for no more so it seems a sensible option and one that I've prepared myself for. For now though i play the painful waiting game for my results...  


Hey Sarah,

Well done for getting through it. Fingers crossed that it is all gone for good now and it was just a few rogue cells that maybe didnt show up on the screen last time. Hope you are not feeling too rotten with it, and that the next few weeks healing up and waiting for your results go by quickly (I highly recommend wine and chocolate). Interesting about the hysterectomy, hopefully it won't come to that x x x