Hi everyone, I just want to start by saying that you are all amazing and inspirational to me.
My story starts just 3 weeks ago- I have always had normal smears so when I opened the letter with my results I barely read it. It was only when the leaflet called "What do Abnormal results mean?" fell out that I actually realised something was up. It said I had high grade dyskariosis. I waited 2 weeks for the appointment for my colposcopy, which never came and after calling the hospital they said there were no clinics running. After a few tears and phone calls I eventually managed to get a cancellation for couple of days later.
The procedure itself was OK- the consultant was lovely and she explained everything as she went along. She said my smear showed severe abnormalities. As a nurse myself (we make the worst patients) I wanted to see and know everything so I watched as she highlighted the 10p size of abnormal cells and then performed Lletz to remove it. I went home with a friend and put my feet up, and with the help of regular paracetamol and ibuprofen and a hot water bottle I was OK.
However, since then I have developed an infection and the pain has been almost unbearable at times. Im now on two types of antibiotics and strong painkillers. The pain and bleeding are just a constant reminder of waiting for my results which they said will take 6 WEEKS!! I dont know if its just where I feel ill, or my hormones or what but all I've done all week is cry. I am 29 without children, and unlucky in love so not close to finding a man who I would like to spend my life with let alone have children with. I am petrified of getting bad results that could put my chances of having children at risk. I have convinced myself that the results will be bad, and seriously I am an emotional wreck.
As a nurse I tell myself I should know better, that I need to get my thoughts back to reality and just wait for my results. But instead I just cry. My family and friends have been amazing but it feels like I am so alone at the same time. Please someone give me the slap round the face that I think I need to pull myself out of this misery. I just wish it wasnt another 5 weeks until I get my results. Im not sure I can wait that long!