Im a mess- waiting for results

Hi everyone, I just want to start by saying that you are all amazing and inspirational to me.

 

My story starts just 3 weeks ago- I have always had normal smears so when I opened the letter with my results I barely read it. It was only when the leaflet called "What do Abnormal results mean?" fell out that I actually realised something was up. It said I had high grade dyskariosis. I waited 2 weeks for the appointment for my colposcopy, which never came and after calling the hospital they said there were no clinics running. After a few tears and phone calls I eventually managed to get a cancellation for  couple of days later. 

The procedure itself was OK- the consultant was lovely and she explained everything as she went along. She said my smear showed severe abnormalities. As a nurse myself (we make the worst patients) I wanted to see and know everything so I watched as she highlighted the 10p size of abnormal cells and then performed Lletz to remove it. I went home with a friend and put my feet up, and with the help of regular paracetamol and ibuprofen and a hot water bottle I was OK.

However, since then I have developed an infection and the pain has been almost unbearable at times. Im now on two types of antibiotics and strong painkillers. The pain and bleeding are just a constant reminder of waiting for my results which they said will take 6 WEEKS!! I dont know if its just where I feel ill, or my hormones or what but all I've done all week is cry. I am 29 without children, and unlucky in love so not close to finding a man who I would like to spend my life with let alone have children with. I am petrified of getting bad results that could put my chances of having children at risk. I have convinced myself that the results will be bad, and seriously I am an emotional wreck.

As a nurse I tell myself I should know better, that I need to get my thoughts back to reality and just wait for my results. But instead I just cry. My family and friends have been amazing but it feels like I am so alone at the same time.  Please someone give me the slap round the face that I think I need to pull myself out of this misery. I just wish it wasnt another 5 weeks until I get my results. Im not sure I can wait that long!

 

 

hello lulu. the waiting  always the worse.your mind goes into overdrive but till you get the results please try not to worry. easy said than done i no.it don't  matter your a nurse, it's about your body and it's happening to you.take each day as  it comes.when i was diagnosed with cc i had a coloscopy and biopsy and the results was back in 2 weeks.i will be thinking of you. remain positive. xxx

Thank you for your reply Janecook1,

Every passing day without results I try to see aa a good sign- from the reading I've done on here most people diagnosed with cc seem to get results withing 3 weeks. Ive made it through 1!

I think its the lack of control- Im usually the one making other people feel better or telling them it will be OK. But like you say, its my body and that scares me. I am trying to stay positive- and like during other hard times in my life one day at a time is the best way forward. Just need to stop crying and I will be OK!!

Thank you again x

Hi LuLu,

I am the same position as you, had my LLETZ 11 days ago (and counting..slowly!) and the waiting is awful, luckily i was told the results will be back within 2-3 weeks, it must be the different areas that we live it but i will say after my first week the waiting seems to be ever so slightly easier, i think that if anything really bad was wrong it would have been picked up at the Colposcopy so just try and think of the positives...i know its easier said than done.

I'm actually enjoying my weekend now i know that no post can come through the door and the hospital won't ring me but i know on Monday i will be back to being on edge for the phone and post again!

I have my fingers crossed for  us both :) hope you're ok xx

Hey Rachelk,

 

Thank you for your post. It is amazing how reassuring it is to know I am not alone in the way I feel. I have given myself a good talking to today though and am trying to be more positive. I actually work on a cancer ward, so getting back to work next week will hopefully help as I always find it puts things into perspective for me. Plus I dont do being ill and staying at home- I need the structure and distraction of work. 

It is nice to know that tomorrow is a worry free day tomorrow with no chance of a phone call or letter. I keep wondering whether it would be a phone call or letter if it was bad news. I hope we dont find out. I have my fingers crossed forus both too- please let me know how you get on. 

Again, thank you x

Lulu…I’m also in a similar situation but 38, no partner, no kids, & high grade/severe/ Cin& cgin3. I don’t know my results yet but I’m seeing my consultant on 12th April. Waiting is indeed the worst, no matter what your job is. At work you are strong for others but no-one has endless energy to keep that up at home aswell. You’re doing great & have got through the 1st week. You don’t need a slap round the face either…it’s ok to be worried & there are some fab people on here to support you (just as they’ve done for me.) Good luck lulu. X

Hey qsq,

Thank you for your kind words. Having people reply and understand really makes a difference.  It is always easier to be strong fpr others I think- or offer them advice. If only I could take my own advice!

I hope that we all get good results. You seem to have been waiting for a long time- you've done well to cope. The first week was hard and just plodding throught the next one. Back to work Wednesday though which I think will really help.

Good luck for the 12th- has that been booked for a while? xx

The appt letter came through about a month ago now. Bit anxious as when I had my first colpo they sent me the results. (Well a copy of the letter they sent to my GP. An explanation would’ve been helpful as my results showed CGIN3 but info previously sent by hospital only discussed CIN so it was confusing!) I think because this time I’d had a deeper sample taken I think the consultant may want to discuss an mini op to see how high up the abnormalities are going. Thankfully I’ve a family wedding to look forward to the week before so that & work is keeping me busy. If my brain is thinking about stuff it can’t think/second guess what may or may not happen lol

qsq- I like to think that if things were bad that they wouldnt want to wait until the 12th to see you, so try and take that as a positive. Not easy I realise- not knowing is horrible. 

Family wedding sounds like a perfect distraction, you must be excited? my little (she is 24 so not so little really!) sister has just got engaged over the weekend so that gives me something to try and focus on. Back to work for me tomorrow too after 19 days off (annual leave then sick leave with my infection!) so that will be a shock to the system and definitely keep me occupied!

xx

Hi Lulu…was just wondering how you were getting on, and if there has been any news yet. No doubt work is keeping you busy until you hear something.

Hi qsq,

I just finished a night shift and phoned the colposcopy secretary for the millionth time (I think she hates me!).. my results are in but a consultant need to phone me as the secretary isnt allowed to tell me anything.... so now I need to try and sleep before another night tonight whilst keeping one ear open for the phone. FINGERS CROSSED its good news.

How are you? Thank you for checcking up on me! Work has kept me very busy and its been a lifesaver really as I dont have time to think about me!

Hope you are well xx

Oh no, more waiting. Hopefully you’ll hear something soon. I called intoy GP & asked the receptionist to check to see if they’d got my results. All she did was print off a letter confirming I’d had the treatmwnt. This is happening to our bodies yet we seem to be the last to know what’s happening to it. Not much longer for us both hopefully!