I am new hear, I have been reading many posts and just wanted someone to talk to who understands.
In 2009 I have cervical cancer early stages, had treatment and had 5 years of clear smears. Last Tuesday I went for my yearly smear, this time at my doctors surgery (previous 5 years in hospital). Saturday I got a letter stating I have borderline changes so need to go to colposcopy, I will be sent a letter. Last night my husband got very upset thinking that the cancer has returned. I tried to reassure him that everything will be OK. Well today he has been reading up about HPV Virus and he has called me all the sl**s and sl*g's under the sun, saying I have given him an STI bearing in mind he knows I have only ever slept with him in 16 years. Yes I have had other partners I have another child to a previous partner. I cannot believe the way he is treating me, he wants to leave me. Nothing I say to try and make him understand. I really don't even know what I am trying to make him understand, I only knew today after reading into HPV what it was.
Has anyone else had this response from their longterm partner?
He has made me feel disgusting, I am just baffled....Yes he knows in 16 years I have only ever slept with him, but he is saying I shouldn't of slept with other men. He has only ever had one other partner and he said he wore a condom. My letter doesn't even state I have HPV just borderline changes, does this mean I have HPV? I have tested negative for it previously.
Sorry if this is too much information and personal regarding relationship but I just need to chat to someone. X
HPV can lay dormant for years. It is rather like the cold sore virus, once you have it you will always have it even if it is dormant. It can flare up at anytime. Men are the resevior, you have proably been passing back HPV between each other for years. In the vast majority of people it doesnt cause any problems, no symptoms, and you get over the active infection and go back to it being dormant again.
Condoms dont prevent HPV. It is passed skin to skin rather than by fluids, so condoms will not stop an infection. So he can stick that in his poipe and smoke it.
In my experience most men who accuse their wives of infidelity are usually at it themselves. He says he wants to leave.....if someone spoke to me like that I'd show them the door.
So sorry to read this. It must be extraodinarily upsetting. Especially at a time that is not the easiest for yourself anyway. He really needs to find out the proper facts before he starts laying any blame on you.
Sending you hugs and hope you get this sorted out before it escalates and more hurt is done.
Thank you both for your replies and kind and honest words I did write a big comment back to you 363days last night but it wouldn't post, kept giving me an error code.
Your post did make me laugh a little, which I needed after the disgusting texts I had off my husband yesterday. I am so deeply hurt about all of this.
I worried about my post today! I tend to type without giving it proper thought sometimes! Glad it raised a smile, but I think Tivoli's post is a much more rounded response. xx
Just had to reply to say how much I feel for you after reading your post. Absolutely disgusting that he should, treat you this way and I am just so sorry as what with everything you are going through, this is the last thing you need. You are the most important thing, and even though he may be trying to come to terms with things (which he may be struggling with) there is no excuse. I so hope you have been able to talk and reason has come to him
Let him know that almost everyone has this in their system in the world (it's just dormant in most people). The only ones who don't are those not sexually active at all.
Hi Ainos I am really sorry to hear about your situation and the appalling way your husband has treated you. I have noticed over the past few weeks several ladies who all feel ashamed because they have HPV or their partners are blaming them for giving them an STI after finding out they have HPV. first of all there are 100 different forms of HPV have you ever had a Verruca or cold sore or wart on your hand then according to some of your men you are dirty Gertie. Your lovely man could be HPV infected as we speak but he is not going to be tested because i think it can be safe to say he is not getting Cervical Cancer. Another reason men are not tested is because it costs to much because several biopsies have to be taken not just the one it takes for us to be tested. I would like to point out that the person in the lab who analysed your results and the person who sent the letter and the person giving you treatment are all probably HPV positive because most people are in Healthy sexual relationships but they dont need to know because they are not having problems. I feel so strongly about this topic because how you beautiful ladies are made to feel i nearly burnt my bra but im going through treatment and my husband may get the wrong idea lol
Remember ladies no shame no Blame!! No shame No Blame! sending you Big Hugs xxxxxxxxxxx
I am new to this forum and just read your post. I know it was a long time ago, but I am having the exact same reaction from my husband now :( We have been together for 14 years, we both had previous partners before, but he blames me and calls me names when angry same as you experienced.
I am heartbroken as I have also tried talking, but I cannot get through to him. He also threatened to leave today as he says he cannot deal with this for the rest of his life.
He makes me feel ashamed, so much so that I have not shared my experience with anyone, I had to lie to my work and none of my friends or family knows what I have been dealing with.
I know he is struggeling, but his behaviour is not helping him or myself. I am trying to stay positive and then he accuses me of acting as if nothing is wrong and this whole situation is ok.
I am not sure which strain of HPV I have, I tried to contact my dr today, but she has not returned my call.
Really hoping your marriage survived this and that you are healthy.
2007 - 2015: Normal smears yearly
Feb 2016: Abnormal Smear
August 2016: Abnormal Smear
17 Nov 2016: Colposcopy
23 Nov 2016: Lletz under GA & biopsy
28 Nov 2016: Lletz results - CIN 3 non clear margins - Not cancerous
Post op follow up due Dec 2016 & Colposcopy & Smear in 4 months time
