Hi,
So im not even sure what to write but i’ll begin by explaining that i have a complex ptsd diagnosis and generalised anxiety disorder along with fibromyalgia. Im not writing this for sympathy or to distinguish myself as any different to others who are going through the same but simply to lay a foundation of why im struggling so much, i feel so guilty for almost evrrything which makes writing this quite diffiult.
Im 29, married with no children (nor do i want any) and at 25 i did have a reminder to have a smear and honestly i dont know why i didnt as im normally someone who wants to check on health concerns quickly. At 21, i had a cervical smear for genital warts as a previous sexual encounter had been in contact with me (credit to him for doing so!) And everything was fine, im not sure if they tested for HPV or abnormal cells though.
So bringing it to the present, about 2 weeks ago i had the smear and she didnt seem concerned and was very reassuring, but i did get the letter that i know terrifies alot of women on Monday this week. HPV high risk and moderate Dyskaryosis and to book an appointment, which is tomorrow (Thursday) so very quick indeed.
I’ve been stuck in an anxiety coma as i call it ever since, have had to call into work sick as the idea of having to mask/fake it was far too difficult and all i’ve done is play the wonderful “what if” game ever since. Im not scared of any LLETZ or need for smears every 6 months but the sheer amount of time i know my brain will take away from me over the next 6 weeks before any results, anticipation is my biggest trigger for a mental health spiral and im terrified of both that and of course Cancer.
I wanted to ask a few questions to those who are/have gone through the same if thats okay?
Does the colposcopy show if you have cancer or would it depend on the person?
My logical brain says if its cancer wouldnt the abnormal cells be in the severe category not moderate?
How are you all coping and perhaps especially those who may be suffering with a chronic anxiety disorder too?
I apologise for such a long post and honestly i still have loads of thoughts i could write out, im terrified and frustrated with myself. I have a wonderful husband who is always fantastic at both coping with my illnesses and allowing me space to cope myself, i could not feel more blessed to have him. He is driving me to and from the hospital so im glad i have someone to speak to.
Thankyou if youve read this far, im incredibly grateful to have anyone to talk to that has real life exoerience with similiar.
Blessed be to you all
X