How to feel normal again (kids mentioned)

Cervical cancer post treatment and side effects
1

Hi everyone I’m new to this site so just to introduce myself. I’m 26 I live with my partner and our daughter. My partner is ill he has ME so as you can imagine we already have a lot to deal with. I had my first smear october last year. It came back with serve dyskaryosis and so I was called in to have a colposcopy the results came back and I under went my treatment. I have had stage 1b1 I had a cone biopsy and trachelectomy and lymph nods have been tested and are clear. My results came back with clear margins and have been told I will have regular checks etc to keep on eye on me.

Everyone around me is jumping for joy and are over the moon with my results as am I but i can’t seem to be positive about it all. Everyone seems to expect me to carry on like before like nothing haa happened. But how do you move on all I think about is the fact that I had cancer and so have an increased risk of getting it again and worry that they may have missed it something.

I feel so silly I should be shouting from the roof tops and celebrating but I can’t.

Will these feelings go away or do you just need to learn to live with them.

Many thanks

Tash

2

Hi Tash,

I can't offer much except for you to know that I feel the same way.

I was told I was in remission on 22nd Jan after a very quick ride through cancerville.

It is not helpful for people to say that it is wonderful news. I think it is more about their relief than yours.

When I had cancer there was a huge amount of support from friends, now the calls, the texts etc are drying up!

When I was going through treatment I found that it was just head down plough on. Now it's 'all over' (I still have Radio to consider) it seems that I now have time to look back and think...'Wwhat the hell just happened there!'

So.....Normal.....whats that? Don't know ...sorry. But hopefully you will find knowing that one other person feels like you helpful!

Best wishes

 

Julia

3

Hi :slight_smile:
I had the same procedure as you on 10th July last year. Honestly when I found out I had the “all clear” I was in a worse place. I was so overwhelmed and freaked by what had just happened I couldn’t be too happy! I actually spoke to my nurse about it and that helped to know it was quite a normal feeling.
However now, 7 months post op I’m getting there! I feel back to the old me so nothing to remind me of what happened. I’ve got a check up this month and I’m looking forward to being further away from what happened and reaching another milestone.
I still think about what’s happened quite abit, I have days where I have a little cry. But I’m good :slight_smile: I think it’s best just to be honest with people about how you feel.
Take care and well done you! You’ve got through so much you should be proud!

Em xx
Feel free to message me if you want a chat :slight_smile:

4

Hello Tash. I agree with how you feel about shouting from the roof tops but for the person going through it though, I think there will always be doubt.  It's difficult to accept that we've been 'treated' and now that that's over we go back to 'normal life'.  When in fact, most of us will never go back to the person we were. I think no matter if you've been given fantastic news that your follow up scans are clear ( I despise the term 'all clear') you still are very cautious, not allowing yourself to believe it or get too excited about it in case - yes I'm gonna say it - it comes back.  I wonder, does it 'come back' or was it never truly gone in the first place? why would it 'come back' if you were clear, surely if you get it again it's a new cancer?  To me, if it 'comes back' then it wasn't got rid of in the first place, that's why I hate the term 'all clear' To me it takes years to be  'all clear' sorry but that's how I see it.  I suppose I'll believe in my good news if I'm still here in 10 years cancer free, only then will I believe I'm 'all clear' of the original cancer. 

Sorry I've probably depressed you now, but I've got a new 'normal' now, and as the months have gone on, I've got used to the new normal.  That's probably how you will be too.  The new normal is different but I'm enjoying my life.  I used to think that my life was too quiet, I was too lucky not having to experience the heartbreak that other families around me were going through. I always had the feeling my bubble was about to burst though, surely I couldn't be this fortunate always.  Boy did I get  mine!

5

Thanks for replying ladies. It means a lot. To be honest I haven't really thought about how I feel or anything ubtil now. I guess I just kept strong and just did what ever I could to keep distracked or from thinking about it. Now it's like all the support etc has gone as the way people see it the problem has been dealt with and now I'm left wondering how to process it all and move forward.

tash xx

6

Hi Tash

I am nearly five weeks post op with results showing as clear, which is great but it is still really hard to get your head around it all.  I think people expect that once the op is over and results are clear, then that's it - my family in particular are the worst ones for this.  They keep telling me to be positive which actually just winds me up!  Not very helpful.  I think people forget that you have to live with the daily reality of the situation and it takes time to adjust to the 'new normal' whatever that may be.At the moment I find just taking things a day at a time helps and setting yourself small achievable goals. I don't know if the worry will ever go away fully - maybe other ladies who are further down the line can answer that one - but all I will say is give yourself time to cry, grieve, be angry or whatever it is you need to do.  There will always be people to talk to on this site as well.  Take care and lets hope we all move forward hugs SL xx

7

That's so true sunflower lady. My family with exeption to my mum and auntie they all think it's over. they think I'm being negative by not jumping around happy etc. My gran actually asked why I wasn't happy everything is dealt with and gone so I should just get back to normal and forget about it. 

What do say or do I need support. Im so please I found this site tho. 

Thanks for reply 

Tash xx

8

I said to one of my friends today something like this....

'I maybe in remission but I am still recovering from major surgery. I still need to consider whether I have radiotherapy or not. So far this week I have had 2 medical appointments with one more tomorrow. My bladder still doesn't work and I have a 12 inch wound across my belly still healing. The cancer may be gone but it certainly isn't over yet'

I think her face said it all!!!

You have my every empathy. xxxxx

 

9

I really don't know what to say. I guess those who have not been through it will never understand. It's so fustrating they are meant to be your friends and family they are meant to seel you through. 

If you want a chat you can message me hun. Xxxxxx

10

HI Tash

I think you can only be honest with friends and family about how you are feeling on a particular day at a particular time. Today, for example I have felt weepy, angry, had issues with my scar and pain, hot flushes and sweats which are not helping with the sleep.  Tried to explain how I felt and family members again told me to be positive!! My friends and husband , on the other hand, have been fab and have even made me laugh about the above symtoms. I am slowly coming to realise that I can't change the way my family view things, but I will still continue to tell them about the reality of the situation but will probably not use them for suppot.  All you can do is deal with each day as it comes in your own time and in your own way.  Do what is right for you and what helps you on this journey. We are always here for you on the forum Hugs SL xx

11

Hi Tash, wow what you wrote felt like it could have been my own words exactly! Even down to he fact my partner also has ME. Although fortunatly he has been well for a while, but it helps having him understand having been poorly himself.

I had a radical trachelectomy on 11/02/14 and all ok on my last check up on 26/03/14. Mentally I feel a different person, I'm 28 and the doctor advised me to start a family when I'm not ready. Most of my friend's hare lucky enough to only be worrying about affording a new dress, going out saturday night or dieting, none of these things really relate with me anymore, kind of feels weird in social situations now. I don't want to be centre of attention and have always asked people treat me normally and i guess they just don't know what to say if i do want to talk about it....sorry I'm normally very positive so don't want to come across as being moany, it's just getting tiring keeping a happy face all the time!! Like you I felt so strange getting the all clear, I was the only one not cracking up the champers. I've felt more lonely than when I was alone on the hospital ward. I'm going back to work in a few weeks which I guess will help me get some normality, hard though as I actually work as a counsellor in drug and alcohol addiction; so will have to make sure I feel normal before practicing again. I feel like I have survivor's guilt and still feel bit fearful, sad, I feel like my identity isn't there and although cancer has been a wake up call for healthy living and counting my blessings, I just finding it hard to feel normal again...

 

2010- had bleeding after sex, had colposcopy (before my first smear), said there was borderline abnormal cells went back in 6 months, said all was fine and was discharged.

Oct 2013- went for smear test as normal, high grade dyskyosis, referred for colposcopy, said would need lletz treatment, and took biopsy

Dec 2013- Had lletz treatment

14/01/14 diagnosed cervical cancer 1b1

11/02/14 had lymph nodes, trachelectomy done

26/03/14 First check up, healing ok, all clear from cancer, on 3 monthly check ups and 6 monthly smears