high risk HPV with ASCUS - tons of questions

2/1/19 I received an email from my NP saying “your pap showed abnormal cells (ASCUS) and you tested positive for a cancer causing strain of HPV. Your std testing was clear. No further action needed just repeat Pap in 1 year.

 

 

long story short I googled, I panicked. I called her twice. My main concern after seeing how rarely this turns into cancer was telling partners. I’m recently single and I FINALLY had hope of enjoying dating and relationships!

 

im an extremely moral person to a fault - yes that’s possible. My doctor said absolutely no need to disclose as they likely already have it- she said would you disclose a cold???

 

 

i need help with a few things

 

1) would you disclose ? Any difference between choosing to disclose for casual sex vs potential relationship? Why?

 

2) people have said that disclosing causes more discomfort and stigma due to lack of understanding and that it’s better to just save them the pain and stress of trying to understand something so complex yet so (usually) harmless and inevitable... thoughts ?

 

3) I want to be able to enjoy my dating life and not feel guilty 24/7 for “hiding” something .. however after all my research I’ve learned I’m NOT guilty over harming them as the chances are SO low and SO high that they already have it.. I’m simply guilty for the idea of hiding or lying about something to someone. Which is why I may lean towards NON disclosure for casual partners and disclosure for potential boyfriends. Thoughts?

 

 

4) ACHH... I just ordered some omfg $400 for only two months worth. I’ll take it for 6 months and ask for a repeat pap AND hpv test as I’m pretty desperate for a negative result so I can move on from this moral crisi altogether - doctors have limited info on whether HPV eradicates or goes dormant... my gosh so if I come back negative does that mean im STILL in the same moral crisis if I could technically possible reactivate unknowingly and transfer? HELP!

 

 

its only been one month and I deleted all dating apps bc it makes me feel like a predator trying to find someone to infect. I realize my irrational thoughts but at the same time it’s true - chances are they have it BUT if I don’t disclose its POSSSIBLE I mean giving an uninflected person HPV that could POTENTIALLY turn into cancer in future.

 

I don’t think I could live with myself if I slept with someone and ended up in a relationship ship with them. And telling them AFTER sleeping w them is horrifying.  SOS

 

 

Any success or bad stories about telling NEW partners about HPV? Not to generalize but typically men hear STD and run, they hear cancer and run. I’m worried they won’t get it or won’t realize they probably already have it no Matter how hard I try to explain.