I've quite had it with my vajayjay at this point and quite possibly my easily sidetracked mind, although I find blaming my anatomy at the moment much for satisfying than copping to my own shortcomings. I had 2 ovarian cysts removed 3 years ago and my surgeon asked me to also come back for a pap 6 weeks after surgery.. Now this is where my fabulous procrastination and avoidance skills come into play. I decided I'd wait and see my GP as it was free and I was SO not forking out another $180 for an app with the specialist. Not long after that we started renovating, travelling, making the move interstate. Pap all but forgotten. For the following 3 years I just lived with the aches and twinges atributing it all to ovary cysts and my 'possible PCOS' diagnosis. The last 12 to 18 months have been the worst, twinges now sharp pains whenever I move wrong, or bear down to pee, or god forbid have a full bladder or empty it. The bleeding in between periods starting 12 months ago along with spotting after some lovin', attributed to either too rough, hormones etc. Diarrhea? Lactose intolerant. The last few months, maybe 6?, I've been eating less. I've always been a bigger girl, hips for breeding and legs for rugby lol I love food, Im no longer hungry. I've lost about 10kg. Which for me is REALLY noticeable, now instead of being a 16-18 (depending on the brand) I'd be a 12-14.. My boobs are gone! I think I miss those the most! I can't walk for long periods of time without needing painkillers before hand and an endone 2 hours later. Sex? Forget it! Afterwards the pain is incredible, if anyone on here is lactose intolerant you'll understand the gravity of it when I say this rivals those pains.
So 2 months ago after my husband and I both had had enough, I went to see a GP in Darwin where we now live about my Ovary issues.. After scans, blood tests, and the dreaded internal ultrasound (everything except kidney function) came back clear. My GP then asked me, "When was your last Pap Smear?". Well, shit. after being flabbergasted and trying to calculate when my last smear was (oh my god... Mortified) I replied 5 years ago. So, she kindly asks me to jump up on the table and got herself introduced to my lady bits (not even dinner first..). The smear itself for the first time in my life was PAINFUL, the little plastic thing was bloody when she removed it and she looked at me solemnly and asked me to get dressed and meet her back at her desk. She grabbed a lovely chart displaying different cervixes and pointed to the one resembling dog food labeled 'Cancerous' And informed me that this is what my cervix looks like. A week later my Pap results came back stating 'High Grade Squamous Intraepithelial Lesion'. Endocervical component -Present. Abnormal cells are indicative of CIN III. i was then presented with an urgent gyno referral. Public system which means weeks of chasing up the hospital to ensure my referral was lost and having to resend it and wait for confirmation, the only other thing my GP could do was send me through emergency, which I considered overkill for little old me and my poor neglected cervix.
So here we are, my app is tomorrow morning and after some loving with hubby last night I'm seriously considering a sex change. His parts are far less maintenance and I'm a little bit jealous of that.. Of course I can now say after weeks of studying to become a Dr under Google's tutelage I am now an expert specialist in absolutely nothing lol according to my rigorous googling I can conclude that I'm either pregnant, have cancer or didn't absorb a twin properly while in utero... Thanks Google, you sure do know how to show a girl a good time! ;)
I can honestly say I've worried myself into a state of relaxation and can't wait to get tomorrow over and done with! Yes, Im aware of the contradiction there :) but it sums up the situation pretty well! I just wanted to say to all the ladies out there, you are not alone and it's perfectly ok to freak out! I'm nuts on a good day, this saga has definitely made for an interesting chapter lol and that's all it is. A chapter. It's not the end, it's not the beginning, it's just part of the story! I don't know if all my 'symptoms' are related to my cervix or all just bits and pieces on their own. But I do know (now) that worrying myself about things that in MY situation mean worst case scenario for someone else, gets me no where but more grey hairs than any 26 yr old should have! So, smile, cry, laugh, eat a bowl of frosting but enjoy today because we only get to live today once!
Much love! x