High grade dysk result terrified (child mentioned) bit of a long post

Hi everyone,

I am a freaking out 51 year old !  I went for a smear test last Tuesday.  My last one was less than 3 years ago but I just had a feeling I should go for one so I requested it and said that I had some abnormal bleeding - which is true as my periods have been a bit strange the last year or so.  But then as I am 51 I figure I am getting menopausal.  

Whilst the nurse was doing the smear she asked if I had any discharge and I said not really, then she said, oh, ok well let's just wait for the results.   Ohkaaaay ! That worried me so I said what did you see, do I have some massive growth or something and she was blasé about it and said no, don't worry just looks like candida.      She said I'd get the smear results in 2 - 4 weeks.   
So this morning I get The Letter - saying I have high grade dyskarosis and will be receiving an apt for a colposcopy within 14 days.
So I assume that the nurse put a priority on my test because of something she saw as I've got is result in less than 4 days !!
I've restricted my googling to reading the posts on this site and the cancer 
research site - trying to be sensible but its hard not to be completely terrified.
I have a 6 year old son, an alcoholic loser of an ex husband who most definately could not bring up my son if something happened to me and I have to be honest, that is what worries me the most - what would happen to my son.
I've had lower back aches and problems for a many years,  but never had anything checked out as I just figure it's the normal back aches everyone gets from time to time - in fact I've not been able to laze in bed for 10 years as every morning I am in pain when I wake up.   It's been worse the last few years but you know what it's like with a kid, you don't have time to worry about every little niggle you have.  I've been too busy being a single mum and working full time.     So you can imagine the right now I am convinced I have not only full blown cervical cancer but that it's already spread out of control in my body - is that normal, to have those fears ?
The only thing stopping me from spiralling out of control with this fear is that I had both a gastroscopy and colonoscopy 18 months ago for gastric problems and both were clear.  Plus the fact I've had clear smears regularly for the last 30 years.  I am holding on to that as hopefully an indicator that if there was anything it would have been picked up by the endoscopies.
I dont expect anyone can allay my fears, but just getting this all down 'on paper' has helped
I just hope I get the colposcopy apt soon 
I'm so glad I found this forum it's given me so much information for what is bound to be a very anxious next few months.
Thanks for listening

Bless less you Disey, I like you had severely abnormal smear so sent for colposcopy. Few days ago found out it is cancer and now waiting for MRA. I too have had bad back for a few months now, been tired, had spotting in between periods and some bleeding after sex but, with a 5yr old daughter and working full time as teacher/assistant head teacher a long way from home, I never found the time to go to the dr and even put off my smear for 6mths as all had been clear in the past. Now it has all caught up with me, I've made the link between all these symptoms and am now worrying myself silly (hence why I am on here at 2.30am and have been past few nights). Us ladies can be silly creatures, we ignore things then worry. But there is nothing you can do at the moment but wait. And, if you have read ore posts on here, waiting is the worst bit. You have no control. So, be patient, realise what is done is done, talk to friends/family (don't keep things inside) and keep yourself as busyas you can. Fingers crossed for you, good luck Donna x

Thanks for replying Donna and I'msorry to hear you've had the CC diagnosis.   I am great 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst' person so given all the circs I think I will also find this has progressed past per cancer cells.  I think (hope) I can cope with that providing it's not gone beyond stage 2.  But like everyone else I will have to wait and I've not even had the colposcopy yet.  

I truly am not generally a Pessimist about what could be happening here, just a realist you when you have a young child I think you have to be.    I didnt have my son until I was just turned 45 and he has been a gift to me, the idea of not being around to bring him up to adulthood is by far the worst thing.   I have an amazing family and lots of close friends who will be able to support me if I do need treatments still scarey though ! 


Hi, i also had a high grade smear result back in July. I had my colposcopy the week after i got the results. It took 5 weeks for me to get the results back, which came back cin3 so i’m having loop treatment on wednesday. I think its pretty normal to fear the worst, like you i also am alone bringing up 2 children, n am scared what will happen too them if i do have cc, my main worry being they’ll be split up, my son going to live with his dad n my daughter with my sister. I like so many other ladies on here have found the waiting throughout all this horrendous, cos your worried sick, i’m also scared i’ll be diagnosed after treatment cos i’ve had bad lower back pain since before xmas and am pretty sure sex would be painfull, as well as having a seemingly permanent discharge that i used to only get when ovulating. I’m praying that after treatment my results will confirm the biopsies of cin3, but i’m worried sick they’ll be worse. CC is usually very slow growing with you having kept up to date with your smears hopefully it will just be precancerous. I stupidly have gone 7 years without a smear so am very worried. Good luck with your colposcopy, hopefully you’ll know more after n i hope you get offered the treatment there and then, i unfortunately wasn’t which just leads to more waiting. Thinking of you Sharon x

I've been trying not to think too much about it all, been very busy at work and that helps.   I was hoping I would come home today to find a letter giving me the date for the colposcopy but nothing was on the doormat.   It seems from reading the other stories that the colposcopy apts are usually quite quick so finger crossed I will get mind soon.  I live in south London and our PCT is notoriously busy and wait times for many procedures seem to be long so i may investigate a private colposcopy - though I say that having no bloody idea how much it would cost LOL ! But the idea of waiting is doing my head in.   Everyone says waiting is the worst part and I think thats going to be right.   I am not a patient woman at the best of times !


I hope your loop treatment goes well on Wednesday Sharon, and thanks to both you and Donna for chatting to me - it really helps



That's ok x

Private will not be cheap as MRI was £500-700 when I asked various places and a hysterectomy is over £5000!!

Oh for a lottery win... X

Hi Disey, hopefully you’ll recieve your letter soon.Its hopefully already been sent out, i got both my letters together n didn’t have to wait long for my colposcopy. If when you get the letter the appointment is for a few weeks time, n you hate the waiting i’d ring up the clinc to see if you can get a cancellation. I know a few women on here have done that. Thinking of you sharon x

Got my appointment through today it's for next Monday in the afternoon.  I've got my best friend coming with me for moral support.  Pretty scared to be honest ur best to get it done ASAP eh 

Disey xxx

Hi Disey, i’m glad you’ve finally got your letter and good look for monday. The colloscopys abit like a long smear n if they take biopsies it should only pinch a little. If they do offer you treatment there n then you should find it quick and painless really i just felt the injection, but i was surprised how quick n painfree the treatment was i had on wednesday. Try not to worry too much, hopefully you’ll know more on monday. Take a pad with you incase you get biopsies or have treatment the ones there are like bricks. Good luck for monday x

thanks for the heads up on the pad Sharon.  Its a weird feeling because I am very glad its going to be done soon, but also terrified they will tell me they can see already that its cancer rather than CIN if you know what I mean.  


How did your loop treatment go




Glad u got letter as waiting is the worst bit.

I had just over a week to wait for my colposcopy. Wear a dress, like for a smear, so you don't have to get changed. They then put u up in stirrup type things with a sheet to hide your modesty then you can look away if you like or look at dr or look at the screen to show what is going on inside! If he sees "bad cells" he will tell you straight away and, if it is like my hospital, he will offer to do loop there and then.

I  said yes so they stick a pad on your leg to "earth" you, quick injection which you hardly feel then he gets on with it, all done in about 10 mins. There is a bit of a smell of burning when he seals the wound then I was given a pad in changing area but take your own, if wish. He then had a few words with me and said he would send results out in the next 3-4 weeks. Nurse said it didn't hear anything after 5 weeks to ring them.

I  got a phone call to ask me to go into hospital for results which was 2wks 3days later. Have a chat to people about having colposcopy- I found out 6 of the ladies I work with have had it done, 3 of them twice!!! Then have heard a couple of other people have had it done too so is more common that you think. T

TRY not to worry Fingers crossed for you Don x

Hi Disey, my loop treatment went fine. I was very surprised how quickly it was over after my first colposcopy n biopsies that seemed ti last forever and i got really emotional, that didn’t happen this time. The treatment was rather painless, the only real discomfort was from the injection to numb the area and them having to find the right size speculum. I’m glad its now out of me and i only have to wait on results. Good luck monday, i hope they do the treatment there n then if you need it, the waiting really is one of the worst parts in all this. I’ve now decided i’ll deal with it if it happens, i’m sick of worrying myself silly.

Hi, I'm 45 and just finished treatment for stage 3 grade 3 breast cancer. All my smears were normal until last week. Came back high grade and have my apt for this Friday. I'm so worried I have cancer again. 


They took biopsy's and will be two or three weeks for results. On the screen I saw lots of white patches anyone know what that means?