Having a bit of a wobble today

I think I can safely say that the shock is starting to wear off. I'm definitely a lot more emotional since Saturday evening!

I took today off as sick leave and planned to give myself a bit of a pamper day to cheer myself up but instead I've sat here for about 3 hours now just reading through the old forum posts on here crying my eyes out, lol! I didn't notice the old forum posts until today, brilliant place for any other newbies to look - there's so much info in there.

Still doesn't feel real though. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to say "I have cancer"....that sentence is just too much!!!

I'm struggling to know how to act around people too - is this normal or am I just weird?! It's difficult to have a 'normal' conversation as my thoughts are just all focused on one thing....but that's not to say I want to talk about that all of the time either. I don't know what I want tbh, so I do feel sorry for anyone around me because how would they know what they should say if I don't even know! I know everyones hearts are in the right place, but unless you've been through it yourself you have no idea how someone feels. I sound so unsociable, lol! I'm not, well I wasn't before this anyway. It's just feeling like a minefield of being offended/offending people/getting upset/upsetting other people! x

Hi Boop

Firstly… You’re not alone, I was exactly the same as you now. Until my treatment was finished none of it seemed real… And I feel only now I can say I HAD cancer… I was never able to say it until I had my all clear! And the few people I did tell… Although I felt so strong and not upset my voice did this little wobble when I said the words!

Don’t worry about being unsociable or reacting differently to people… You’re going through so much right now… And anything you want to say or do is acceptable… I realised the people that are important will understand and the ones that aren’t can pee off :wink:

I know there’s nothing more I can say to help you but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. You will get through this and you will come out the other side a stronger person :slight_smile:

Massive hugs xxxx

P.s - I found the old Jo’s forum too!! Every story I could read helped me :slight_smile:

Infact … To show how normal your feelings are… I posted a post with exactly the same title as you in the same forum back in may!

xx

Oh my, you sound exactly how I was when I was first diagnosed. It’s such a shock. Just want to give you a big hug!

The one thing that helped me was to know that it’s ok to have a bad day. Allow yourself to feel it and take it in. I did this knowing that maybe the next day, or the one after that, I’d probably feel a bit better about my situation. Just take each day as it comes, sometimes you’ll need a cry or to be angry and that is absolutely normal and expected. Some days you may want to just forget about it and get your hair done!

I wrote a blog at first to try and get my emotions down and make sense of it. It’s on my profile if you want to read the early stuff. Writing really helped me as an outlet to try and understand it all.

I don’t think there’s a ‘right’ way of dealing with it, you’ve taken in some big news and your mind is trying to process it, whilst being understandably worried about the things you don’t yet know. And that’s the toughest bit. Once you’ve got your MRi results, you’ll have a bit more to process than the ‘unknown’.

I’ve got everything crossed for you, when are your results?

Take good care of yourself
Xxx

Ha ha! Really?! Well I definitely don't feel unusual now then :)

I'll have a look at your blog, thanks :) That sounds like a good idea actually - a way to have a bit of a vent about it all. Interesting! Might give that a thought myself....

I think I might be hooked on this forum already - it's such an awesome place. Everyone on here is so supportive and friendly and just knows exactly what you mean (even though you know that you are waffling!) whereas if you try and explain it to someone removed from the whole process they don't quite 'get it'. It's a definte sanity saver!! :)

Hopefully later this week. The MDT meetings at my hospitals are Weds and you then get called in on the Fri to discuss their decision. So hoping it'll be this Weds/Fri for me but all depends on the quickness of the MRI results I guess! xxx

Hi Sweetheart,

TBH, even if you have been through it, you can't know how someone else feels, only how you felt. Either way, it's a big shock and a lot to take in so my advice is to say and do whatever you need to do to get through it. Needing time to process it all before you decide who you want to tell what to sounds like a smart move to me.

My advice, for what it's worth, is not to worry too much about offending or upsetting other people. This is one of those time when you are allowed to put yourself first and focus on what you need. If this was happening to a friend or relative of yours, you'd understand them doing that, wouldn't you?

Yes, some people around you may not understand or say the wrong thing, but in my experience there's rarely any malice in it, just clumsiness. It can still hurt though, so keep your distance from those who don't buoy you up and do your best to surround yourself with positive vibes, whoever they come from. Some of my closest friends and nearest relatives were the least helpful to me, whilst two women I work with turned out to be angels.

You never know who'll come through for you until the chips are down. You may be surprised. By the time you are through this, I guarantee you'll have surprised yourself with your own resilience. Trust me, I know.

Good luck with the treatment plan, having had adenocarcinoma myself I do inunderstand the uncertainty but you'll know what's happening very soon. Keep in touch xxx

 

 

You are perfectly normal!!

Before we are diagnosed you think you know how you would react to such news but the reality is you don't 'react' you just  deal with each day as it comes and cope best you can.

Its a rollercaoster you would prefer not to be on and it seems endless at the moment. I think many of us on here will identify with your comments about the news not sinking in at that point. Once your treatment plan is confirmed and dates sorted  I hope you will then  begin to move forward and before you know it you will have HAD cancer. 

Family and friends mean well and often don't realise their actions or words are unhelpful. It  has made me think about some things i have probaly said or done in the past and now realise I probaly wasn't a very good friend to have but those same friends were a fab support to me as they KNEW how it felt.

Best wishes and remember all of us ladies on here  will always know how you feel if you need to rant xx

Kathxx

Thanks all xxx

By the way Boop, I just read your earlier post about how your line manager failed you at work. No wonder you are feeling so battered. You poor thing. Want the Jo's posse to come give her a boot up the bustle on your behalf?

I actually wrote an email and sent it round at work so everybody knew what was what and nobody had to whisper in corners, feel embarrassed or pretend that they didn't know. It was the right approach for me, but I know it isn't for everyone.

Writing it down and seeing it in black and white actually helped it become real for me  - it might be an idea to write something down, even if you never show it to anyone. Just a thought. x