Got myself in a real state :(

Hi everyone, can someone please help me, i have worried myself silly :(

I am 43 and three years ago came out of an abusive marriage. Straight after that i behaved totally out of character and had quite a few one night stands (about 12) over the space of a year, which i so regret. During my 20 year marriage i suffered from clinical depression and am only just beginning to recover from it, now that i have divorced the "cause" of itFrown.

During my marriage i only went for one smear test, i couldnt have cared if i lived or died, so it had been 13 years since i had a smear test. I finally got the courage to have one done in February 2013, and it came back clear. I plan to have another one soon as i was bleeding a little at the time, which was a bit of spotting which i usually get a couple of days before my period and im worried that might have given a false result.

Last year i met a lovely man whom im still with and love very much. But now i've been hit with endless worry and guilt about my reckless behaviour. I havnt had much peace of mind and am constantly worrying about it. I googled about smear tests which gradually led me to find out about hpv. I've read so much about it that i've scared myself and cant even concentrate on daily tasks. I am so sure that after that many unprotected encounters i must have hpv and to top it all up, after going last month for an STI check, i found i had Chlamydia.

I googled that too, only to found so many articles implying a link between chlamydia and cervical cancer So now i feel so sure that i will get cervical cancer and have got myself back into a state of depression. At the moment i've got a horrible urine infection which occured after taking the chlamydia medication. It burns so much when i go to the loo, and the doctor said my acid levels where the highest on the indicator chart.

After reading what some of you are going through i feel my worry is nothing in signicance, but i've got myself into such a state. Just as i started to feel happy with life, i feel like my actions have come back to punch me in the face. Frown x


Hello Tinker

There seems to be a lot of similarities between you and I; same age and same relationship issues.

If youve had a smear test in February this year and it came back all clear then I doubt very much that you have HPV, or indeed if you did then your body has fought off the virus and dealt with it by itself. As far as the chlamydia is concerned I cannot offer any advice but if you are concerned about a cancer link then I urge you to talk to your GP or GP practice nurse.

You're in a new relationship now, with someone you say you love very much. If I was you, I'd focus on what joy you have now, and try not to over focus on the things you cant put right. Yes you did sleep around and yes it was reckless but thats past now. You need to concentrate on ridding  yourself of the chlamydia, allow your self to heal from the urine infection and focus on having fun with your new man. Life's too short for regrets.

One last thing I would urge you to do is never leave your smear test - believe me when I say that I find them really hard to have done - but whatever the outcome is it gives you peace of mind knowing that it can be treated. Stop worrying tinker, that was the old you, enjoy being the new you.

Good luck x

Thanks so much for your reassurance Lilly Smile. You are right, i need to concentrate on now and have started to make an effort to do this and forgive myself for my mistakes. I suppose i was just looking for affection, but totally the wrong way. I have to move out of this rut. I have took control of my health now and will be vigilant, but i know i also have to relax a bit. I also sent my worries to the "ask an expert" and their response has helped me too. They said that i just need to continue with my smears and should also consult my doctor of my concerns for reassurance.

I hope things are going ok for you too Lilly, i can feel lots of positive vibes on this site, you sent me lots and im sending lots back to you too! Big Hugz x