Hi everyone, can someone please help me, i have worried myself silly :(
I am 43 and three years ago came out of an abusive marriage. Straight after that i behaved totally out of character and had quite a few one night stands (about 12) over the space of a year, which i so regret. During my 20 year marriage i suffered from clinical depression and am only just beginning to recover from it, now that i have divorced the "cause" of it
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During my marriage i only went for one smear test, i couldnt have cared if i lived or died, so it had been 13 years since i had a smear test. I finally got the courage to have one done in February 2013, and it came back clear. I plan to have another one soon as i was bleeding a little at the time, which was a bit of spotting which i usually get a couple of days before my period and im worried that might have given a false result.
Last year i met a lovely man whom im still with and love very much. But now i've been hit with endless worry and guilt about my reckless behaviour. I havnt had much peace of mind and am constantly worrying about it. I googled about smear tests which gradually led me to find out about hpv. I've read so much about it that i've scared myself and cant even concentrate on daily tasks. I am so sure that after that many unprotected encounters i must have hpv and to top it all up, after going last month for an STI check, i found i had Chlamydia.
I googled that too, only to found so many articles implying a link between chlamydia and cervical cancer So now i feel so sure that i will get cervical cancer and have got myself back into a state of depression. At the moment i've got a horrible urine infection which occured after taking the chlamydia medication. It burns so much when i go to the loo, and the doctor said my acid levels where the highest on the indicator chart.
After reading what some of you are going through i feel my worry is nothing in signicance, but i've got myself into such a state. Just as i started to feel happy with life, i feel like my actions have come back to punch me in the face. x
. You are right, i need to concentrate on now and have started to make an effort to do this and forgive myself for my mistakes. I suppose i was just looking for affection, but totally the wrong way. I have to move out of this rut. I have took control of my health now and will be vigilant, but i know i also have to relax a bit. I also sent my worries to the "ask an expert" and their response has helped me too. They said that i just need to continue with my smears and should also consult my doctor of my concerns for reassurance.
