Well I got my results back last week and everything came back clear and I do not need anymore treatment which is great news, plus I have finally got rid of the catheter after a month after my surgery and I am so happy I do not have to wear that bag anymore. But after having my hysterectomy I feel lost in some way I know it sounds silly but I have always had a plan and I felt content with that but after finding out I had cancer and couldn't have children everything has changed.I just don't know what to do with my self, I know I should be happy that I do not need any more treatment and I am grateful but I can not shake this feeling. Has anyone gone through something like this?
Firstly great news that everything came back clear. I have read a few posts on here with a very similar feeling. Kirsty66 did a really good post about how she refound her mojo not very long ago. I am not quite technical enough to know how to add it on this thread but if you look her up or her post up it might help you. I think the title was something like 'the help was there when I looked' or something similar. Obviously everyone's situation is different, but it might give you some pointers for local support. You have been through so much, and just because the treatment has stopped, does not mean that you can just pick up and carry on.
I know just where you are coming from. You have always been in control of your own life (destiny?) and then cancer has come along and tugged the rug a little. It's not a disaster because you have been 'cured' but your faith has been shaken and there is something a little bit slippy between your feet and the floor. Not surprisingly this is just how people who have survived earthquakes feel. It does take time, you may find that you need a spot of counselling at some point along the line but this doesn't mean that you have 'failed' or aren't 'coping' or anything like that, but I think that most of us need a helping hand at some point with the readjustment required to continue forward in our previous straight line. It takes a bit of time but you'll get there.
Sorry you're feeling down, it's so much to get your head around and when all the appointments die down you're left to realise what's happened.
I really struggled for a while mentally and found that this book was very helpful:
The Cancer Survivor's Companion: Practical Ways to Cope with Your Feelings After Cancer
There are lots of organisations that help too usually Maggies or local charitees that you can get some free counselling from to help you deal with everything.
I know the "good news but feeling lost" very well. That was me a couple of months ago. I feel much better now! :) The support I got from my local cancer care charity was fantastic - I really needed a bit more professional TLC ;) and it's been good to sit and chat with people who understand how I'm feeling. (If you search under my name for other posts you'll be able to read me wittering on about this a bit more! Think it's called "help was out there").
It's an odd feeling - you think you should be moving on, you think everyone else thinks that too, but you don't feel ready for that. Please feel free to pm me!
I did take a look at your post and everything you was saying is the way I feel, with everything. I was even planning on going bk to work 2 weeks earlier to help and I think I would be ready till one of my work colleague text me to see if she can put me on the rota on the 1st June, I am sighed off till the 10th June. I did go into work the other day just to drop off a card and everyone was saying how well I looked and when am I coming bk to work. They was all acting like I am better and I'm having a nice time being off.
They just don't get it, and when I was there i was shaking and I was getting really hot and having major anxiety. This has been happening alot recently and I have no control over it, I just don't know what to do with my self.
I have good days and bad days, but I just feel so lost at the moment. Sorry to keep going on. But I am gonna contact the Maggie centre luckley we have one in our area and I have appointment with my gp on Wednesday
Hi Kama, So sorry you're feeling like this and I really do identify with what you're saying. It's so hard when everyone seems to think you're just fine and you feel like you still need some recovery time. Sometimes people seem to act like they think you're better because it's the only way they know how to act. They say, "Oh, you look well!" because they think that's what you want to hear. I met a group of people recovering from cancer a couple of months ago and they all said the same thing, "Everyone thinks I should feel fine now but I don't feel fine and I'm worried they'll think I'm a wimp." They all said that! It made me feel so much better. I know there are some people who seem to bounce back quickly but we're all bringing different things to this experience and it's okay not to be all perky and back to normal just yet.
I'm having anxiety problems too but I have found some strategies since doing a Stress Management course that have helped me feel more in control. If you've got a Maggie's Centre, that's great. That's where I did my course, had some reflexology and generally got permission to be kind to myself. And you do need to be kind to yourself! I had a bit of a set-back a couple of weeks ago when someone upset me and I couldn't deal with it. It knocked my confidence so much and I became hugely anxious again after thinking I was on the mend. I don't think I realised quite how fragile I was. (Feeling a bit better now! :) ) If you are entitled to have more time off work and are able to then I would urge you to take it. It sounds like you need a bit more time to recover emotionally. I still have times when I don't feel able to see other people. A crowded event freaks me out and seeing lots of people I know, all at once, panics me. It's taking me much longer to get over this than I thought - 5 mnths after the op! I also get tired very easily and my pelvis still aches regularly. Added to that, I have post-operative nerve damage in my thigh meaning it feels like a real effort to walk sometimes. (Moan, moan, moan! ;))
It's such a roller-coaster! We will all get there and do feel free to sound off to me. I do know how you feel and I send you a huge virtual hug! Take care and be kind to yourself!
