Bit low again today. I know its totally normal to be up and down. But I'm fed up with it. I'm fed up with my wound scar aching. I'm fed up with the big belly overhang. I'm fed up with having to wear giant knickers that my hubby says I could use as a parachute (totally gentle teasing to make me laugh, not being mean). I'm fed up with only being able to wear loose, elasticated waist trousers or maxi dresses. I'm really fed up with people telling me "but you didn't want more children anyway", because selfish as it is, despite that, the loss of my fertility, the loss of choice about it, is something I'm finding hard. And I know its selfish because so many lovely ladies out there have had the choice taken away before they even had the chance to begin. So then I feel guilty about that. I feel guilty that my cancer has been treated "easily" by surgery alone, and that it's gone now, although that obviously a good thing. A family member was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly before me and has now started her chemo with radiotherapy to come and I hate that she has to go through it.
I bought a journal at the start of this, just to keep track of my emotions. I've barely used it. Not written in it since I was in hospital, 7 weeks ago. I think I need to hunt it out again and start some simple jottings. I am also starting a course of mindfulness meditations today, and am going to ensure I go out for a proper walk every day. Hopefully that will help perk me up on these low days. I'm very blessed with a great support network which helps massively. And next weekend I'm off for my first support group meeting. I had to pull out of the Let's Meet event that hubby and I planned to go on, which is a shsmr, but I hope the support group will help.
Sorry to have such a big moan on a Sunday morning, sometimes you just need an outlet don't you?! I don't even need replies. Just somewhere to vent. Thanks for being here. Hope you are doing OK on your own journeys xx