I don't know what advice anyone can give if any, but thought it would be quite cathartic just siting down and typing out all of my worries.
I only have myself to blame really - I'm almost 32 and was called for my first smear at the age of 20 as at that time, that was the usual age. I went along, no problems but the results came back inconclusive, as I believe was fairly usual using the old screening method on young ladies. Unfortunately whilst waiting for my results or soon after, they raised the age of first smears to 25. Of course, being 20 and not really enjoying lying down with all my bits out (to strangers anyway!), I took advantage of the age increase and decided I'd go back when I was 25 rather than straight away. I'm now beating myself up as I put it off even further, using excuses like working shifts and standbys meaning not being able to guarantee keeping an appointment (telling myself I didn't want to inconvenience the nurse). What's so ridiculous is that the prodedure didn't even bother me - I was just "too busy" and genuinely kept forgetting. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!
I finally got around to booking a smear last month and everything has just been a rollercoaster ever since. I realise that some ladies seem to wait for weeks between receiving results and waiting for colposcopys, treatments and biopsy results and part of me is grateful for the speed at which this has all been processed, but at the same time I'm panicking that it's because they're supicious of something particularly nasty. I got told this morning that my high grade dyskaryosis was severe and had treatment as you can see below. The lovely nurse told me that I should expect my biopsy results within 2 weeks and if I've heard nothing by 02/05 then to call the direct number for my results over the phone. This is potentially only a month from my initial smear to biopsy results!
I'm keeping everything bottled up and haven't told anyone as I don't want to worry my friends or my parents unnecessarily. I only got married in September and we were hoping to try for a baby this summer. My husband knows and he's aware I'm anxious but I'm trying to gloss over it with him as much as possible, although when I spoke to him about it the other day I burst into tears and I had a bit of a wobble this morning before my colposcopy appointment. Poor guy, I nearly took his head off for not getting out of the bathroom.
I'm not expecting sympathy as it's my own stupid bloody fault that I'm in this mess. So many young women have bad results from their first smears at 25 years old. I'm just so angry with myself for letting it get this far and I find it hard to admit to my husband what a moron he's married!
Thanks for putting up with me. Rant over.