Friendship Lost?

Hi

Has anyone else experienced friends kind of cutting you out? I feel quite angry that this person has basically ignored me since I got the all clear. I used to be able to have long chats with her and now I feel quite lonely without this person. I have tried reaching out to meet but I am met with no response, sometimes the occasional message is answered but as soon as I suggest meeting up I get no response. I know my friend has her own mental health issues but not in an offensive way but being hung up on whether they are pretty enough etc is not a big issue compared to a cancer diagnosis and all the check ups and anxiety that comes with it. I dunno whether to keep trying or just not bother x 

Hi misstel,

sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, I have some experience of the same thing.

i was best friends with someone from age 4, stayed close but didn't see each other too all the time but still best friends when we grew up. she moved abroad before I got diagnosed but we still spoke all the time.

unfortunately when I went for my op she never once contacted me to check if I was ok or if I had lost my womb as before my op we didn't know whether they would do a trachelectomy or hysterectomy.

i still never heard from her until I contacted her and she was like I am sorry I've been busy.

To cut a long story short a year after my op I had to have another MRI and I was obviously worried sick and told my friend I had to have it, she didn't care less and never asked about the results. 

Two weeks later after the results I told her it was fine and thanks for asking, her response "don't be mean I have been busy". 

i have never spoken to her since and don't plan to ever again. If someone can't support you or even ask how you are after something like this, they don't deserve any place in your life.

some people think I am so harsh but I will not change my mind.

its an unfortunate position to be in but something like this definately shows you who your friends are x

Hi

I also have seen the true colors of some people because of this journey. Some people whom I never concidered close friends have proven themselves as really good people and have gone more the the extra mile to see if I'm am well both mentally and physically. Even after the all clear they still have stuck around. Yet, some people including some family members have shown their true colors by being ignorant and selfish for various reasons. Cancer has its pro's I suppose because we have the opportunity to see the trueness of the people around us. 

Cancer is a funny thing when it comes to people, some pretend they are your friends, I think, so that they can act like a hero by being your best friend during treatment or looking like great people to others because they are there beside you. Others, run scared cause they don't know what to say or do. The reality of the situation makes them realize that no one can escape adversity. 

The true friend is there from start to finish, beyond getting the all clear. They might have stepped up recently but still continue to show they care well after treatment has completed. 

Honestly, let her go.... move forward without her. Take and cherish what you had and move forward. Yes, you will miss her but it's time to let her go. 

Hi Tinkerbell

Thank you for your reply. Sorry to hear you had a simlar siutation but I feel better knowing its not just me! I was with other friends a couple of weeks ago and she messgaed me to slag them off I then said something about her not meeting me and she just said she is feeling rubbish. We used to meet every week and I have met her twice this year. I feel like as soon as she does reply I will just jump and meet her but in the back of mind I will still be angry. I think about it a lot as my other close friend moved away recently too although she has been lovely and always keeps in touch. We have been friends for 20 years... I even said I had my check up last time in conversation and she jus ignored it. I feel pretty hurt. Yeah you are right, some people have been great and it definitely shows people's true colours and how selfish they can be.

Hey Lolli thank you for your reply. Yeah even though it is a horrible thing it defintely allows you to see who your true friends and family are and what is important. I wonder if she is just scared that it has happened to someone close to her but I dunno I guess I am just making excuses for her. I have tried and feel like I should say something to her to let her know that she has been a crappy friend but maybe that is just childish?!x