First time smear

Hi everyone, I hope I'm posting this in the right place! 

I'm 29 years old and have been receiving treatment for vaginismus, because of my condition I didn't have sexual intercourse until November 2016. This was after several years of therapy alongside a VERY supportive partner. While things are a lot better sexually, I do still experience some pain and discomfort now and again, so I still find myself getting very anxious when someone else is near my vagina (when I first started treatment I used to have panic attacks when I even put my finger close by!) 

For me, my final obstacle is the smear test which I know I am overdue. Up until recently the results never worried me, but all of a sudden I am really starting to freak out that after all the delaying that something may actually be wrong with me. I think it's partly because I now see the smear test as something I could get through as opposed to previously when it was out of the question. My other trigger happened tonight when I was practicing with a speculum given to me by my therapist. When I looked inside my vagina, I couldn't see my cervix but the surrounding areas were white and the discharge that was on the speculum was a darker colour. I know the answer is to get the test booked but this has really scared me. I know this could be any number of things, but because I have waited so long to have a smear I'm really scared that I have allowed myself to develop something serious! I'm in bed now practically in tears, I really want to get up and take another look but my partner is still awake. 

Freaking out :-(

Hi. I am assuming as you have had no reply you may have given up on this forum but I ahve read soemthing interesting that might help. In some areas the nhs are offering a trial where women like yoursleves have a smear they can do themselves? Maybe worth looking. Or there may be some funding for you to get private help? Dont stop trying its not worth it xxxxxx