first smear extremely scared

Hi ladies.

I,m 34 years old, lost my virginity in 2012 when I got married (prior to that, I didn,t have any sexual intercourse of any kind, not even skin touch-touch not even a tampax) , I had never had a pap smear in my life.

I have what I call vaginismus, I have try to have coital intercourse with my husband a few times, with problems since it hurts so much to me, that he hasn,t be able

to do a full penetration....I have tried 3 times already to have a pap smear, with no luck, every time the gyn doc try to insert the speculum on me, it hurts so much that i feel

is tearing me appart, I can,t handle it, the gyn doc gets mad and push me out of his office. I have fibroids, and a ovarian cyst, my periods are normal and last between 4-5 days as usual.

Since I have fibroids I choose to use lupron depot shots, after I had my depot shot 2 weeks later I started to have heavely watery brownish/yellow/bloody discharge that lasted for like 2 weeks then stopped.

This is my 2 month on depot shot, something weird happened to me, i don,t know if is related or not to the depot shot, but 3 weeks ago i have a BM and went to the bathroom

after I finished the BM i saw pinkish watery liquid came out of my vagina...this episode happened 3 times on the next days (when I had BM only, not before and not after i leave the bathroom) than suddenly, it haven,t happened again.

I,m scared, sometimes I have like 1 or 2 drops of watery brownish-yellow discharge that happens like 1 day per week, i,m scared...and thinking a lot about cervical cancer.... since watery discharge and bleed on BM (even if only happened 1 time) are CC symptoms :(

I have an appointment with a new gyn doc on sept 21, I truly want to finally do a pap smear but it hurts so much to me, I don,t know what to do! is there something

i can do to make myself more comfortable for this horrible test? I,m very scared now... can you develop CC in 3 years of first sexual contact?

Hi, I don't have the same problem as you, but I did have difficulties with sex as my first experience was unwanted, therefore I was much more anxious & tense than normal when I met someone I did want to be with - it took a couple of weeks for it to stop hurting, & then about a month for it to stop being uncomfortable.  Years later I then experienced alot of pain during my LLETZ because I was so worried I was very tense, & unknowingly tightening my pelvic muscles - every movement they made trying to find my cervix was extremely painful, & then when it was done they had difficulty removing the instrument & told me I simply had to relax if they were going to get it out.  My smears & colposcopy were slightly uncomfortable but nowhere near painful as I wasn't tense.  I can appreciate how much difference the involuntary muscle contractions you have must make, & I really feel for you.

Maybe if you practice contracting & relaxing your pelvic muscles yourself each day you will be able to take more control of what happens when you go for your screening?  When you are really busting, but need to hold it in you are contracting these muscles.  Maybe for a couple of days practice contracting & relaxing them throughout the day, & then (sorry if too much info) when you are feeling more comfortable try to do the same with one finger inserted to get used to how it feels using these muscles with something inside.  If that goes okay then maybe progress to two.  Hopefully with a bit of time as you become more aware of these muscles you may then be able to take more control over what they do during your screening, & maybe even sex as well.

It may possibly even be due to a psychological fear that can be dealt with in therapy sessions?  I'm glad to hear you are going to a new gyno, I would have a really involved discussion with them about all your issues & concerns, hopefully this one will be able to do something to actually help you deal with this problem. 

All the info I have found on cervical cancer indicates that it takes a very long time to develop, around 10yrs, so please release this fear as it will probably only be making you more afraid & tense when you go for your smear.

*hugs*, all the best, & please let us know how you go.