hi everybody,
today I have my first ever smear test scheduled. I am absolutely terrified. I'm about to turn 30 and recently, it's been on my mind because of 'symptoms' and a feeling that something is wrong. I forced myself to bite the bullet and book my screening at least to be done before I hit the big 3-0.
I'm an incredibly anxious person, when I turned 25 I was suffering infertility issues and investigations, it turned out to be endometriosis (which causes pelvic pain as a symptom) and at the time, it was just one more invasive procedure that my anxiety couldn't cope with. I was lucky enough to conceive my daughter after my Endo diagnosis, and with a young child I just never seemed to find the time to get round to booking my smear :( now I feel like a complete idiot because my delay tactics that im using infertility & having my daughter as an excuse for could potentially mean my daughter wouldn't grow up with her mum around.
since I booked the test, I have worsening pelvic pain, and also lower back pain. I feel as though every time I go to the loo im going to be bleeding (I haven't had any abnormal bleeding) but I'm terrified that what ive been passing off as Endo could in fact be something more sinister. Or is it just my anxiety making me think every pain is worse? I'm also berating myself for not going to my smear! I'm also terrified that this afternoon the nurse will have a go for not going sooner, see 'something' sinister on my cervix, that I'll hurt or bleed afterwards which will make me worry even more if that's possible, and of course the dreaded wait to get the results.
I've been too scared recently to have sex with my husband, this is how anxious I am that something is wrong. I have told him this and he is my absolute rock, I couldn't ask for a more understanding man. He is very reassuring and calming, but when he's not around I panic more and I just don't know how to cope with the test this afternoon and the next 2 weeks wait. Let alone that letter landing and opening it for my results.
I'm sorry to ramble, thank you for reading. I just wanted to get this out there.
AQx
Hello AQ,
I'm 29 too! *waves* :-) I also suffer from anxiety (and depression) and, like you have long-term symptoms in that region. I also had put of my last smear test due to anxiety - I'm a rape survivor and have struggled with a resurgance of anxiety that comes from feeling vulnerable and exposed when being examined. Luckily for me I saw the most amazing nurse at my GPs. She literally couldn't have been nicer, and made me feel super relaxed. Also feel very lucky that when I had to have a colposcopy, it was 2 females doing it, and they too were amazing and kind.
I'm no stranger to the dark worries that can flood the mind regarding symptoms and what they may mean. I would recommend that if you are concerned about worsening pain, don't just rely on your smear test for answers. Please do go see a Dr about it too. It may well be a flare up of your endo, and they might be able to send you for tests etc to ease your mind. There are so many 'lady problems' that it could be, but I think it is human nature to assume the worst. Please do let us know how it turns out, and if you really were being an Anxiety Queen ;-) Best of luck xx
Hi Gretch :)
thank you you for your reply. Well, I have at least calmed down a bit though still waiting for my results! I did get a bit 'admonished' shall we say, by the nurse who performed my smear for not having had one before. She didn't report anything sinister on sight on my cervix so that's one worry less! However, I think the smear itself (and possibly my anxiety) set off a massive Endo flare, the biggest ive ever had before and last Monday I was triaged in gynae assessment by my Endo consultant & had an ultrasound. All looks clear, but ive been swabbed for blinking everything just in case & seeing him in a few weeks to discuss another lap to release what they think is adhesions & get rid of more Endo.
I admitted to him my worries about smear etc and he said when he swabbed me all 'looks' healthy so if there are any abnormalities he sincerely doubts its full blown cancer. And that im likely to have a very 'sensitive' pelvis due to the Endo. Great! Still waiting for that letter to land though!
Thank you so much for the support I really appreciate it. We women don't half have to go through some invasive prodding don't we?!
AQxx
AQ, So glad you've been to docs and they have been so reassuring. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you to get your results ASAP :-)
xx
Thanks hun, just itching for that letter to land now so I know what's what! Trying not to make my mind go overdrive that the longer it takes the more likely there is there's an abnormality as it may have been delayed for HPV testing - what kind of Logic is that?? It's not been 2 weeks until Friday!
waiting for things like this make me mental!
xx
So relieved to be able to update that I recieved my results and they are normal. I feel incredibly lucky right now.
thank you so much for the support xx
That's brilliant! Thanks for letting me know. Must have been that nasty endo causing you grief :-( I hope they can successfully get rid of some of it to give you a bit of relief xxx
