Hi I am new here and don’t know quite where to start. I have been advised from my counsellor that joining a forum and finding friends who understand what I have been through/ going through will help me get some sort of closure on my ordeal. I’m 28 yrs old and a single mum to my gorgeous son. On June 2005 I was advised from my GP to be steralised as I had experienced a lot of problems with irregular periods and masses of blood clots. This was in turn aggrevating my anaemia which they reckon was caused to poor appetite when I was 15-18 and had an eating disorder. I got my 1st smear at the age of 16 due to concerns from my GP, I didn’t get another smear until I was 20 and this is when they found I had abnormal cells. They schelduled me in to have laser treatment at the colposcopy suite on Oct 2005. However that July I found out I was pregnant so I called and cancelled the colposcopy appointment.
I had a few complications with my pregnancy due to bleeding but everything was kept right with regular scans. April 2006 my boy was born and my anaemia was gone and for the 1st time in years I was no longer on medication and was a full bill of health. When my son was only 9weeks old I revisited my GP as I was still bleeding daily after the birth which seemed odd. My GP reassured me this is common and it will stop on it’s own time. Another 2 months passed and I was still bleeding so again I went to my GP and again I was fobbed off. I waited another 2 months and returned to my GP concerned that I was still bleeding and also I was suddenly feeling tired and weak so wanted my iron levels checked to be sure it wasn’t my anaemia again. Results came back a week later saying my bloods are fine and I’m only tired because I am a new mum, I had just moved house, I had just seperated from my partner of 5years and I had returned to work. All this seemed plausable so I continued on being a newly single new working mummy. I then remembered I had had abnormal cells prior to becoming pregnant so notified my GP I would like to now reschedule for laser treatment, however this now required another smear test which I couldn’t get while bleeding. After 3 attempts of getting a smear that was readable my results showed that in fact I did still have abnormal cells. The nurse who conducted my smears also noticed that the bleeding I was having was coming from my cervix but didn’t seem concerned so neither was I.
On the 28th of April 2007 I went to Crosshouse Hospital for my laser treatment while my son stayed at my workplace with colleagues as I had not informed family or friends of this appointment. I was very naive then thinking I would just go they would get rid and that would b the end of it. I never for a second thought I might not cope with public transport or might be a little tender afterwards. However that day when I arrived all jolly and smiles like I was every day I was not expecting the doctor to tell me he couldn’t perform the laser treatment as what he could see in my cervix resembled a tumor! He done a biopsy there and then and told me to come back in a week for my results. I have no idea what I was thinking that day or how I felt as it was like it was all happening to some1 else. I wanted to go and collect my son nothing else was on my mind. I remember saying to the DR that I had no idea what my cervix is and asked him “what does it do, what is it’s purpose?” He looked horrified and simply said well it actually doesn’t do anything. To which I replied, “well remove it, if that’s where the cancer is just take it away and the cancer will be gone too.” Little did I know that things are never that simple.
I returned to the hospital 1 week later to be told it most certainly was cervical cancer and they would need to do an MRI scan before they could tell me much more. Again I just wanted to return to work and collect my son. I told the Dr that day just to make the appointments and I would show, all I want is to see my son grow up. That day I told my boss at work as I knew then I had to hand in my notice to quit. She was the 1st person I told and after how she reacted I wanted her to be my last.
The following week I visited my gran after my MRI scan. I wanted to tell her but couldn’t until I knew exactly what was happening with my body and how or if they could treat my cancer. I didn’t want people asking me the questions that were now flooding my brain that nobody could answer. I was to return to hospital again the following week for a consultation and to discuss everything in full, my gran told my aunt and uncle who offered to take my son for me during that appointment and they drove me there and back as I lived 17 miles from the hospital. I agreed as I had so much to do before next week as Sean’s 1st birthday was fast approaching and I had 2 use it as a distraction. I threw him a huge party and bankrupted myself in the process, I hired a photographer, bubble machines, decorated my house and garden in party decor, just incase it was the only birthday I ever got 2 see.
wed the 18th I was told that my options depended on the MRI scan results, I just wanted a hysterectomy I wanted this thing out of my body and gone out of my life! Just two weeks later I received a call to say that my scan results were back and I was to go and speak with my GP. It was the size of a tennis ball and only on my cervix! Well I was delighted as 1 can be about having a tumor. I now just wanted surgery!
The following week i went back to hosp escorted again by my aunt and uncle with Sean in tow. The DR explained that surgery is an option but would understand as I was only 22 that I may wish to try Chemo and Radiotherapy. I refused and insisted he give me the hysterectomy as I didn’t want to waste time having chemo or radio then to wait and see if that works and if not to be told that my cancer has now spread to other areas and a hysterectomy is no longer going to work! He agreed that I had made the right choice and explained exactly what a radical hysterectomy was and the recovery process. When I left that room I felt a huge relief and skipped down the corridor with my son. My aunt was very suspicious of all my hospital appointments and started asking questions. S o I told her I was to wait fo another appointment for a hysterectomy. She laughed and said you are way too young for that, which I replied “no I’m not, I have cancer” My uncle almost crashed and she started to cry, luckily I had Sean in the back of the car with me and he pulled a face which made me laugh immediately. Now that I could answer questions I decided to bite the bullet and tell my mum and dad over the phone of course. My dad was inconsolable and came round to check I was ok and hugged me for the 1st time since I was a kid. My dad and mum told all my brothers and sisters. My big brother came to my house a few days later in tears and still I couldn’t cry about it, I just got on with planning my hosp trip.
The hysterectomy! This was the worst time of my cancer journey. 8 long days and nights I was kept in hospital, 1st time I had been away from my Sean overnight since the day he was born! I worried my whole time of how he wuld be without his mummy, I felt like part of me had been ripped away! My aunt and uncle brought him to the hospital to see me 2ce during my stay and they visited every day as my mum and dad wouldn’t. They were fantastic and I would of been lost without them. The day before I got out of the hosp the surgeon came to see me and told me that they successfully removed the tumor but unfortunately the hysterectomy hadn’t been 100% successful and they had 2 remove more tissue than expected as the cancer had in fact spread 2 my lymphs so they will now recommend chemo. I agreed to the chemo just to be sure that this cancer would be banished completely.
I now had 3 more weeks to get up some strength and try and put some weight back on before going for six weeks of chemo. These weeks were the hardest as when I returned home my family and Sean’s dad failed to support us and Sean almost ended up in care. He was a little over a year and I could not lift him in and out of his cot/buggy/high chair, I couldn’t bend to change his nappy and I couldn’t even move a hoover or lean over a bath tub. I fought with social workers and health visitors until they agreed to get home carers to visit me daily to assist with seans needs and they got him a nursry placement for mon-fri.
I am now finished all treatments but still struggle with the mental scarring and the horrible stomache pains which I experience weekly. As warned b4 my op I have damaged bladder and bowels and soft tissue at either side of my vertical scar. I suffer this and make the most of my good days as this is so much better than not being here at all. My son turns 7 this wed and evry birthday I remember how I 1ce thought I would never see more than 1. I also want to add a huge thanks to my Aunt who sadly passed last April of cancer as she became my mother when I badly needed 1 xxx Fiona xxx
Oh my goodness what a story Fiona! You certainly have come to the right place!! Lots of amazing ladies on here who are always there to help & advise :)
Im quite new on here & in awe of a lot of ladies, inc yourself,who have come through some horrendous times!
I have just finished treatment & waiting now for follow up appt scan etc to see how it's worked...I'm terrified! & people seem to think it's all back to 'normal' now...that it's all over!? :(
I have a little girl who was 6 this month...I too think oh god all I want is to see her grow up...I was diagnosed 20/12/12 had MRI scans Xmas eve & NYE & kept thinking what if this is the last Xmas & new year I spend with her 'my husband...it's awful..whilst trying to remain 'normal'!
I hopepos get the support that you deserve on here...sure you will Hun!
Welcome & take care
Lots of love
K xx
thanks K much appreciated hun. Hoping to find some support as my friends and family are like yours (on your post) they just don't understand and make me feel like I'm moaning or being silly when I panic over appointments, results or any strange lumps,spots, blood or just general tiredness.
Good luck with your next appointment, wishing u and your family all the best xxx
Its perfectly normal to feel anxious and scared over hospital appointments when you have been through what we've been through. People who have not had our experience will not understand like we do so you are in good company on this site, WE UNDERSTAND!! Alsp I found most p[eople do not know what to say or want to try and reassure us by saying we will be OK nothing to worry about its just a check up or everyone feels tired sometimes/has lumps and bumps whatever.
You have been through a lot and have had to cope as aingle Mum so be kind to yourself you are amazing so don't forget that. I had the all clear in 2004, last check up 2009 but I can still have the odd worry. I think you should have had more support at the time but you have done brilliantly. If you have any concerns just post them on here writing them down might help or asking for some counselling support, I found that helped me.
Take care xx
Its perfectly normal to feel anxious and scared over hospital appointments when you have been through what we've been through. People who have not had our experience will not understand like we do so you are in good company on this site, WE UNDERSTAND!! Alsp I found most p[eople do not know what to say or want to try and reassure us by saying we will be OK nothing to worry about its just a check up or everyone feels tired sometimes/has lumps and bumps whatever.
You have been through a lot and have had to cope as aingle Mum so be kind to yourself you are amazing so don't forget that. I had the all clear in 2004, last check up 2009 but I can still have the odd worry. I think you should have had more support at the time but you have done brilliantly. If you have any concerns just post them on here writing them down might help or asking for some counselling support, I found that helped me.
Take care xx
