Kelliwoo, I know the blame game too... I had abnormal smears and at the last one I was told I would be on 6 monthly recall after a punch biopsy..That was 4 years ago!!
Anyway 4 weeks ago I finally went and had a smear...I had thought in my mind that the last one was all clear and that I was on a yearly recall ( not the case, 6 monthly! )...but for some Egghead, god darn it reason I got to busy, had no symtoms...felt great, life was going at a happy pace with my kids and work, moving house ... and a small voice in my head would pop up from time to time and say ..you better go get one and I didn't... So dumb in hindsight very dumb.
And then bang that brick wall was right in front of my face when the word cancer was given. Please try and not beat yourself up ... as you need all your energy to get better and to beat this. There will always be what if's... I should of's and why the hell didnt I!! Nows the time for saying and thinking I can beat this and be kind to yourself. I know that can be far harder than it sounds.
Anyway just wanted to wish you and Mel lots of love and luck