Feeling very angry with my boyfriend

/(men in general)

I know it is irrational but why is there no test for men… they transmit it and women have to suffer the consequences. Feels like the treatment is similar to birth control in that it is seen as a woman’s problem.
Anyway sorry for the rant… it is really affecting my relationship, i don’t really want to have sex with my boyfriend because i feel too upset and angry (can’t even say that it was him for sure that gave it to me).

Take a time out and let yourself feel angry. Did you just get some results recently?

I know you know it’s not his fault. But when you get distressing news it’s normal to want to find a direction for your upset and frustration. Can you talk to your boyfriend about how you feel (without taking it out on him I mean!) so that he at least understands why you are maybe behaving differently and clearly upset etc?

Feelings don’t always have to be rational :slight_smile:

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PS and to be fair, you don’t have to have ever had sex with a man to get HPV.

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Men don’t transmit it. That’s why there’s no test for men. Any woman can have cervical cancer, including those who have never had sex. I know the (male dominated) gynaecology establishment does like to promote the idea that it is caused by sex, also adding the fact you’re more at risk the more sexual partners you have and the younger you were when you first had sex but actually that’s rubbish. It’s yet more “blame women culture” claptrap. How do they know? Where are the figures??
I not only know several women who have had CC despite never having had sex with a man (and in one case never had sex at all) but also don’t know a single person who has ever been asked how old they were when they first had sex or how many sexual partners they have had. So where does this idea that it’s caused by having sex come from?
Woman are blamed for most of their own problems in life, including their physical and mental ill health, relationship problems, criminality, housing, poverty, poor education and other social problems as infinitum.
Please don’t blame your boyfriend. And if you don’t want to have sex at the minute, don’t. It’s the last thing on most CC sufferers’ minds surely.
I hope your boyfriend is supportive, as that’s what you need right now and if he isn’t then you don’t need him.

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Hello not sure what you mean? I understand and totally agree the idea that Gynecology in general has been male dominated and needs to change the fact that we go through painful byopsy without option of pain relief, like a punch byopsy,is crazy .And no sexual help from experts after Hysterectomy is total madness. But the reality is that most women with cell abnormalities and cancer are HPV positive and women that manage to get rid have cell changes not coming back. The reality is that HPV is everywhere and for the great majority of people is not an issue but for some unlucky one’s it is. There is a test for men to check for HPV but again the male dominated medical World doesn’t think makes sense to test. I have to say that my Gynecologist is a woman and she is wonderful and didn’t do any blame game at all she put the example of her also testing positive for HPV but her body got rid of it and that I was just unlucky .She also said that if I need another byopsy she will use local anesthetic as I mentioned it was painful and she agreed that it should be an option for all women going through this. I agree with some of your argument but the HPV part definitely not.

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thanks for the replies :slight_smile: i agree it is very mis-directed anger aha, really don’t want to be bitter and angry but difficult to snap out of it at times. Been a bit of a journey understanding it all as this was my first smear at 24 and i was totally clueless about it all. Feels like there is very little women can do to protect themselves as men transmit it without ever being tested. I guess i find that problematic. Sort of regret ever having sex in the first place but i didn’t have a clue about it all!

Anyway thanks v much for taking the time to reply + hope everything goes well with you all xx

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I am recently diagnosed with cc and a friend of mine asked me if I knew who I caught it from.

I was hurt, angry, embarrassed and in shock.
Some people are just stupid.

If I’ve learnt anything from having cancer it’s how inappropriate people can be and how overwhelmingly kind others can be :heart:

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