Feeling Stupid!

Do you ever have moments where you just want to whack your head against your desk?

I'm there right now!


I have a long history of abnormal test results starting back in 2009 at the ripe old age of 21. I've had 3 colposcopies and more punch biopsies than you can shake a stick at spread out over the years with a result of a combination of CIN1 and CIN2 but never had any treatment. I've been told I have two of the 4 high risk HPV strains (16 & 18) and I get a cervical screening every 6 months.

Well, I'm supposed to! This morning I went to go and get my smear test done and the nurse asked my why I hadn't been to the previous appointment. I missed my last 6 month appointment! I was moving house and my letter must have gotten shoved underneath some other paperwork while I was packing everything and it just didn't even register...

So yes, I am currently in the process of feeling stupid but also realising that it's very easy to forget just how vital something is when it's not currently a visible problem in your life.

I've been having some lower back pain lately as well as strange discharge and a bit of bleeding lately and it's not until now after the test that I realize that that may not be because of pushing myself too hard when I work out or a random yeast infection...


The nurse managed to get a bit of the discharge on a swab and perform the smear so I'm trying not to think on things too much at the moment but all I can think is..... that will have been a whole year. What if there had been a small change which could have been easily stopped at my last 6 month test? And I just didn't even go...

I suppose I can't beat myself up about it but the fear of me having missed one and something could have happened is much greater than the fear of the smear!

And now the wait begins...

Hi there, don't beat yourself up, you've been through enough at such a young age. I have just began the journey and if you want to meet stupid, then how do you do, cos here I am lol!!.

Didn't look after myself after I had my son and didn't get tested regulary. Availed of cervical smear campaign and am playing the waiting game too. In reading up I have discovered that it's not a cancer that progresses quickly, it can take years for the cells to turn (hope I am reading that right,open to correction!), so as long as you have gotten checked out then if there is anything then they have caught it.

This is my mantra until Monday. 

Stay strong, this site is a gift and I've been here a day lol!!




Hi there Karstasaurus :-)

Please don't beat yourself up. If something is found this time around you could find yourself spending years wondering whether or not it was lurking there six months ago. You will never know the answer to this so stop even thinking about it now. Please?

Huge love