Feeling sad

Hi there

Its been a while since I have been on the forum, so for those who don't know me I am now 3 years post diagnosis (god that feels weird to say), this time 3 years ago I began Chemo (taxol) radiation treatment so I suppose that makes me 2 1/2 years all clear. My dear friend Sarah who I met through Jos sadly passed away this March after a reoccurance and I suppose I am missing her more recently. I had my CT scan yesterday as part of my check up and had to go on my own, but that didn't bother me as much as the fact that its my first check up without my buddy. I missed her so much yesterday because our check ups were always in sync and much to our doctors torment we were always comparing notes. Our friendship was very independent from any other relationships we each had so none of my family or friends got to know her and how amazing she was and I suppose I am scared. I'm scared at every check up they are going to tell me its back, and it just seems the more I try to move forward with my life, the harder each check up becomes. I have adjusted to my "new normal" and actually life is better than it was before but yesterday and today well, I just feel sad. Sad that me and Sarah aren't having another all clear celebration drinking too much presecco together like we did before.


Hi Nichola,

I'm not surprised you are feeling sad. It must be a great thing to have a buddy to ge through your cancer follow-up with. It stands to reason that it was unlike any of your other friendships or relationships. Not only is it a huge loss but also a huge reminder of just how scary this disease is. I wish there were something I could do to help you feel less sad, but in fact your post made me feel sad as well so I'm not much help I'm sorry to say.

I hope you remain cancer-free for a very long life and that you are always able to remember your friendship with Sarah with a smile.

Go well



Hi there,

I'm really sad to hear that. You must be missing your friend terribly and maybe even feeling a bit of survivors guilt.

I too have made friends from here and whilst their support is invaluable when they are having a rough time, reoccurence, further treatment etc it is a stark reminder of what we are all going through.

Is there a way you could make contact with Sarah's family? Maybe send a card to let them know how much you think about her. I am sure it would be comforting all round. xxx