I was diagnosed with cc on 26th February. Last week I ended up in hospital requiring a transfusion due to abnormal bleeding. During my hospital stay they were able to do the MRI, CT and PET scans. The PET scans showed abnormalities in my lymph nodes so they performed laparoscopic surgery in order to take a biopsy of the lymph nodes. I'm currently awaiting the results of these in order to determine treatment.
Whilst I'm still sore from the surgery, I think the reality of being diagnosed with cc is just settling in. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and out of control of my own life. I'm struggling to accept that this isnt going to be sorted in a week or two and then I'll go back to my happy little life. I'm trying to put on a positive happy face for my family and friends because seeing their worry is heartbreaking. As a result theres no one I feel I can really be honest with as to how I'm feeling. I'm angry at the unfairness of it all and just want to scream why me. I was extremely happy with my little lot and happily plodding along with life when it all suddenly came to a halt on the 26th February. I hate this disease and everything it's done to me, I just want my old life back.
Thanks for reading, just needed to vent somewhere instead of it being constantly on repeat in my head.
you have had a rough time and it's OK to be sad and angry.
I think you will need support for the next few weeks, especially from people who are close to you. I would say share your feelings with others and accept support where it is offered. It is hard to drop the happy face but I think friends and familiy would hate to think you are suffering to spare them.
There is always this forum if you are determined to keep your feelings away from friends and familiy.
Thank you so much for your reply, Rufus, it has me in floods of tears and I'm not normally a person who crys easily. Just your kindness is what I think I needed to hear, sometimes we can set such unrealistically high expectations of ourselves and how we're supposed to react xxxx
I know how you feel. I shout internally at the FLBCC (little and cancer are the only two words that arent swear words). I tell it I hate it and that I am going to kick it's poorly differentiated squamous cell tumour arse out of my body. I, like you feel I can't tell anyone the actual amount of overwhelming emotions I feel... And its getting worse every single day.
But we will get through this... We will. And when we do and this s***ty s**t s**t situation is over we will meet up and drink cocktails.
you will get through this i was diagnoised with 1a1 cc at the end of november last year,i had cone biopsy on the 5th dec where my consultant was sure he had got it all, but had lletz on the 5 march this year just to make sure which came back clear so its 6 monthly smears now ,when i first heard the words cancer i cant describe the feeling ,just like i cant describe the feeling when you get told your clear if you ever need to chat please message me and cocktails sounds good xx
I echo the words from rufus, this is such a difficult and stressful time for you and totally normal to feel angry, overwhelmed and upset. I hope you can get some support from loved ones around you and also from the fabulous ladies on this forum who have been a great support to me and so many others. Hope you have a clear treatment plan soon, and we are always here if you need to vent xx
Thank you ladies so much for all your replies, the support on here has undoubtedly kept me somewhat sane over the last two months. I had a radical hysterectomy with lymph node and ovary removal last Tuesday, despite a few complications with low blood pressure and requiring a transfusion consultant seems happy and confident that he got everything. It's such an indescribable relief now to have the operation done and dusted and be on the other side. The way I am looking at things now is that it can only get better from here on out. The operation wasn't half as bad as I had imagined and even the pain afterwards isnt as bad. I'm struggling with bowel and bladder movements but think that's all to be expected and hopefully they will both return to normal over the next few weeks. I am definitely feeling in a better head space now anyways and I'm really looking forward to those cocktails with you ladies xxx
