Dear lovely ladies
It's a year since I realised there was something seriously wrong and 6 months since completing treatment.
I am now cancer free ( or Colin - free as I named the tumour!) and am eternally grateful for that.
I thought I'd reach out to the Jos community for some words of wisdom!
Does anyone else feel fed up but then feels guilty for that? I think the expectation is that I wear a pink tutu and run around the park raising money for a cancer - related charity !
I coped fairly well during treatment but don't seem to be coping so well with the long-term physical and psychological side effects.
As well as the tinnitus, fatigue and premature menopause I have significant stenosis and my upper vagina has become closed off with the scarring and ongoing problems with my bowels. The gynaecologist was able to reopen my vagina temporarily with her fingers but this caused a considerable amount of pain and bleeding. I am expected to do this to myself on a regular basis and cannot get my head round this. I have tried using vibrators in place of the dilators but still cannot bring myself to go far enough to cause pain or bleeding.
I have recently discovered that my vitamin D levels are very low which may account for some of the fatigue and weight gain and have started supplements but I am suddenly feeling very old and unattractive!
I have had some sessions with the psychologist which were useful at the time and my manager has referred me to Occupational Health. Unfortunately I am unable to get to the new Jos West Midlands support group as it is too far away and the local gynae support group is held during work hours.
Because of my history of anxiety I am terrified that if the cancer returns I won't be taken seriously , as before, & due to the stenosis I can't be properly examined.
A good friend I made at the hospital has had a reoccurence of cancer recently (or Clifford as she named hers!)
She is being very brave but I can see how frightened she is.
Anyhow I'll stop whingeing now but just needed to offload!
Hope everyone out there is doing well