Feeling embarrassed and ashamed after lletz.. Is this normal?

Hi! 

 

Had a lletz the other day and since then I've been beating myself up over how I acted during it. Was fine going in and chatting to the nurses, even fine with the speculum but as soon as she said she was putting in the injection I grabbed the other nurse's hand with both of mine in a death grip lol - she kept saying "take deep breaths" and honestly the fuss I made you would have thought I was having a baby! Once that was done I got a bit panicky and jittery from the local and she started the lletz and I felt some heat so told her to stop - then started worrying saying over and over again "am I going to feel it?!" so she had to stop what she was doing and reassure me that yes some women feel heat but we would wait a bit longer to start so I'd be more numb. We waited about 3 minutes and the whole time I was whimpering and worrying asking questions. Then when they were doing the lletz I grabbed the poor nurse's hand again and ... Looked like I was in labour. It didn't even hurt but the anticipation of pain was what made me freak out. I kept apologising cos I felt so stupid.

I'm not usually a wimpy person and can have normal injections without even flinching so just feel ashamed at myself for being so silly. I'm worried if I do have to have further treatment they will make me have it under general because I couldn't handle it under local -  but I know next time I'd chill out a bit! 

 

I'm also concerned she didn't get a big enough piece as she just wanted to get it done quickly... The piece she took seemed small compared to what I'd seen on the Internet. Maybe the size of a 5p coin in diameter and maybe 1cm thick? Surely that's quite small for cin 3...she said she is pretty confident she got it but maybe just saying that to stop be worrying! 

I think your lletz sounds the right size mine was 2.5cm and described as very big!! Plus I had Cgin so I think they remove more due to going up the canal. They say they usually remove a fingertip size amount of tissue

If they don't have clear margins they can call u back for more lletz but this time u will be Ok as you will know what to expect and you can tell the nurse that you are nervous. 

Please don't be embarrassed one of the reasons they have a spare nurse is specifically for your welfare. Because my smear hurt like crazy I was in tears and almost had panic before my first colposcopy. However I now look at the ceiling and do some yoga deep breathing! It might be worth practicing some deep breathing exercises in case you need to go back. I also use this technique when I go to the dentist as I HATE going esp the hygienist Yuck.

Hopefully they have all the nasties and you won't need more treatment. Hope u get clear results soon. 

Please don’t feel bad. It is stressful and there is nothing wrong with feeling scared. I have had so many colposcopies and I have fainted at nearly all of them. With my first lletz I was shaking uncontrollably and the consultant had to stop. Now I always warn that I am a wimp and bring chocolate for me and to share.

Those nurses will have seen sooooooooooo much worse!!! Mine was CIN3 but a ‘smaller, concentrated’ area. She won’t have done it quick, she will have made sure she did her best to get it all. Defo don’t worry about how you were in there!

Sure your results will be fine :slight_smile:

Sam