The other day, I went to the first party/large gathering I’ve attended since finishing chemo-radiation for a recurrence at the end of November last year. I wasn’t sure about going in the first place because I’ve been feeling really fatigued and achy recently (can’t figure out if this is treatment-related or menopause-related). Anyway, I left feeling really deflated.
It was like I couldn’t relate to anything these people were talking about. They were discussing house extensions and complaining about their young kids (I’m 36, and I can’t have children now), and everything they were saying just felt really trivial to me. I know that sounds mean. At one point, they were talking about how horrible hospitals are, and I wanted to shout, ‘you have no idea!’ I feel like no one has any idea of what I’ve been through, and I have no idea how much to divulge. When I try to talk about it, it feels like people make light of it or just brush it off. I ended up being really quiet and zoning out of the conversation a lot. At one point, I thought I was going to burst into tears!
I’m starting to wonder whether I’m suffering from PTSD or whether this is normal after what we’ve been through. Does anyone else feel like this?
Hi and yes I do know how you feel, in some ways you just want everyone to treat you normally and in other ways you think how petty people are and how insensitive. I truly dont think anyone means to be insensitive but when they talk to you about things that concern them you find it hard to relate.
I have 8 sisters and 1 brother and they have all been great but when we get together we talk as though nothings happened which is great but i cant take their worries and concerns about issues that now seem trivial to me seriously.
When youve faced a life threatening illness your whole outlook on life changes money, houses, cars etc mean nothing but for those who haven’t their issues remain the same and in lots of ways im glad cause the alternative would be reserved stilted conversations and i think that would be worse.
Friends and family love you but i can be difficult for them too.
Take care xx
I get it… absolutely. I hear people complaining and i want to scream at them!!!
Have you asked about counselling services available to you? I got 10 free sessions through my work but I’m nearly sure that Macmillan have them too.
Big hugs xx
Thanks, ladies. It’s good to know I’m not alone.
I tend to beat myself up for feeling these things, so I went away from the party feeling like I’d been rude and too quiet. I don’t blame other people for carrying on as normal at all, and as you say, I’m glad they don’t understand it in a way. It can just feel very isolating at times.
@Shammy716 I keep putting off counselling because I haven’t felt ready to talk about things, but I need to get my act together because I’m sure it would really help! xx
It does help. Ineeded to start the process of getting to dealing with it.
The most beneficial thing she advised me to do was write to the cancer.
Tell it what you think of it. Swear at it, really go for it. Then what I did was burn it. It was very cathartic watching it go up in flames. I felt silly as I started to write it and then all this anger came out. Really did help.
Thanks Shammy. I’ll definitely give it a go. I think anger is my main emotion at the moment so I imagine mine will be full of expletives!
Ach sure mine was a page full it! Every swear word I could think of and probably a few i made up!
Go for it! Give it what for.