Does anyone else feel like having to justify you've been through hell?

Hi everyone,

The 10th of August I had a letter come through saying they have found some highly servere bad cells after my regular smear test.

I was then booked in at 15th September for a Colposcopy where the doctor examined me and told me pretty much instantly that the cells were indeed very bad and would indeed develop into cancer if he wouldn't remove them. He asked me my consent to remove them there and then. As I was that scared, nervous and having a mental breakdown I couldn't bear the thought of going home and having to wait another week to have a LLetz treatment done. So I gave him my consent to remove everything. I don't want to scare anyone but for me it was the most horrendous thing ever! I was extremely uncomfortable', I was in panic, I was sweating, my legs were shaking, I wasn't exactly in pain but yet I could feel everything, not to mension smell everything ! (the burning smell!)  And to make it even worse my treatment took 30 minutes as they couldn't stop the bleeding.

Week 1 and 2: my discharge just didn't seem to stop, all colours of the rainbow, it was horrendous and I also started to bleed again, which worried me a lot! So I went back to the doctor.  

Week 2 to 3: my wound was infected and I received treatment for this. The antibiotics made me even more tired and caused me some stomach and intestinal problems.

I am now in week 3 of my recovery period and haven't been able to work at all for the last 3,5 weeks. I am literally exhausted, I am very emotional all the time, still waiting for my results to come back from my LLetz treatment as well!

My partner has been absoletly amazing in supporting me and wouldn't have made it without him. But to the the outside world I feel like I constantly have to justify myself for recovering from this horrendous treatment. I feel like because people can't see the wound, or all the other horrible stuff that is happening to my body right now that they think I'm just having a really bad menstruation period. Or that just because I don't look ill, just exhausted, that actually it can't be too bad what she's going through. Or because they can't see what it does to me mentally or emotionally that this LLETZ treatment must be alright.

No one has actually said anything like this to me and I don't know if this is just me being really upset, confused, insucere and emotional. All these thoughts just go through my mind all the time! it's driving me nuts!

And obviously i am aware that there are people out there who go through much worse then me, I just needed to offload this and to find out if anyone else has experienced the same at all? As I feel very, very confused....  




Thank god there is someone else.feeling the same as myself. I am an emotional wreck.  I found it horrific. If I hear another person tell me ah you'll be grand it's very common. It doesn't hurt bla  bla bla.... Well I felt every bit of it!! I'm only ten days after my lletz and I'm all over the place. The tiredness is so overwhelming. I took a week off work and I actually feel I could do with more time off. I have had excruciating pain in my groin, pelvis and one of my legs.  That has eased a bit now. I have a high pain threshold  and I'm not a baby about anything but this has floored me. I just want to cry the whole time


Hi ladies, 

Your not alone! I to feel exactly the same and it's been 3 weeks since my LLETZ under GA and I was in so much pain and due to infection I still have pain, I'm back at the GP tomorrow as I've been getting other infections and despite it being so long ago it just doesn't seem to stop! It's awful thinking you have to pretend to be OK because people expect you to be when in actual fact you are far from it, I feel your pain!

I have found that this forum and speaking to others who are currently going through the same has been a god send and being able to support one another and it's great that you partner has also been there for you, I feel this has put pressure on my relationship.

I hope you get your results back soon the wait is torture, keep us posted with your results. But in the meantime if you are worrying or feel unwell etc keep your GP updated, I have always keep my GP at a distance and just got on with it but if you body doesn't feel right only you know best. Maybe ask for a swab to be taken and a water sample to rule out anything else.  

All the best

Dannielle xx


July 2017- Smear - low grade abnormalities and hpv 

July 2017 - colposcopy - biopsy taken 

10th August - biopsy results CIN 3 

19th August - LLETZ and cone biopsy under GA 

** Awaiting results **