The 10th of August I had a letter come through saying they have found some highly servere bad cells after my regular smear test.
I was then booked in at 15th September for a Colposcopy where the doctor examined me and told me pretty much instantly that the cells were indeed very bad and would indeed develop into cancer if he wouldn't remove them. He asked me my consent to remove them there and then. As I was that scared, nervous and having a mental breakdown I couldn't bear the thought of going home and having to wait another week to have a LLetz treatment done. So I gave him my consent to remove everything. I don't want to scare anyone but for me it was the most horrendous thing ever! I was extremely uncomfortable', I was in panic, I was sweating, my legs were shaking, I wasn't exactly in pain but yet I could feel everything, not to mension smell everything ! (the burning smell!) And to make it even worse my treatment took 30 minutes as they couldn't stop the bleeding.
Week 1 and 2: my discharge just didn't seem to stop, all colours of the rainbow, it was horrendous and I also started to bleed again, which worried me a lot! So I went back to the doctor.
Week 2 to 3: my wound was infected and I received treatment for this. The antibiotics made me even more tired and caused me some stomach and intestinal problems.
I am now in week 3 of my recovery period and haven't been able to work at all for the last 3,5 weeks. I am literally exhausted, I am very emotional all the time, still waiting for my results to come back from my LLetz treatment as well!
My partner has been absoletly amazing in supporting me and wouldn't have made it without him. But to the the outside world I feel like I constantly have to justify myself for recovering from this horrendous treatment. I feel like because people can't see the wound, or all the other horrible stuff that is happening to my body right now that they think I'm just having a really bad menstruation period. Or that just because I don't look ill, just exhausted, that actually it can't be too bad what she's going through. Or because they can't see what it does to me mentally or emotionally that this LLETZ treatment must be alright.
No one has actually said anything like this to me and I don't know if this is just me being really upset, confused, insucere and emotional. All these thoughts just go through my mind all the time! it's driving me nuts!
And obviously i am aware that there are people out there who go through much worse then me, I just needed to offload this and to find out if anyone else has experienced the same at all? As I feel very, very confused....