I’m wondering if everyone discloses hpv or not to a person youre dating? And does it matter if test results now show negative hpv? It seems unclear if it can be passed on if it’s negative??
ive disclosed to two guys so far, and neither of them cared. I was worried about telling them a lot more than they bothered thinking about it. Just FYI - for those of you worried.
i feel like I’m obligated to tell, but my friend who has/had hpv doesn’t tell anyone. She didn’t have as serious a condition as me though (CIN 3 with cone biopsy).
What do you do?
I felt the same way. I ended up with Advanced Metastatic Stg 3 ICC after having 2 Negative HPV Tests within a 2 year time frame. I found out after a simple hysterectomy that I was HPV positive for 16. I was shocked. Men don’t get regularly tested. You can absolutely give them hpv. Someone gave me cancer. If I knew who it was I could save some lives. But I’ll never know. I think it should be treated no differently than HIV as far as disclosing that to a partner. But since most everyone will get a form of HPV in their lifetime, I wouldn’t worry about it. You wouldn’t want them to blame you for an Hpv related cancer when it very well could have been anyone else in their past. If you are dating a virgin, then that’s a different story. But remember, condoms do not protect against Hpv. Good luck. Hope this helps.
Thanks. Yeah, I’m wondering if it can be passed on if HPV is negative. Has anyone talked to their doctor about this? I didn’t get a chance to ask.
I havent been tested for HPV because I dont think the NHS bothers if your smear shows CIN3. A large proportion of the sexually active population has had HPV at some point. My immune system (for some reason) hasn't fought off HPV and therefore has made me succeptible to cancer. No one "gave me cancer". I can't "give someone cancer" by having sex with them.
I recently found out I have HPV too, I'm not saying I wouldn't disclose to a new partner (I probably will), but I think it's unfair and a complete double standard that women should have to tell a potential partner. Yet men can spread it from woman to woman without knowing or ever being tested for it. I feel like women are shamed for having this, i am really depressed atm and crying every day because I feel I will never have a relationship again because of this. In some ways I wish I'd never gone for my smear as I'd prefer not to know have an incurable STI. I know logically it's a good idea to have a smear test but finding this out has totally destroyed my mental health and I can't see a future for myself anymore. I am single and haven't had sex or sexual contact for 3 years. I always used condoms and never realised they didn't prevent it. I'm seriously concerned that I will have this forever as I must have had it for a long time. I feel totally depressed.
@Laureee. I can totally empathise with how you feel. It’s all I think about. If its not curable and goes dormant I guess it’s something we have to live with. I have not dated for 10 years and beginning to think I never will again. I would be open about my hpv if I did date and its already so hard to find a partner at my age. I feel trapped in a life of worry and as I am 61,when I have my follow up test in 11 months I don’t know if they will offer me any more testing. I suffer with depression too and It feels like only a matter of time before I have abnormal cells. So very stressed.
I met my current partner not long after finding out I needed treatment for CIN 3. I didn’t really know what HPV was at this stage and it wasn’t until I was tested that I then talked to him about this too. I certainly worried at the time about what he might think but in part I think this was because of my own lack of knowledge.
At the time I was still learning a lot about it all but thankfully he was incredibly understanding and even took me for my first appointments.
I also remember in the early stages of our relationship being sat in the car park at the hospital and having a talk about how we both felt about having children, it certainly fast forwarded our relationship!
8 years on we are still together and it’s been really important to be able to talk to him about all my subsequent treatments, especially as one of the big ones was having a hysterectomy. It’s not always easy but I think if it is the right person having HPV really doesn’t matter. I’m also much more confident telling others about my experience and I certainly do not feel ashamed.
So yes, I do believe in telling the person. It might be difficult but it certainly strengthens your relationship.
Please read the pages about HPV on Jo’s Trust. There are over 200 types of HPV; it is a common virus and if you’ve ever had a wart you’ve likely got HPV. It is NOT like the infectious type of STI some of you are thinking of. It’s endemic in the world population. Eight out of 10 people (80%) who are sexually active will have HPV. For most people it causes no real problems, but for some women (women, not men) it has the potential to cause cell changes in the cells of the cervix. This is why young girls are now vaccinated against it. Not because they are promiscuous, or need to be ashamed, but because it’s NORMAL to be in contact with HPV at some time.
Should you tell someone before dating? Why would you need to? They’ve probably had it anyway… The important thing for women is to go for their regular smear tests because the potential for abnormal cells is just one of those things women have to take on board along with periods and contraception. Most women throw off the virus in a year or so, and even slight changes in cervical cells can reverse and never cause a problem. But medical science has realised that the presence of this common virus can, in some women, cause problems that could lead to cancer if not detected. It’s only in recent years that smears have been tested for the presence of HPV in an effort to prevent the process of cell abnormalities. This is a good thing. If you’re one of the unlucky ladies to need treatment you will hopefully find your way to this site where you can get medical advice and forum support for the process. You’re not alone, and you’re not bad. You’re just normal.
Jacks133, brilliant 100 % agree thanks for writing this
Glad you have such a supportive partner definitely makes this much easier to deal with
In a nutshell, as one of Jo’s volunteers once explained to me when I was losing the plot, cervical cancer is not so much about HPV but more about one’s immune system - guilt and blame isn’t helpful or relevant.
Absolutely agree with this. If it was just standard HPV that cleared up on its own I probably wouldn’t have worried too much about telling someone I was dating.
I should clarify in my case the reason I chose to tell the person I was dating was because it was ongoing and a stressful part of my life. At the time I had CIN 3 and one of the nasty HPV strains so was at high risk.
Completely agree, Kontikitoo, that if you have surgery coming up people need to know - in order to support you, in the first instance. It concerns me that some people feel stigmatised and are worried about needing to ‘disclose’ when they haven’t had any abnormal cells, they are only HPV positive. Having any issues that are HPV related should not mean we feel ashamed, or that anyone should think they are ‘marred’ by having this common virus. X
It’s definitely an issue and certainly something I felt myself until I was more informed. I don’t have any issues with it now and really hope I can help inform others so they don’t feel bad about it, it’s stressful enough!
I liken it to having a cold when I talk to people about how common it is.
Or in my case I’m now thinking it’s more like long Covid
If you have high risk hpv i think it should be disclosed to a future partner. In April 2019 i tested clear for it during routine smear. Fast forward to now, two partners later and ive just had CIN1 and CIN2 removed and i have high risk hpv. Im not promiscuous, never had a one night stand. Im in pain, bleeding, waiting on results and i feel disgusting. So from my own personal perspective yes, people should be honest about their sexual health
Thank you. I have just seen this as not been on this site for a year. Thanks for putting things into perspective. I still feel quite depressed about it and I am getting very anxious now because I’m waiting for the results of my latest smear test. It’s been positive the last few times so I don’t expect it to be any different. I had a horrible experience during colposcopy so don’t want to go back (there were loads of people in room and they didn’t even ask me if I consented to this).
I have changed my mind on this now and wouldn’t tell a future partner about this. It’s unfair if only women have to get tested for it.
I understand how you feel, I feel the same. I honestly don’t think you have to disclose it to anyone having had some time to think about it. Hopefully your body will overcome it in time. I have had it for a few years now so getting quite worried.
This forum is very useful thank you. I have some questions: isa cervical smear the same as a pap smear? My pap smear has shown I have HPV and atypical Endometriosis. Plus abnormal cells but Dr said theres no growth on my cervix. I have to go for a Copolscopy next week and having so much anxiety around the fact that HPV is an STi plus overthinking about cervical cancer and how long the HPV will stay inside my system. I also have anxiety around guilt from my past sexual r ships and cried today . This is not easy…please send me love and good wishes. I dont even know what to expect . Ive even thought far ahead about surgery and i would prefer to follow holistic methods.