I'm in a very surreal world. I don't feel as though, it's happening to me. Within five weeks, I've gone from a small abnormal bleed to ring told I have CC. I am having a hysterectomy, whatever my MRI says, the only difference, is if I'll need chemo & radio too. I'm being as brave as I can, but having to tell my Daughter tonight, really hit me hard. It's early days for telling family but I am trying to be positive but I can't seem to get it in my head.
20/May Dr Appointment
28/May Colposcopy / punch biopsy
11/ June Loop treatment for CIN3
26/June diagnosed with CC
mri to come & confirmed treatment plan
Hi Sylvia im sorry for your news!
We are all here to talk to you advice and support you through this!
im awaiting the loop treatment under general in just under 2 weeks,
csn I ask when you had the colopscopy did they mention how it looked
under the camera at the time? Please stay strong snd positive through this xx
Hi Sylvia,
So sorry you have had to find yourself here but all the ladies on here are fantastically supportive.
I start chemoradiaton therapy tomorrow for a stage 2b.
I wish you the best of luck regarding staging.
Rachel x
Hi Sylvia :-)
Welcome to the roller-coaster! Sorry to hear you have had to join the ride but we are all here for you, every up and down, every twist and turn, every whoop or shriek. I know that when this first lands in your lap it is very surreal, very difficult to grasp hold of, very difficult to believe that
a - it is happening and
b - it is happening to you
but, it does become easier. I was a bit stunned to be told I should have chemo radiation after a hysterectomy had removed every single cancer cell and that it hadn't reached the lymph as they had feared, but I have learned along the way that precautionary chemo-rads is proven to be a great deterrent to recurrence and so shouldn't be regarded as a horror show. In fact, once you are acclimatised to your diagnosis and are in the system and more accustomed to hearing the word 'cancer' when medics are talking about your case, then chemo-radiation becomes a whole lot less strange. And if it is the precautionary Cisplatin, you will most likely keep your hair so please don't start fretting about that just yet.
I hope I haven't jumped in with both feet and said too much, this is all very new for you just now. Sending you a huge hug
(((((HUG)))))
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
Hi Sylvia, how are you today?
Firstly big hugs it is a massive thing to get your head round and like you I struggled telling people. Their reactions would often make me feel more scared but looking back it's because they are not aware of cervical cancer and how treatable it is, they just hear cancer and because they love you they are frightened.
I know exactly how you are feeling I'm waiting for a hysterectomy was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. It does get easier once the initial shock goes you need to think right I am going to get through this. I have found keeping busy a good distraction and don't google, I have banned myself! If you have a question post it on here that way you know you are getting information fron laides who have been there.
It sounds like they caught it very early as I see you had lletz like me for cin3, try to focus on the positives if you can.
Take care and big hugs again xxx
Hi Sylvia,
I still have moments of feeling it's not real and that it can't be happening to me. ...it's just something you hear about or read about, you don't expect it to happen to you.
I have found telling people hard, it's not like it drops into conversation nicely. How old is your daughter?
The waiting is the worst part, once you know exactly what you're dealing with it becomes a bit more manageable (I'm not going to say 'easier' because nothing about this is easy)
The ladies here are fab xx
Thank you all. I think, I will be needing to lean on here quite a bit. I told my Daughter last night & she was inconsolable. She is 15 & very aware because she wants to be a oncologist when she is older. Unfortunately, last year, her brother from my ex husband was diagnosed with lymblastic lymphoma. So I was able to support her & it's incredibly hard to see someone else she loves go through this.
Im glad I'm not the only one, who feels like it's happening to someone else. My partner is being very strong but, it's like nothing has happened, which is weird to see. I think the MRI will be the big fear now to get too.
You all seem so lovely, & I'm so glad there is support xx
Hi sylvia
my heart goes out to you, I had my colposcopy on Monday and was told there and then they were confident I had cancer. I too feel like it's happening to someone else and am eager to get answers but also dreading it.
ive found myself very up and down and still secretly hoping its a big mistake. I've found music, books, films and this site helpful when I'm struggling.
i don't have children but found telling mum hard as she has had breast cancer three times, but after I told her it was like a weight was lifted and I had support.
your daughter sounds amazing and sounds like she will be a great support. One thing I've stopped doing is googling I've been coming here or the McMillan site when Ive had questions.
im not exactly a model for coping but am at a similar stage in the process so feel free to shout me whenever.
i would agree with what the ladies are saying, this site has been really helpful and positive for me being able to talk to pepole who relate and can answer questions about the process.
Kimmy
HI,
it is a surreal world,very hard to get your head round.I just burst into tears everywhere,and god forbide anyone having a moan about how life is treating them badly because someone stepped on their toe (kind of thing)i could have punched them,(good grief give me strength,count to 10)It takes a while to sink in and process it i think,but you do slowly bit by bit at your own time.Remember to take some time out of this special world and have cancer( what cancer )days.I have people who i go out with who never have known that i had cancer,my choice,because i wanted(and i knew at the start and planned this)that i would need cancer free time out day(no one scared to upset,walking on eggshells)it is nice ,to feel back in the "real"world sometimes,how i coped anyway.My cancer was breast/ now also having gyae concerns,something to do with hormones.l sending a big hug,hope you zone out in front of a good movie with a big glass of wine and have a "god i hate everything and everyone"time for the rest of the day(family not included)Take care,mandy(breast cancer2013/2015 remission/gyae concerns now testing)
It's so surreal. It is the only word I can think of. I have two other children, one of 5 & 3. We are telling the five year old that mummy needs an operation and not much detail. The hard part is knowing that I need to keep brave and keep strong, when even now, I could just close my eyes & cry till I sleep.
Hi Sylvia how are you today? Yes I have similar aged children 5 and 7 and I'm dreading telling them we Have canceled holiday because of my operation. Good thing is at this age you don't need to tell them too much and hopefully they will be a good distraction for us. xxxx
It's hard today. I hate talking about it. I hate knowing what's coming. It's really tense now between me & my partner & I don't know how to fix it, because it's so new.
Hi,i feel for you,keep in touch,mandy
Hi Sylvia,
It's really important that your partner gets adequate support, both from you and from others. No doubt since your diagnosis the spotlight has been firmly turned on you, and those around you often get sidelined. Your partner will be having fears they may not dare to express so make sure that they have someone to talk to besdies yourself. This is really important.
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
I agree wholeheartedly with Tivoli (always full of wisdom!!!). Your partner may not feel comfortable talking to you because he doesn't want to worry you further and your head is in such a bad place that you instinctively don't ask. Right from the start of this i have struggled to get my other half to talk about how he feels, juzt tells me that as long as i'm okay it's all that matters. I have now eventually got him to tell some of his close friends so that he has someone to talk through his fears with.
You are going through enough right now. Don't let this consume you as a person or as a partnership. Talk, Talk, Talk.
Best of luck
Rach xx
Sylvia,
I am at a similar point too and want to offer you lots of love. my 13yo and 12yo are aware that cancer is scary, I am glad they know though.
It can be hard for partners - I had a go at mine then realised I needed to be very clear about what I wanted from him. He needs a friend to talk to!
I am sorry you are having such a hard time, it's all such a rollercoaster and I guess hard times are part of it. I am thinking of you,
Mitch
I turned my phone off today for a break of "how are you" "I'm sorry" messages. I came home and had a letter from the Hospital telling me about my diagnosis. It looks like I'm 1b staging but need the MRI to confirm it. Which is on the 6th.
Move no idea how I'm coping, but I keep getting told, you're so strong, but I don't think I am. I cry when I'm alone, I bite my tongue when I see sowmthing about C. I feel angry & I feel sad. Is that coping?
Yes, that's coping. Coping is being able to get out of bed and try a spot of life.
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
I'm trying to support my partner, & my family. I've spent hours on the phone trying to put things in place, give oh some space and time to enjoy things without worrying about me, it's just we can't really talk about it because he gets annoyed.
Its such a roller coaster & yet apart from bleeding and tiredness. Nothing had happened! I'm scared of the op, as I react v badly to GA, I need to give myself a real pep talk before I go in. I also feel very alone, & yet my phone doesn't stop and my door is being given a beating.
Glad I have this site and you lot. I think you will become so so important x
Sylvia, you are coping with it and you are doing so much. I bet you can't get any time for yourself easily, either. You may well still be in shock, feeling panicky... If you have an offer of help from people asking what they can do then see if you can think of things. I keep ordering casseroles from people even though I can cook perfectly well! Rescue Remedy is good, chamomile tea, if you are into homeopathy aconite for shock. Make most of helpful offers if it feels right. Stop, breathe, remember you are alive and you are loved. Keep posting here ;-)
