Diagnosed! Grade 3 Squamous Cell carcinoma Stage 2b.

I got my results and official diagnosis on Friday. 

The tumour is big (I forgot to ask the measurements) and has grown out of my cervix into the surrounding tissue. They've graded it 2b. 

I'm feeling good about it. I mean, it's not what I wanted. It's not all a big mistake, for one! Oops daisy, we thought it was cancer but it's just a bit of loo roll rammed up your chuff! It's not teeny weeny and super early, it's not even operable, but it could have been much, much worse I guess. Its still treatable. This is good news. 

I'm going to have a PET scan next week, hopefully, and then my radiotherapy and chemotherapy will be planned.

The only thing I'm really anxious about right now is telling my mum. I'm her only child. And she's all alone, isolating. 

Other than that, I just want to fight this stupid thing. How dare it invade my body. 

 

 

 

Ali you seem to have the perfect attitude to beat this and it is beatable. I know this isn't for everyone but I chose not to tell my parents. They live in Ireland and I'm in the uk so it was easy as I didn't see them all the time. My Mum is a terrible worrier and I didn't want her worrying for months. It was so much easier to tell her when my treatment was over. She flew over straight away and was quiet relieved to see I wasn't at deaths door. In saying that, I had a lot of sisters to support me. This journey is all about you at the moment. You need to do whatever will make your journey easier. Very best of luck with treatment and we will be here to answer any questions if we can.

x Maria

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Hi AliAliOkay 

I just wanted to say your post really struck a chord with me, as I too had the belief in the back of my mind that it was all going to be revealed to be some appalling administrative error! I had told one of my friends that my LLETZ had come back that I had cancer, and then immediately regretted it as I felt like a fraud for not having "real cancer". Well, it all got real soon enough LOL 

I also agonized over telling my parents, had to do it over facetime due to covid. I started it by saying, unexpectedly the doctors have found something I need treatment for but firstly I need you to know we have a plan and its very treatable and I'm feeling alright about it so dont worry. They were very upset but a few days on are finding ways to talk about normal things again which feels good. I know it hurts them that we cant see each other though.

I know you've had to be strong for your partner since your initial diagnosis and I hope he is feeling more reassured and able to support you emotionally, now you've had your staging and the road ahead is starting to take shape.

All the best x

Hi AliAliokay 

You sound like you are ready to kick it’s butt - good on you! I’m sorry you find yourself in this club none of us wanted to be in and your post made me smile - was sure it was a mistake too! Make sure you look after you  on the journey. My Dr told me at diagnosis- it’s treatable. It will either be hysterectomy or  chemorads,but both aim to cure.. Keep that in your mind as you go through this and if you decide to tell your Mum.It is treatable that is good news.

You know your Mum best and it will be a shock for her as it is for all of us. That is unavoidable. She may need lots of info or need to help in some way. I wanted to know everything so I was ready for whatever lay ahead. Jo’s and Macmillan were great at helping with information on the end of the phone. My Mam had to do things to help and researched a high protein diet for me as I had asked my Dr what I could do before treatment started. She said she felt better doing something to look after me. Do you live near enough to go and see her ( through a window I know and my heart goes out to you all going through this now). She may be reassured seeing you.

Its a tough, rubbish situation to be in, but follow your instinct and do what you think is best for you as Memagh said. If your Mum knows you are doing what is right for you she will also feel reassured.

You will get through this and it is a journey so keep that WonderWoman attitude( and you might not always - I cried a lot too). Best of luck and big fat virtual hugs - we are here anytime you need us xxxx

 

I held back telling my family until the day before I started chemo/rads. I wanted to earlier but covid19 got in the way and I didn't want to upset or hurt or worry them. I wanted to know in my head and my heart I was going to kick this. I wanted to be able to say without a doubt: I have cc, it's stage xx, it's going to be treated this way for xx amount of weeks and I'm going to be OK. 

I ended up not telling them the stage as it was 3c but I told them everything else and that ot was in lymph nodes that's why I was going down the chemorads route.  I told them in the back garden 6ft apart as I couldn't bare doing it on a WhatsApp/zoom call. It wasn't fair. It's up to you how and if you tell your mum. You know her best. But you will get through this xxx

 

Ali, so sorry you find yourself here. I too had a large tumor almost 6cm, I was in complete shock as I didn't have any symptoms but a little bleeding that started only a couple of weeks before my Pap smear.cervical cancer can be very emotional and lonely at times , just know you are not alone and plenty of us girls had to go through chemo and radiation treatment too and have finished and are doing good. Just be easy on yourself and take things day by day. If you ever have any questions feel free to ask.

I did choose to tell my parents-they are in their mid 70s and self isolating, and they have begged to come to see me but I have told them no. They are going to have to watch my children the week of surgery so I told them their job was to stay inside to do that and our job was to stay well so my kida would not infect them. I know it has been horrible and hard for them but they also walked by me during my (very nasty) divorce so we are no strangers to hardship. I think it is like everyone has said. Do what makes life easiest for you. There is no rule book for handling this.

Thank you so much, everyone for your lovely, supportive messages.

It really helps having people to chat to here. X

I chose not to tell my Mum because she was in her mid-late eighties, living on her own and quite frail.  It wasn't too difficult as we lived some distance apart; all I told her was that having some gynae investigations when I needed to explain missing a few visits to see her. 

x

I had very similar tumor size and staging as you. I am 1.5 years post treatment and still no recurrence! You've got this!!