New to this so please be gentle! I'm 32, had my first abnormal smear last September. My doctor called me to prepare me that I would be getting a letter from my Colposcopy unit, and of course I went into overdrive. I couldn't focus on work, kept having meltdowns, and was ridiculously emotional. I went to my colposcopy appointment and they answered all (my mums!!) questions but I was still quite emotional and was imagining the worst. Being a completely single parent, the whole experience actually prompted me to write my will.
My colposcopy result showed CIN1/borderline CIN2 and it was decided to follow up after a year to see if it had resolved itself. I went for my next smear in September this year fully expecting to be referred back to Colposcopy.
Again, I got my appointment (with about 3 days notice!) and I went along, just wanting to get it over with. I had a good chat with my nurse, who just so happened to be the same one I had the year before. I left the hospital and put the whole thing to the back of my mind.
Fast forward 5 weeks, and because of the length of time it took for my results to come back I figured I was ok (no news is good news, right?). Today I come home and get my letter saying I've got CIN2 and there's an appointment booked for LLETZ next week. Not much time to get my head around it.
I've told the people closest to me and have got mixed reactions. I've had matter-of-fact, blasé, and ignorance. All these I can deal with, but it's how I'm going to cope that panics me the most. I've a history of mental health problems and don't cope well with things that I can't control. I've already turned to my coping mechanism (in this case, alcohol) but I know that won't help in the long run.
I know I can get through this eventually, but I just need some bolstering from ladies who have been here before and know how I'm feeling. I get this is a long post but needed a forum where I can rant and not be judged for how I'm feeling right now, and not to be told 'you'll be fine'.
I really do hope there are some of you out there who can help, and again, sorry for ranting, but even putting how I'm feeling into words has helped.
Much love, Bridget*