Confused and emotional !

hi there,

In jan this year i had the abnormal smear pop through the post, this was followed up by a lletz in feb as it was cin3 with full margins or something like that (cant remember details trying not to hyperventilate!)

I was told they thought i had cancer back then but a team of specialist discussed my case and flakes made it look worse than it was????????????? (was told that yesterday news to me!)

was told they have got it all and to come back in 6 months...which takes us to now roughly,  Had smear 5.11.12 got a letter within 10 days saying appointment at clinic (yesterday) my CIN3 is back agin and he started on about margins and when they cut through it last time it might have gone further than first thought and they missed some?? maybe a tiny amount maybe more??? so now im booked in for next monday to have a loop again under general as they know what they are looking for now something about higher up and glands?? (had to go by myself didnt take it all in) if that comes back bad then i will be having a hysterectomy within 4 weeks??? whats going on?!?!?!

feel a tad emotional and husband gone shopping so i can have a mini breakdown whilst he aint here x

all i know is my letter in feb said severve dyk. cin3 ?carcinoma in situ then i got told cin1, then no, it was just cin3.  went to all appointments given everyone said i didnt have cancer, now they missed some as its all back after lletz? I asked for hysterectomy straight away but he wants to do another lletz first so he knows what he is dealing with????  aargh, my head hurts, (when had colposcopy on the 5.11.12 she said she couldnt se anything when dye went on..and ultasound when looking at ovaries (vaginal) came back i was relieved no just confused)

Apologies for the randomness of my post xx


Couldn't read without passing on a (( hug)) to you.

I do actually understand how you feel as i am in a very similar situation. In 5 weeks i have gone from mri and fear of c diagnosis to relief at it being clear and biopsy confirming origininal cin 3 diagnosis after all. Booked hysterectomy as lletz did not work for me. Was supposed to be having op on Monday. I got a phone call on Tuesday this week to cancel it as questions have been raised about histology report and may be cc after all! Having said all that mind my gynae has been very supportive of my confusion and anger.

I am made to feel i should be grateful its been picked up now! Soz but i don't feel very grateful for being misdiagnosed and 5 weeks wasted of valuble recovery time!

Iknow what you mean about being emotional and i too tried just  to break down when on my own so not to worry everyone even more. It got too much though and hubby felt i was pushing him away. We had a good old chat and even though not easy we are getting there together (men don't really get it do they  lol)

Waiting as i am sure you know is the worst part and it drives me mad. I am just trying to hang on to the thought that everything is done for your interest in the long term even if i am impatient it must be the correct treatment and decisions not rushed or taken lightly.

I hope you get more answers soon and the outcome will probably be much better than your imagination is scaring you with at present.

Even if there is treatment to follow I have found the ladies on here so brave and encouraging in difficult situations that it will make you believe you can do it too.  It has for me :)

Best wishes to you

Kath xx

Hi Kath, ((hugs)) back!

Thank you for the reply, although im sorry your in a similar situation! Its the not knowing that is the worse as im unsure what to prepare for!! every twinge or backache just confirms my worst fears and im driving myself potty.  I to was made to feel grateful that they have caught it now and whatever it is its treatable?! Its the lack of control and wanting to grab the computer screen and have a good butchers im trying my hardest not to do!!!!

After a row over dog food (lol) me and my hubby sat down and properly talked about it, and i know he is as scared as i am we both feel better able to handle the situation we find ourselves in :)

I hope you get the outcome you are looking for, although i know it was today...i hope your ok.

many hugs hun and thanx for listening, dem xx

Hi sindiedoll

I hope you are as well as you can be in this uncertain waiting period.

I had a bit of a wobble yesterday but feel back on track now (i think!

) I am now having another lletz which i argued i didn't want but now see it will help new doc decide if simple hyst would be an option for me (if margins are clear after lletz) rather than a radical hysterectomy which he says is over treatment for 1a1. I don't feel confident he will get clear margins anyway because first doc said it was difficult and too far up!!

 Unfortunately for me changing hosp and doc has given me 2 completely different opinions so i got so confused who to listen to.

I feel i had no choice but to humour him and let him try again :((

Sometimes it all gets a bit much and like you i just want a plan to plan! Am sure all will work out for the best for us all and in a few months this will be a bad dream.....

Best wishes and hugs

Kath xx