Colposcopy, waiting for results and a bit of an emotional wallow (sorry!)

I've been lurking on these foums for a few weeks while waiting for my colposcopy and I'd just like to first say thank you to everyone for being so anazing and supportive. This is such a great site. 

I know there are people going through so much worse so I'm sorry for this epic moan I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment so I just wanted to write things down and reach out a bit. Apologies for length of the post!

I'm 29 and resigned from my teaching job back I in July to go and backpack around SE Asia and volunteer in some schools. Ive been busy doing all the things you should do before a big trip like going to the dentist, sorted out bank stuff etc. I even went and had a full medical to get a working holiday visa for New Zealand, which came back absolutely fine.

I have really heavy periods so I went to get the mirina coil fitted earlier this month and they did a smear when I was there too. This then came back showing severe abnormalities and I was booked in for a colposcopy.

My colposcopy was yesterday and I was fine until I sat there in the waiting room with a 'How to support somebody with cancer' booklet on the table. 

The doctor was absolutely amazing and very reassuring about the fact that there is nothing you can do to provoke these abnormal cells and that its absolutely nothing I've done and categorically not my fault that's it's happening to me.

I told him about my plans to backpack and asked him if he could give me a general idea about how bad it looked 'in there' and he said that he couldn't do that but that there are very good hospitals in SE Asia so I could get treatment abroad if necessary,

Then he did the colposcopy and said that actually I should definitely not travel, that the area of abormal cells is very large, and that even if it's not cancer then I will need it removing under a general anaesthetic because it's so big. Im feeling quite scared by the way he changed his mind so firmly and quickly about it after having a look.

He took 5 biopsies and the whole experience was completely painless, although I did bled a lot. I was however surprised by how emotional it made me feel - after he left the room I just sobbed.

I like to be busy but now I've got no job to distract me. I suppose to be leaving the country in 2 weeks so my contract on my flat should be up too - luckily I have a very lovely aunt who is letting me stay with her. I just feel so lost now and am having to cancel my plans one by one while waiting that horrible wait for the results from the biopsy.

 

Hi Pepperjen. Wallow all you like! It is such an emotional time to have the rug pulled from under you and for your plans to be scuppered. That's such a bummer! Keeping occupied helps to keep the worry at bay, so just try to busy yourself to help time go by, and look after yourself physically and mentally as best as you can. Hopefully they can remove the area of concern so that you can get on with your plans and get travelling. Let's hope the results come through quickly. Stick on here and let us know how you get on.

 

Thanks you so much for the reply. I feel really guilty for how badly I'm reacting to everything when other people are going through so much worse. This forum is uch a life line xx