Clear to CIN 2 in 6 months feeling overwhelmed

Hi  there

Not so much of a question but I just need someone to listen, share experiences with...
I had my first smear in 2013 which came back stating mild abnormalities and confirming HPV so was referred for a colposcopy. 
I had put off my smear for 6 months as a friend of a friend had recently had Lletz and I just had an awful feeling that that would be me, stupid I know. Anyway the nurse reassured me that she would call if my smear results were abnormal, she didn't so when the letter arrived I expected everything to be fine but felt sick reading the result.
I found my first colposcopy really difficult I didn't feel that the consultant was supportive, I live away from home so didn't have family to come with me for support. I had three biopsies taken and left feeling emotionally drained and violated which I know sounds stupid but the consultant spoke to me with a blasé attitude as in I see this all the time don't worry. The results came back confirming CIN 1 follow up in a year.
I privately went for a 6 month follow up to out my mind at ease, with a different consultant who really put me at ease during the colposcopy and great news he confirmed everything was fine, no sign of abnormalities. So I left feeling like a huge weight had been lifted.
Fast forward 6months to the year follow up from the initial colposcopy and naively I went expecting everything to be fine only  to find he suspects its now CIN 2 another biopsy taken and now booked in for Lletz. I left feeling utterly defeated. I have done everything to keep my immune system in check, stopped taking the pill, haven't had unprotected sex so how has it gone from all clear to CIN2 in 6months?! 
The thought of Lletz terrifies me even though I know it's necessary. I'm sick of hearing about friends of friends who had it done and said it was fine - maybe  I'm just terrible at coping but I found even the biopsy during my colposcopy overwhelming, and having gone from clear to CIN2 I just feel like this is going to be a never-ending cycle. I just keep thinking to myself snap out of it and get a grip.
Mills xx 

Hiya, you sound like you're having a really hard time which is completely understandable. However, I think I would probably look at this in a positive light in that it's finally being dealt with and those nasty cells that have been giving you so much grief will finally be gone! I haven't had lletz (yet, waiting for biopsy results for suspected CIN2) but it has such a high success rate and will more than likely sort this out for good. Big hugs and hope you manage to get a good nights sleep tonight :) xxx

Thanks for your reply - I know you’re right, I’m a natural born worrier so tend to over think everything. I’m so glad that its being sorted - my appt is 5th Sept so not long to wait now. I think it was more a case that I was told I was clear so was completely unprepared when I found out it was CIN2.

Do you have long to wait for you results? Xx

Its makes you worry sooo much I know I’m a massive worrier too, I had my first smear in July and came back with severe changes, I had a colposcopy two weeks later and I had the LLETZ treatment while there whichmade me worry even more as she said could see I needed treatment straight away and was told it can take up to six weeks for results. I know how you feel I was a nervous wreck when she said I was having it there and then but truthfully its was undignified and slightly uncomfortable but not painful so try not to worry too much its not great but definitely bearable I had local anesthetic with mine x

Hi honey, glad you're feeling a bit better it's horrible finding out isn't it, I still can't believe this has happened to me as I've always been really lucky with my periods etc! no I dont have to wait too long, it's been 8 days now and he said within 2weeks so I'm thinking probably early next week now :( still on eggshells ALL the time, the phone rang just now and I panicked! 

Thanks both.

Little D how were you feeling after the treatment?

Harri - I totally understand what you mean you do have that why me feeling and then feel like your stuck in limbo while waiting for results!

It’s reassuring that your both so positive hopefully it will brush off on me xx

Fine really, I had the day off work the next day and she said I would have discharge for up to 6 weeks after treatment not very nice I feel a bit icky but its really minimal so not too bad, I’m still smiling and working. More inconvenience than ordeal : ) hope this helps a little xx