LLETZ - my story. My Tips.
31yr old - no kids.
This time last year I had my routine smear - I suspected something was afoot as the nurse said "all done, now listen, if your results come back abnormal and they want to do treatment the same day, just let them do it". Perhaps I misinterpreted but I left convinced that my results would come back abnormal.
I didn't worry during this stage. Six weeks later I received a letter saying my smear showed abnormal results and I was invited for a colposcopy, I stared at the letter. I froze. I literally couldn't move. After a few minutes I started shaking, crying and fearing the worse. I Googled every possible outcome (big mistake, don't do it) and waited nervously.
My appointment at the Colposcopy clinic arrived. They didn't tell me anything about grade or type of abnormality. I laid back ready for the procedure looking away from the screen. During it, the doctor announced she would need to take a biopsy. The panic kicked in, I froze, cried and fainted. Did it hurt? NO. It was the sheer shock. I left in tears awaiting my results. Following this I bled a lot and felt extremely emotional.
Six weeks on my results arrived asking me to go back for another colposcopy. This time, I had more of an idea what to expect. I still cried and I was still scared. I had a letter saying that I would need to go back in 6 months time. Phew. Not that serious then?!
Six months on, in fact a few weeks ago, I went back for another biopsy. Results came back CIN3. Back in the chair with my legs apart ready for LLETZ. This time I decided not to let anxiety take over. I closed my eyes and took extremely deep breaths. My mind slowed down and I felt more in control.
Ladies I did not feel a thing. I didn't feel the needle - nothing.
They took out a small area of cells and put them in a jar. I didn't look but my partner did.
Two days on, no pain, no bleeding. I feel amazing. I did it. I get the results back in 6 weeks but I'm not expecting them to be anything other than what the doctor expects but essentially, they are what they are.
If you're having LLETZ here are my tips:
Chill the f**k out. You would be surprised how interconnected your mind and body are together. Control your mind and your body will follow.
Take massivly deep breaths. I mean weirdly slow and deep. Tell the nurses at the start your plan and they will politely leave you in your bubble.
Stop listening for negative buzz words such as cancer, treatment, grade, abnormal. Listen to the positives. CIN1,2, 3 will pretty much mean you do NOT have cancer.
Finally, count yourself lucky. If you have caught CIN1, 2 or 3 you are LUCKY. Some women aren't as fortunate. My heart goes out to the others - you are all BADASS. Keep fighting.
Please please please tell all your female family and friends to get their smears done. Nobody takes it serious until that horrid letter arrives.
Please please please don't take to heart how hospital staff treat you. Some will show empathy, other won't. It's a job. They can't get emotionally involved. You get this from your family and friends so don't push them away.
BE STRONG. CHANGE YOUR MINDSET. STOP GOOGLEING SH!T. STOP TORTURING YOURSELF. WHAT WILL BE WILL BE.